He is moving out. I feel I am losing it

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
He is moving out. I feel I am losing it
9
Wed, 02-28-2007 - 1:47pm
My bf of 5 years who broke up with me 11 days ago is moving out this weekend. I didn't tell him this but tomorrow I am leaving town for 2 weeks to go be with my friends so I probably won't see him again. I am scared. I am afraid I will totally fall apart when I walk into the apartment 2 weeks from today and see that all of his stuff is gone. When I leave tomorrow he will be here but when I get back he will be gone. I am leaving at 4 in the morning to catch my flight and I am feeling weak. I feel like I want to beg him to change his mind. I want him to still be here when I get back. I want him to just love me. I must sound pathetic but I feel like I am losing it........
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Wed, 02-28-2007 - 2:16pm
Maribella, you can do this.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2004
Wed, 02-28-2007 - 2:57pm
I hear what you are saying. Right now I am feeling terrified at the prospect of no longer having my bf in my life. Just plain scared, and I feel very panicky, that I have to once again try and find a way to be okay being on my own. I took a year off for myself before getting involved with him, and now six months later I am right back to where I started from. Only this time now I'm so afraid I won't ever be able to fully give my heart to someone ever again. For the first time in my life I am considering the possibility that perhaps for me, there is no other half. It is crippling at times. Is there any way when you go back into your apartment, someone can go with you? How much longer do you have on your lease? Will be you be able to move out soon, and get your own place, so you can start over fresh?
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Wed, 02-28-2007 - 3:05pm
Unfortunately I own my apartment and we lived there together for 2 years. So, I can't escape. Plus, we have many mutual friends in the building so there are reminders everywhere. I getting very panicky today - I was checking one of his e-mail accounts that I have the password to. Not good, I know. I met him 6 months after I had gotten divorced and took me a long time to open my heart to him. Five years later he stumped all over it and just like you, I am afraid there is no other half for me.....
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2004
Wed, 02-28-2007 - 3:48pm
I'm so sorry to hear that. It is a horrible feeling isn't it? I woke up the other morning, drenched in sweat, I must have been having bad dreams all night long. And all I want more than anything in this world is to have him back. But he doesn't want me, and it's killing me. If you have mutual friends in the building maybe you could spend some time with them. Are they all aware of what's going on?
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2007
Wed, 02-28-2007 - 4:01pm
I know exactly how you feel... My boyfriend of five months just told me he needed a break. He said he didn't know if he was invested and that if i was worth it. I can't understand why he toldme he was falling for me, that he thought he loved me, etc. I feel emotionally raped and used physically. It hurts to wake up in the morning, because thats when its the worse. I miss him every second of the day because he is my best friend. I can't eat or sleep well. But I did come to this conclusion... I can't make him want me... I can't make him feel something he doesnt and I cant change his mind. There is nothing I can do or say to make him think differently. I realize I will get through this and it will be a lot better when i get closure... because he will break up with me after this break. He freaks out and never looks back. Even though Im a basketcase now, it does get better. I just have to be strong no matter what.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-08-2006
Thu, 03-01-2007 - 1:57am

hi lindseyloo,

I know this is kind of an aside, but if a guy tells you he doesn't know if you're worth it, then HE isn't worth it. How cruel -- of course you are worth it!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2004
Thu, 03-01-2007 - 10:33am
Yeah that's ridiculously harsh. He doesn't know if you're worth it? WHATEVER!! I was with my bf for just six months, a short time I know, but I'm 28 and in all my relationships I've never felt so happy and complete. I KNEW he was "the one" and after the breakup all my family members told me they felt the same way about him, which they've never said to me about any previous boyfriend. He told me I was the one as well, and I was going to be moving with him for his next job location. Now it's all gone. And you're right, no matter what you say to him, you can't change his mind. You can't force someone's heart to feel something they don't feel. A week before he broke up with me he was sending me emails while he was away, about how much he loves and misses me. Then seven days later he breaks it off, saying he didn't feel right about us anymore. The only thing we can do is be as strong as possible, and keep going through these awful days. I know eventually I will feel better, it will just take me a very long time.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2007
Thu, 03-01-2007 - 11:00am
I am going to be so strong that I am going to get over this quickly. I am going to accept the things I cannot change and move on. It's destructive behavior to keep thinking he is going to want me back.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2004
Thu, 03-01-2007 - 11:37am
Right on! I think I'm going to start treating myself more too. Pedicures, massages, etc. And I am thinking about volunteering as well.