he only leaves to go to someone else!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
he only leaves to go to someone else!
10
Wed, 11-10-2004 - 3:13am
OK...tonight the light bulb went off in my head....we actually a friend helped me by giving me a useful bit of information....



not sure if you have been following my posts but my guy broke up with me suddenly after what i thought was a perfect 3 month relationship. One night he was so into me and the next day he broke up with me.

i have been agonizing about what i did to cause this sudden change of heart....literaly beating myself up.

well.......tonight i found out that he has hooked up with an old girlfriend....one that he told me lived in another state and he did not believe in LD relationships and that they were now "just friends" HA

how could i have been so stupid...guys dont leave unless they have somewhere to do and my mom was right...this is what she told me all along and tonight i got my proof...thye have been traveling back and forth to see each other and one of those time was while we were still dating...i was out of town on business..

so here i was thinking i was with this great guy who was so honest and that somehow i screwed it up..........i am sad tonight because i know it is really over and i am just a memory so my ego is hurt again...but i am lucky to have closure and now i can see him for what he is.

we should not feel stupid for being trusting but i do....i just hope that i dont carry some bad baggage into my next relationship........

men!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2004
Wed, 11-10-2004 - 8:15am
I don't think all guys leave to pursue someone else but it definitely sounds like that was the case with your situation. I doubt this next woman will have better luck with him, he sounds like damaged goods, at least he is leaving you less and less wonderful things to miss about him :)

I haven't heard a thing concerning my ex since we broke up and I don't even care to know what he is up to, I have a mutual friend (she is actually more my friend than his now) and I never ask her about him because I am sure whatever he is doing isn't anything that will make me feel better. Write this off as closure but I would advise not to ask about him anymore and tell anyone you know mutually to not discuss him anymore, it won't help anything (until you get to the point where you have completely moved on and just need a good laugh!).

I think we are both definitely better off without these idiots :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Wed, 11-10-2004 - 8:27am
you are so right....

my curiosity got the best of me and i had to ask...my best friend is dating his best friend so makes it tough...she is always trying to tell me stuff and i tell her i dont want to hear but yesterday i just broke down and asked for it.

i have never been deceived by a guy like this before...it has really rocked my confidence...

but i definitely think this little bit of news will make it easier for me to move on....not someone i want to trust my heart with again...

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
Wed, 11-10-2004 - 12:40pm
Oh man ... reading all these posts makes me soooo glad that I'm not alone in all of this .. my ex dumped me (I'm 23) and is with an 18 y/o now .. mind you he's 20 ... but STILL .. I mean .. he went from being with me to being with her ... it's kinda gross, b/c I know I'm great (not conceited, but I'm confident) and she's ewwwww 5 years younger than me and not exactly attractive (she could be great and all, I'm not judging her, I don't know her...) but STILL ... MEN SUCK! I know, that he will do the EXACT same thing he did to me and well, now it's her turn to deal with such an a**hole!

Lynne

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-17-2003
Wed, 11-10-2004 - 1:39pm
I had my boyfriend attempt to move his ex girlfriend in 2 days after I moved out! I was, and still am, hurt about the whole situation...all of these questions run through your head. What didnt I do? What did I do? Did he ever love me? Why wasnt I good enough? Was I a transition girlfriend, one he just kept around until he could find someone else?

I went through it all, But then realized..HEY! That ex girlfriend was a certified PSYCHO, social security benefits and all.. What am I worried about? She will drive him NUTS and he will wish that he never dumped me!

So, you see, REVENGE comes in all shapes and sizes, even in the form of an ex.

Best of Luck

Missy

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
Wed, 11-10-2004 - 4:34pm
It's true when they say "treat other's how you want to be treated" .. my ex treated me like CRAP in the end and hurt me in more ways than I thought a human being who cared about me could ever do. But you know, someday he will get hurt as bad by someone as he hurt me and what goes around comes around.

You have to look at yourself and realize that YOU are so much better off without this guy. Now, he can deal with his ex gf and all the crap that will come with her. He will and probably will kick himself when he realizes that he gave up a great thing with you - but at that time you will be moved on and happy. Guys will never show it, but they know when they've screwed up, they just can never admit it.

