Is He Moving On Already?
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| Tue, 03-11-2008 - 11:31am |
So there are photos online of him at a party over the weekend, some entitled "Hot Ladies!" According to an acquaintance of mine, he is also going on an incredible vacation coming up very soon. I know I shouldn't know these things (the second of which really was brought to my attention inadvertently--I really didn't go out seeking it), but the fact is that I do, and he seems to be perfectly happy. I'm sure that all of you on this board have read this question thousands upon thousands of times, but how is it possible after spending five years with me and breaking up that he's fine after a month? I just can't believe it. He was one of the most sensitive, in-tune with real emotions men I've ever met, and I just can't believe that he's fine. Or I'm denying that he can.
Does he really get as much pleasure out of other women and vacations as he did in a long-standing relationship that was stable and loving? Come on. What kind of shallow person do you have to be?! ARGH. I find myself with this strong desire to get on a plane and take a long vacation myself. Alone. To somewhere exotic. But if I really examine my motives, I realize it's just to make him feel jealous and not for me at all.
I don't know what to do. I started this breakup really well, with noble ideas of "wanting him to be happy, even if that was without me," and now all of a sudden I find myself wishing that he were miserable.
Other than try to make sure that I can't find out anything else about his life, are there any suggestions for dealing with those feelings of anger and trying to make him jealous?
uncommononsense
I can't go back to yesterday--because I was a different person then. --L. Carroll
Edited 3/13/2008 9:10 am ET by uncommononsense

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Thanks, everyone. It's difficult not to wish that he were miserable or feel the pain that I'm feeling, but I'm doing my best. I know he deserves happiness, just as I do, and if not being with me is best for him, I can't possibly say I love him and at the same time, confine him to unhappiness by being with me.
Thanks for the tip nhjillian--I'm definitely going to try to get more regular with my exercise routine and push myself to go down to that treadmill even on the days that I really would rather stay in bed. Maybe the endorphins will make me feel a little better. :)
Sarah--you've been helpful as always. I'm so glad for you that you were able to move those mementos out of view. I'm sure that's really going to help me too--and it's on the schedule for this weekend. I have a jewelry box myself, among so many, many other things. You collect an awful lot of stuff over five years of being with someone. Oh--you can call me Jackie (a different spelling of my name). :) I'm a little leery about putting my name online because it's a unique spelling and my ex and I spend a lot of time online--but hopefully he's not Googling me like I'm tempted to do with his name!
uncommononsense
I can't go back to yesterday--because I was a different person then. --L. Carroll
Edited 3/13/2008 9:04 am ET by uncommononsense
I totally know where your coming from on this one!
I'm sorry that you're going through this. I can't imagine my ex dating someone already--and we've been broken up nearly two months now.
With the websites (I'm in the web industry--so online a lot of the time), I got to the point where I had to block the websites from myself (if you're interested, check out this Lifehacker article describing how to). I just did that a few days ago, but I have to admit, it's getting easier. I set up my computer to pop up a little window that says "Enough of him! You're stronger than that and don't need to check these websites!" every time I try to open one of the pages. Slowly but surely, I type the addresses less and less. Some days it's harder than others, but I haven't yet gone to the extreme of finding another computer to use, so I guess that's a good thing. I wish you the best of luck as you're retraining yourself to try to stay off the sites.
uncommononsense
I can't go back to yesterday--because I was a different person then. --L. Carroll
Thats a good idea! I think I'll try that - at least when I'm at home! Unfortunately
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