He is making no contact tough
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He is making no contact tough
| Wed, 04-19-2006 - 10:34am |
Hi
I promised myself no contact when I left me ex's haouse Sunday morning. And when he called Monday afternoon, I let it go to the machine & didn't call back. His friend called me at 11:30 that night and he called again while I was on the phone. His friend just wanted to make sure I was okay and to tell me not to worry about my ex, that he is just messed up right now. I went to sleep around 12:30am and woke up just before 2am because I heard music (his music) and swear I saw him standing in the doorway. I sat up and said his name and then lied down to go back to sleep. But then my phone rang again and it was him. I answered because I was a little freaked out & caught off guard. He was drunk. It was mostly a normal conversation. He said he didn't know why I took off so fast Sunday morning, he couldn't understand what my rush was. I wasn't going to explain it to him when he had been drinking. I asked him about his day with his kids and he said it was good but then said that they had asked to go spend this coming weekend at my place (they had done this often). When I didn't say anything he said - whatever you are comfortable with, we can come Friday, or Saturday or only Sunday of that is what you want. I didn't tell him that what I wanted was for him to come and never leave because I am missing him so very much. Nothing was resolved about that and he called twice last night (not drunk). No contact is so hard, and he is making it harder. I had to call him quick during the day yesterday because I needed something urgently that is on his computer. He got it for me & said last night, he can send whatever I need for me with this stuff, just send him contact info etc., he will do it for me no matter how busy he is at work etc. When he is nice like that it makes it even harder. I hate not answering the phone when he calls. It seems so mean, yet I know I am never going to heal if I keep talking to him. He is making me question reality - I sometimes want to say to him - "did we break up or not, cuz maybe I just dreamed that?", but I know it wasn't a dream.
I promised myself no contact when I left me ex's haouse Sunday morning. And when he called Monday afternoon, I let it go to the machine & didn't call back. His friend called me at 11:30 that night and he called again while I was on the phone. His friend just wanted to make sure I was okay and to tell me not to worry about my ex, that he is just messed up right now. I went to sleep around 12:30am and woke up just before 2am because I heard music (his music) and swear I saw him standing in the doorway. I sat up and said his name and then lied down to go back to sleep. But then my phone rang again and it was him. I answered because I was a little freaked out & caught off guard. He was drunk. It was mostly a normal conversation. He said he didn't know why I took off so fast Sunday morning, he couldn't understand what my rush was. I wasn't going to explain it to him when he had been drinking. I asked him about his day with his kids and he said it was good but then said that they had asked to go spend this coming weekend at my place (they had done this often). When I didn't say anything he said - whatever you are comfortable with, we can come Friday, or Saturday or only Sunday of that is what you want. I didn't tell him that what I wanted was for him to come and never leave because I am missing him so very much. Nothing was resolved about that and he called twice last night (not drunk). No contact is so hard, and he is making it harder. I had to call him quick during the day yesterday because I needed something urgently that is on his computer. He got it for me & said last night, he can send whatever I need for me with this stuff, just send him contact info etc., he will do it for me no matter how busy he is at work etc. When he is nice like that it makes it even harder. I hate not answering the phone when he calls. It seems so mean, yet I know I am never going to heal if I keep talking to him. He is making me question reality - I sometimes want to say to him - "did we break up or not, cuz maybe I just dreamed that?", but I know it wasn't a dream.

Yes...breaking up with a man who is so ambivalent is TOUGH. It's up to you to decide what your boundaries are, communicate them to him, and then *enforce* them...he's not going to do it for you.
It's not 'mean' to take action to protect yourself. If anything, HE is the one being "mean" by continuing to talk to you when he knows full well he can't give you what you want in terms of a relationship.
Sheri