One thing I've learned with my ex is that a person who so called cares about me - will never disrespect me or treat me the way he did. I said the worst thing I could have said to my ex .. I said calmly that he didn't deserve me and that he will never have me as a friend because he doesn't deserve me and that I can't be friends with someone who has no heart. THAT if anyone said to me, I wouldn't forget. I hope he doesn't either.

The days get easier .. they really do .. you go through the upset .. the denial ... the anger .. then eventually you do realize, I am so much happier without him. I'm slowly seeing that and I'm lucky to have the support of family and friends around me 24/7 .. BUT know that YOU are an AMAZING person and one day you will find a guy who is worthy of YOU.

Take care.

Lynne

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Sat, 11-20-2004 - 12:40pm

ok..here i go again...
just when i thought i was getting over my ex he emails me out of the blue last week...just a friendly chatty email about him seeing me the night before where i did not see him....i kind of cut off the emails back and forth with a friendly "have a good week"
but i have to admit it got my hopes up that maybe he wanted more....as in get back together....

what is wrong with me...? i should not want this guy back.

so last night i was with one of his guy friends who is dating my best friend and he asked me about a date i had last week...so i said that i was not really into the new guy as i was not totally over my ex yet....so then he says that he has to tell me something....that my ex was cheating on me with this ex gf while we were dating....he went on a trip the week before his feelings changed for me...and she was there too and they slept together!

well that bit of news through me into a tailspin again.....just when i think i have figured out what happened i get more bad news. We had discussed this ex girlfriend and he told me that they dated briefly 4 years ago but not to worry about her because she lives in another state and he does not believe in LD relationships...

so i guess now i feel that he rejected me ... who lives 2 miles from him.....for someone who lives 2000 miles away....yikes

i realize that they have a history and it probably was not resolved...and i did find out from our friend that she had been calling him all the time in the month prior to our break up....

i just feel so stupid and hurt.....we really did have an amazing connection on all levels...not just sex...and i do not understand how he could walk away from that for this far away girl.....

maybe it is just bad timing.....

any words of encouragement would be appreciated....
thanks

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-19-2004
Sat, 11-20-2004 - 1:12pm

Hiya,

Yeah, that's gotta be making your heart hurt. I wouldn't take it personal, has nothing to do with you. And it's unfortunate that if he truly wanted to be with his Ex, that he wouldn't talk to you first before acting on it.

I suppose I'm in a similar situation, and I'd be the psuedo ex in my case.

But I'll share something with you, I'm sure the ex knows that he cheated on you, and somewhere down the line that will be a major Trust issue in their relationship that may even destroy it once the initial fireworks are over. So 'revenge' may yet be yours, without doing a thing!

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 11-20-2004 - 1:15pm

Ugh...that must have been hard to hear! But think of it this way...now you know better what type of person he *really* is (as opposed to who you *thought* he was in the short time you were together)...he's a person whose values and morals say it's ok to lie and cheat. Is that *really* what you want in a partner????

I think the best thing you can do for yourself at this point is block him from emailing or calling you, as any contact is just going to set you back.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2003
Sat, 11-20-2004 - 2:27pm

i'm sorry about your situation being cheated on sux. but release the baggage, and try as hard youcan not to lose the gift of being able to trust men because you'll have major problems in future relationships. but i've been through a faamiliar situation a while back here's a few tips to try to get over this: "ask yourself,will this bother me a year from now",practice ignoring your negative thoughts(it's a hard on but i've managed to do it and it helps so much,tell your story even if it means venting in book every night. get a cat or dog etc. i got two beutiful cats and they are by best buds to talk to they never talk back and never tell anyone lol trust me u will survive and the excess baggage will not follow only if you let it....

~~jenn

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Sat, 11-20-2004 - 2:28pm

you are so right about no contact but why do i feel this strong urge to let him know that i know....

when we were first dating one of our mutual friends started up a relationship before her old one was over....and we both discussed how wrong that was...that you should never start up a new relationship before ending the current one....and of course i believed him...

i will see what i can do about blocking his email ...that is a good idea