He is making no contact tough

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2004
He is making no contact tough
2
Wed, 04-19-2006 - 10:34am
Hi
I promised myself no contact when I left me ex's haouse Sunday morning. And when he called Monday afternoon, I let it go to the machine & didn't call back. His friend called me at 11:30 that night and he called again while I was on the phone. His friend just wanted to make sure I was okay and to tell me not to worry about my ex, that he is just messed up right now. I went to sleep around 12:30am and woke up just before 2am because I heard music (his music) and swear I saw him standing in the doorway. I sat up and said his name and then lied down to go back to sleep. But then my phone rang again and it was him. I answered because I was a little freaked out & caught off guard. He was drunk. It was mostly a normal conversation. He said he didn't know why I took off so fast Sunday morning, he couldn't understand what my rush was. I wasn't going to explain it to him when he had been drinking. I asked him about his day with his kids and he said it was good but then said that they had asked to go spend this coming weekend at my place (they had done this often). When I didn't say anything he said - whatever you are comfortable with, we can come Friday, or Saturday or only Sunday of that is what you want. I didn't tell him that what I wanted was for him to come and never leave because I am missing him so very much. Nothing was resolved about that and he called twice last night (not drunk). No contact is so hard, and he is making it harder. I had to call him quick during the day yesterday because I needed something urgently that is on his computer. He got it for me & said last night, he can send whatever I need for me with this stuff, just send him contact info etc., he will do it for me no matter how busy he is at work etc. When he is nice like that it makes it even harder. I hate not answering the phone when he calls. It seems so mean, yet I know I am never going to heal if I keep talking to him. He is making me question reality - I sometimes want to say to him - "did we break up or not, cuz maybe I just dreamed that?", but I know it wasn't a dream.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2005
Wed, 04-19-2006 - 11:24am
Yes the whole no contact thing can be tough. Was this a mutual break up? It sounds like he broke up with you because you still want to be with him right? He really needs to step up and not contact you so you can heal better. Since he is not being the bigger person, you need to. You have to stop all the contact you can. Don't answer the phone, don't return his calls, erase his voicemails. Avoid him as much as possible. If you need something on his computer, have a friend do it. You aren't being mean, you are standing up for yourself and doing what is right. If he can't respect that, then he is the messed up one. There is no way you guys can just chat here and there and make it work. It is either all or nothing, as hard as it is to hear. You really just need to let it go. Go ahead and mope and be sad, get it all out (without letting him know) and then you need to be ready to move on and turn the page, things will get better and now you are just one step closer to being with the right person who will treat you good, and be with you no matter what. :)
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 04-19-2006 - 12:09pm

Yes...breaking up with a man who is so ambivalent is TOUGH. It's up to you to decide what your boundaries are, communicate them to him, and then *enforce* them...he's not going to do it for you.

It's not 'mean' to take action to protect yourself. If anything, HE is the one being "mean" by continuing to talk to you when he knows full well he can't give you what you want in terms of a relationship.

Sheri