He never loved me

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-24-2006
He never loved me
5
Sun, 12-10-2006 - 1:27pm
Sometimes it's better to not know the truth. My ex and I broke up after 5 mts because it seemed he was unready for a relationship at the time. (He had just got out of a 5 yrs relationship).. We continued talking sproratically after the breakup since it was amicalbe and then started hanging out more and talking more. Things were going ok until I started bringing up "us" and what happened to "us". Basically he told me he never fell in love with me and "we" stopped feeling right although he wants us to stay close friends. I'm not sure why but knowing this hurt me a million times more than believing he was just not ready for relationship. It's like he knew we were going to break up from the very start and makes me wonder incessantly what went wrong... I don't know if I can say I fell deeply in love with him either but I thought I was...
He's with another girl now and yet always wants to stay close friends with me. I get so upset when I find out anything about them. I have tried to keep my distance but always end up hanging out with him some way. I don't have the heart to tell him that it's too hard to be his friend partially because I really want to believe we can be friends and partially because I don't want him to have the satisfaction of thinking I still want him... But after certain things he has said to me and how hurt it feels to think of him with this new girl, I don't think we can be. I don't want him back yet why am I constantly feeling hurt after I see/talk to him?
What do I do?
I plan in the New Year to get so busy I don't have to think about him.
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 12-10-2006 - 1:42pm

You feel hurt because you don't get over romantic feelings for someone overnight! That's just not how it works. It takes time and no contact to do that.

If you want to keep banging your head against that particular wall by continuing to hang out with him, that's your choice of course, but you are not going to feel better until you stand up for yourself and take a break from seeing each other.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2006
Sun, 12-10-2006 - 1:47pm
My ex claimed he wanted to keep contact with me but I told him it was too hard. It's bad enough for me to just think about him being with another girl but if I had to hear about it I would be devastated. Given that, I made the decision to cut off any and all contact. You would probably feel better if you did the same and didn't have to hear anything about him and his new girl. Don't worry about him, worry about yourself and getting through this. By keeping contact, you are just prolonging the anguish. Hanging out with him is not going to help you. Are you willing to cut contact? It's been hard for me as it's only been 2 weeks but it was much harder when I was talking to him and hearing he was with his new girl.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-22-2006
Sun, 12-10-2006 - 3:09pm

I feel as if I suggest to someone, once a week, not to try to hang out or be friends with an ex...especially right after.

Susan

"Success is building a foundation wit

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-24-2006
Sun, 12-10-2006 - 4:26pm
I have called him and told him that I don't feel good about us being friends and need some space. He said he was sad because he enjoys spending time with me but will respect my wishes and give me time to deal with what I need to deal with. (I'm upset that he has that kind of power over my feelings when he himself is so nonchalant about it all).
I need time to stop thinking about "us" in order to move forward and being around him alot doesn't let me do so. I kept reminding myself of why the relationship didn't work out and that atleast he was in my life as a friend, but this approach is not helping me. I just keep feeling hurt and reminded of the sadness I felt when we were first broken up. Thanks for everyone's input. I'm learning the hard way but I'm trying to change.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-09-2006
Mon, 12-11-2006 - 1:09am

It's sounds to me as though you were a rebound girl from the start. He just got out of a 5 year relationship? Does he have kids? I would definetly stay out of contact with him. Don't call him and just see what happens. Maybe he never did love you, but I hear people say that a lot when they are angry. All I can say is stay away and see if he calls you. Tell him the truth. That you can't be friends because it hurts to bad. Then leave it alone. Things will get better.

My ex left me after 6 years toether and 2 kids. He immediatly had a new gf and now a new one. We have only been broken up for 1 1/2 months so I know it hurts. Just stay strong and move on. We both know you can and will. I already am slowly and I was with him so long. Reality hurts, but that's just what it is... REALITY!!!

Stay strong and don't call him. Make him call you. And when he does, tell him the truth. You will feel better once you have.

-Andrea