He says he misses me...........

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2006
He says he misses me...........
4
Sun, 11-26-2006 - 5:12pm
We broke up about 3 weeks ago. He sent me an email last night saying he did not want us to break up, he had only wanted to know where we were headed. I wrote him back, trying to explain why I felt it had to end. This morning he wrote and said he knew deep down that I never really loved him. He also said that he thought it was a mistake letting each other go. He began communicating with his 1st wife a few months ago. They have had unresolved feelings for each other for the past 25 years and both feel that they need to explore this. She lives in another state so their contact so far has been by phone. Our relationship was pretty much over before I found out about this, so it is really only part of the reason why I ended things. He was right--I didn't love him enough to marry him, but I think part of the reason I could not let myself love him that much was crazy stuff like ex-wives reappearing after 25 years and other such issues. I have already told him that he needs to find out what his feelings are for her so that he won't continue to wonder, but I am not going to hang around to wait for the result. At this point I don't know what he wants from me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Sun, 11-26-2006 - 6:20pm

He may or may not having feelings for her, but she's too far away to hook up with...whereas you aren't. He may miss you which is normal in a break up, but it doesn't mean you have to meet his emotional needs now that the two of you are split up. If he was all that committed to you, he wouldn't have been driven to contact his ex (it effected the relationship with you).

I think you made the right choice.


Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2006
Mon, 11-27-2006 - 9:53am
Thank you for your response. The name of this board is so true--breaking up is hard and it sucks. And I have been through 2 divorces. It never gets any easier. I have cried so much in the last few weeks I could raise the river levels. I was doing better until he sent me those emails and I start seeing him as all sad and vulnerable. I have to keep reminding myself of the bad things. I didn't imagine them.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Mon, 11-27-2006 - 10:00am
Make a list of those bad things and keep it close for review.


Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2006
Fri, 12-01-2006 - 9:58am

It's amazing the different emotions we go through. I go from being sad to just downright pissed. The last couple of days I am so angry with him for this ex-wife thing. The thing is, he and I dated briefly 25 years ago when he was married to her. They were separated at the time, but he led me to believe he was divorced. The reason we stopped going out was because they decided to get back together to give it another try. Of course, they got divorced about a month later.

When he and I ran into each other about 2.5 years ago I still remembered how he'd misled me back then, but so much time had gone by I decided not to hold it against him. Now she's back in the picture and he's told me that for 25 years he's wondered if he was still in love with her. Our relationship needed to end anyway, but this situation just feels like a slap in the face to me. Sometimes I get so angry thinking about it. I wish I could let it go.