He needs space...but its killing me
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| Sat, 07-21-2007 - 11:06am |
Hello Everyone,
I'm new here but I'm desperate for some words of advice appropriate to my situation. My boyfriend of 8 months just broke up with me 3 weeks ago. We had been growing distant and I could tell something was wrong between us. He wasn't as responsive to me, he wasn't as excited about our relationship anymore, and it honestly seemed like a chore for him. We lived together by default (its how we met...in a dorm) and part of the problem (or so he says) is that we spent every minute that we weren't in class or at work together. He got burnt out. I told him it seemed to me like he didn't love me as much as I loved him, and he agreed that may be part of the problem.
After we broke up I called him the next day to ask if I could see him (I was beyond depressed) and he said he left to go home for the day and get away. I found out later he went to hang out with friends he knows I disapprove of. He said things like he needed space, he didn't want a girlfriend, blah blah blah. The next day he was texting me becuase his parents wanted to see me, and supposedly he missed me too. The next day I went to see him and we talked like friends, catching up and laughing and being nice to each other and he assured me that we would get back together after the summer if I would take him back. We ended up cuddling and even kissing a little bit (a mistake I know). He told me to just wait it out and when I left he kissed me and told me it would be ok and we could still talk on the phone a couple times a week and he just wanted space.
Well, that made me ok for a few days until I found myself not being able to talk to him on the phone without asking him why why why. I wanted to know what he was thinking, if he still loved me, if he missed me, if he was thinking about me and getting back together. All he keeps saying is I don't know, which worries me becuase that is much different then the boy who said three weeks ago that he was expecting me to take him back in September. He said a week or two without talking would help him clear his mind. I called him back and told him No, don't call me anymore ever again, you are ruining my life. And then a half hour later I called him back and said that he could call me in a week or two, and that I still love him and miss him a lot. He never says those things back to me.
So we left it that he would call me in a week or two. A week went by as of yesterday and he didn't call. Normally he waits the minimum time agreed upon to call me because he has said he misses me and wants to keep in contact. This time...no contact. Is he over me? What is going on in his head? He sends me mixed messages and I don't know if I should be angry or sad or what to do. I know I'm not going to call him...I'll wait til hes ready to call me no matter how hard that is. I'm just lost in what he might be thinking about this situation. Any guidance on this would be appreciated!

Welcome to the board justgo2007,
Have you read this yet:
When he asks for space (aka, "a break")
Thank you for your replies, dev and Carrie.
I know I already messed up by calling him/trying to force him to explain himself. But I also know that I will not contact him until hes ready to talk to me about whatever he wants. I'm going to let him call first, like he wants. My only problem is...Does the way I acted right after our breakup mean that I pushed him so far away that he doesn't miss me anymore? Its only been a few weeks. In my mind, he should miss me and be going through horrible emotions everyday like I am.
Maybe I just need some help understanding how guys can go through something like this and not feel the urgent need to call every hour on the hour like I do. Why are they so different from women?
I also don't want him to think that I can just be put on "hold" for him until he comes back at the end of summer and is ready for a girlfriend again. But I know that if he came back and said he wants to be with me I would take him back, even though that is not the strong, independent womanly thing to do.
First of all, I'm very sorry about how badly your heart is hurting right now.
Secondly, I agree with what dev and Carrie have told you, you're acting desperate and that is oh-so unattractive.