He moved to start our future then dumped
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| Mon, 01-22-2007 - 11:57am |
As much as I love talking with the people I've met on this board, nothing makes me happier than when I don't need to be here. Alas, I am back... AGAIN. Same guy, different situation altogether.
We are both 34, attractive, well liked somewhat "together" people, who have been through hell and back together over the last 3 years, but still love each other. We have broken up several times as he has a tenancy to "run" from problems and we have gotten back together each time as I have a tenancy to not give up. Most of our problems in the past, I believe, stemmed from his not being happy in Chicago (he's from here but moved to Florida 11 years ago... came back 2 months before we met). He could not find a job here that suited him very well. His not being happy (or working steadily) obviously affected and frustrated me at times. He was closed off most of the time and had a habit of not really being very direct or telling all of what he felt during personal discussions. Naturally, when I repeated what I thought he meant, it was skewed a bit to the negative side of what he really meant. That frustrated him and caused him to start viewing me as someone he couldn't communicate with.
Each time we broke up, I missed him so much... but he just wanted to be friends, didn't want a relationship, blah blah blah. Each time we got back (always my suggestion) I got to hear about how it was me and my negativity that made him want to get away from me (by the way, I am NOT a negative person). Then, in the next breath, he could never find someone that stacks up to me.
Well, 3 weeks ago he moved back to Florida. He stayed with me for about 2 weeks as he prepared for the trip. He knows I would do anything for him so of course I let him stay. We talked about how he is going down there for "US".... to make something of himself so that we could be happy. With those thoughts, I let him go knowing that this was going to be great for us. 3 days after he left he forgot my birthday. 3 weeks after he left he told me "We can't communicate and that will not make a good home life... I do not want to be in that kind of relationship with you ever." This came out of left field.... I was planning on moving there next year and was researching the job market. I told my landlord I'd be leaving... Now, on Saturday I am presented with this news. The only thing that "spurred" it on was because I was upset (sad upset) because he didn't call me when I told him I need to talk to him about something that happened at work. I got showered with "Now that I'm meeting new people, I now see how people really communicate" and "This will never happen for us, go find someone that will make you happy" and "I was frustrated when I was staying with you" (which I saw NONE of). THEN, he wants to be friends.... for what? To open up my wounds everytime he calls to tell me how great he is without me? He asked me to think about it, and I did. I just told him YES to make him happy. I don't think I will be following through.
I don't know why I love him so much. I don't know why I let him do this to me. I don't know why he can just turn it off just like that. Everyone else can see it and so can I but I don't care. My heart just wont let go.
Unlike every other time, there is NOTHING I can do now but accept it. He is 1,000 miles away and embarking on his new life. It does hurt soooo much that he dumped me when he's finally getting his s*it together, when I was the one who stood by him for years, let him know that he would always have my heart no matter what, "lent" him $15,000 that I will probably never see again, and forgave him when I wasn't getting the emotional support that I needed because I was too busy being the strong supportive one to help him through.
What the hell is wrong with me? What the hell is wrong with him? He'll realize in time what a huge mistake he's making but hopefully I'll be long gone. I am a bit relieved that, as much as it is killing me right now, I can't sit around and plan and analyze and talk my friends ears off about this anymore. There is nothing left to do (I wish my house cleaning was in the same condition). :)
I finally told him we could be friends, he was very concerned about leaving it that way. Probably to relieve this own guilt. He actually asked me to give it more thought when I said "no". I called back and said "yes"...that was a 30 second conversation. In my heart and with the actions I hope I take, I still say "no". I am sitting at my desk at work right now crying, I cried all weekend, my eyelids are so puffy they hurt. Starting now, that's my business, not his. NOTHING could be harder, he is still my best friend.
Thanks for listening.

I am so sorry you are going through this. You were so good to this idiot, stood by him when things weren't great, lent him $15,000, and then he turns around and has the nerve to leave because the grass seems greener, and on top of that he wants to stay friends???!!!!
Tell him if he truly wants to be your friend then pay back the money he owes you. Do you have receipts or an agreement in writing?? Talk to lawyer about this if you can.
Trust me, Karma is a bitch. When someone treats you this bad it always comes back to haunt them. Focus on you and heal and get on with you life. Someone better is out there for you.
HUGS!
Oh, gosh, I'm sorry to hear that but not at all surprised given your history with this man.
I don't know what is wrong with you that keeps you hooked in to someone who is so clearly unavailable to you for a relationship, but clearly something is. That's going to take working hard with a good therapist to discover. And why you would agree to be "friends" with someone who treated you so terribly is just beyond me. Again, that is something to be explored with a good therapist.
What is wrong with him is not what you need to be concerned with right now. Focus on the person you can fix and change--YOU.
Sheri
Sorry that you are going through such a hard time right now- I've had those puffy-eye days :(.
I know it's tough, but
The writing has definitely been on the wall for a very long time.