He made contact.. UPDATE

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2008
He made contact.. UPDATE
6
Sat, 02-23-2008 - 7:38pm
So, He called me today just to see how I was doing. The conversation was going well, but I broke down and we started talking about us a little bit. He mentioned how he fell in love with me because I was strong and independent but something changed when we moved in together and that I became dependent. I agreed and I said I am working on that. He said he doesn't want me to change for him. He wants me to be my own person. I told him that I am doing it for me. But soon we started talking about IF we were to get together and I raised my voice a bit because he wouldn't let me talk. He got really mad and said thanks for making me want to shut down and not talk anymore. I appologized and he said that he was over talking right now. And we can talk when I calm down. That was it and we hung up. I know I messed up by loosing my cool. But I jut dont know how to show him that I have gotten so much better. How do I make him see that I see the problem and am trying to fix it...
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
Sun, 02-24-2008 - 9:24am

ok, brace yourself because this ain't gonna be pretty.

YOU NEED TO STOP. You need to quit trying to control everything. That's where all this, "How do *I MAKE* him see?" "How do *I SHOW* him?" is coming from. You need to learn to sit and do NOTHING. Believe me when I say the Universe lines everything up exactly when it's supposed to, and every time we try and control things, we get it all out of alignment again, which is why pain and misunderstandings happen, when things aren't going *our* way and we're trying to push it in a particular direction. Well, what if *our* way is wrong? What if *our* way is the wrong path for us? What if it's not supposed to be him?

What if the way back is not how you envisioned it, what if the way back was really allowing him to open up to you, but because you're so hung up on *making him see* how much you've changed, all he's seeing is you really haven't changed at all? My guess is that's exactly what's going on right now, because of what he said about shutting down again.

SO, learn to just sit and BE. LET things happen how they will, because they will anyway. Then maybe when you're not trying to so hard, maybe then he'll actually have a chance to see you've changed because you will have by then. You obviously haven't yet.

I wish for you the best of luck with getting out of your own way.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2003
Sun, 02-24-2008 - 7:12pm

Ok, one of my pet peeves are when people say "you made me..."

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2008
Sun, 02-24-2008 - 7:28pm
Thank you! I agree. He has been the one to make contact. I have left him alone. He even asked me if I wanted to spend the night if I didn't want to commute to work... But I stood up for myself and told him that I wouldn't until he made im intentons with me clear and didn't lead me on. :} I am working on not being so clingy and I feel like I am doing a good job.. I just have my moments. Thank you for the advice and the support.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-10-2007
Tue, 02-26-2008 - 2:36pm

"He said he doesn't want me to change for him. He wants me to be my own person."


Maybe it's wrong to use this thread to ask general questions, but I was wondering (and I haven't been able to find this information on the boards yet) if someone could explain what they mean when they say that they don't want you to change, that you should be yourself, that you're perfect as you are but still break up with you for reasons that seem the easiest to change? Also, if for the sake of the argument, we can just assume they're still in love...


(I guess the quote above is not completely accurate for my question - in my case, he simply said he doesn't want me to change (neither for him, nor for myself) but still...)


Thanks in advance!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Tue, 02-26-2008 - 3:37pm

Hi katia7871,


Repost your question in a new thread.... it should get more replies that way.





iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2008
Tue, 02-26-2008 - 4:53pm
Ya know, I am probably not the best person to give advice on this subject.. I still have to figure it out myself. :} Best of luck. If you get anything good, let me know!