he says he is unhappy
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| Fri, 10-20-2006 - 9:17pm |
and he doesnt know what he wants anymore, and that he doesnt think this relationship is what he wants anymore.
he and i have been engaged for over 19 months now, and i have known him for atleast 5 years previous to dating or anything. i thought we had been doing really good overall, planning on getting married in may of this upcomming year.
however, this last month, we seem to do nothing but constantly fight about the most rediculous things, and he and i do not live in the same city, because i am attending school, which makes it worse. it seems like every time we saw each other, we were upset about something for some part of the visit. this last week, i thought things had started to get better, we hadnt really argue or anything. however last night he told me that he feels we are more friends than in a relationship, and that he is unhappy where he is in his life, and that h dosnt know what he wants anymore. he doesnt know if i am what he wants anymore, he wants to move out of the state, and he misses his family in a different state.
i dont know what to do anymore.
i didnt really know how to respond to all of this, becuae it wasnt like him to act lik that. i wantd to know if there were something going on he wasnt telling me, if there was something else mking him feel like this. he is close to him family, and he talks to him mother, so i had called her and discussed things with her. she said she thought it were just stress at work and our on again off again arguing that was making him feel this way. however, later the next day, he found out i had talked to her, and was furious with me, saying that i had talked to her to influence him about how he was feeling. i tried to explain to him that was not the case, but i dont think he believe me anymore.
i dont understand whats going on, and why hes acting like this, or how to fix things. the last conversation i had with him was at 7pm this evening, and he was working (he works a third shift job) and he was upset becuase he was at work and he was trying to deal with this at the same time. i said i was sorry i had called him back while he was working, and that i would let him go back to work. i said 'i love you...' and he said bye and hung up. this is very not like him, he has never acted that way to m, never acted hurtfull to me like that before.
what do i do? do i drive 2 hours to the city he is in and see him in person about this, or do i wait and give him time, or wht do i do? i feel very numb right now, like all of this is not real and like i will wake up and find this to be just a bad dream...

The facts say that HE IS NOT happy with his life and that he doesn't know what he wants. It's his problem, but because you're dating then it affects you and everyone around him. Is he depressed? Is he angry at life? Why isn't he happy? Is it his job? All those answers will give him the key to see what he needs to do.
In your case, where you've been engaged for over a year and nothing has happened, and now he says that he doesn't know if he wants to marry you, I'd take a break and give him time and space to think about it. I'd set up a timeline of 2 to 3 months.
I'd have no contact with him and would use that time to analyze my relationship as well. Is he the one for me? How would I handle it if the same issues come to light in a few months. Am I in love with this guy or am I love with the idea of marrying him? What do I want?
As for him, he should use the break to get his thoughts together. See what he wants and his plands for the future. Do they include you? Will he move out of state? Will he marry you?
Once he's gotten his ideas together he can call you and YOU WILL decide if you want him in your life.
Whoa, let's just take a step back, everything does not have to be quite so cut and dry.
Breathe.
A few things, and I know I'll probably get blasted for this, but I get this kind of stuff from my mother, who's been happily married to my father for 40 years, so I tend to think she's right:
1.