He says im selfish?? am I??

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-14-2009
He says im selfish?? am I??
6
Thu, 08-04-2011 - 3:21pm

I was out here a couple of months ago getting advice on my failing relationship...I got good advice from u guys so i'm back....jus to refresh...we were havng problems because his mom lives with and has ever since we started dating...it was cool at first because he expalined to me that it was temporary...jus helping her get back on her feet. He also has a 9yr old son who is a single father to...also cool..Long story short..I found out a month ago from his mom that she will be staying with him ATLEAST another 2yrs while she waits on "disabilty " to approve her...IF they ever do...she also told me she has been denied 4 times which was news to me..............

She does not work or pay any bills in his apt....they hv a 2bdrm where as his mom and his son occupy those...he sleeps on couch....long story short...im jus fed up with the whole situation so I broke it off....I feel like his mom is really jus a freeloader lookn for a handout and he dont see it...yes...its his mom..i understand that but we can NOT move forward as long as she is there!

I love this man with ALL my heart...he is a great person!! But compete with mom..I cant...He is always stuck taking care of everybody and has no one to take care of him...thats what I wanted to do!! I own my own home big enough for him and his son to live here comfortably...I have a good job..I even make more

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
Thu, 08-04-2011 - 3:56pm

You're not selfish.

One thing I do not understand about women is their willingness to sacrifice themselves for someone else. You didn't want to do that anymore. You can't. You reached the end of your rope and you couldn't take it anymore - Are you "selfish" for wanting a relationship that benefits you? Do you really believe you are "selfish" for not being able to tolerate an insane situation?

"I know u will say RUN!! U dodged a bullet!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Thu, 08-04-2011 - 4:37pm

I agree w/ you that it was time to break it off because you weren't able to tolerate the situation where you had to have his mom around all the time.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-14-2009
Thu, 08-04-2011 - 6:10pm

He didnt hv a solution..............he wanted me to stay with him as is....he was even mad that I hardly EVER came over...but why wld I want to cm over and jus sit on the couch with u while she slumbers in the master bedroom not contributing anything????? He actually had a problem with her in his 1st marriage because she lived with them several times.....he KNEW I wasnt dealing with that!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Fri, 08-05-2011 - 10:32am

I would not be helping out financially anyone that I was dating and not living with.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2002
Fri, 08-05-2011 - 9:00pm

The fact that he was not willing to make a compromise to benefit his relationship with you speaks volumes of his character.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-14-2009
Sat, 08-06-2011 - 2:13am
I didn't mind helping him and his son because he had done a lot for me as well....I jus hate it that really its for her too...

I understand that he has to tk care of her ...her issues are more mental than physical (bipolar mania) so maybe she can't work. Maybe neither of us are wrong?? I know I don't want to deal with that and I know the right decision was made....its jus toooo much.

He's not making me feel any different by saying I'm selfish...I know whats right for me is a man who can actually BE WITH ME not jus date me for years and years and years....

My good days outweigh my bad sooo I guess its progress...I have to be honest...I still love him and I pray that situation gets remedied and we get another chance...what's meant to be will be right?