He still loves his ex

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2007
He still loves his ex
4
Fri, 05-25-2007 - 5:48pm
My boyfriend of one year and I broke up in April. It was a mutual decision. I realized I do want to be with him and contacted him to try to work through our problems. He said he wanted to also. So we talked and I told him what I want to work on and that I want to put effort into this relationship and he tells me he does too. And I tell him that I could see a future together with him long term and he says he does too. Then I don't hear from him for days and when I do he tells me that he's still in love with his ex who he broke up with 2.5 years ago. He contacted her on myspace, but she hasn't logged in for over a month so she hasn't read his message. He also says he doesn't want to let me go because he doesn't want to make the same mistake twice. I know I should let go, but it's so hard for me when I can't hear a definitive "I don't want to be with you." And I tried to get him to tell me that and he wouldn't. So this breakup has been dragged on for 6 weeks and it just feels horrible. And part of me wants his ex-girlfriend to tell him she's moved on and wants nothing to do with him so he'll feel free to be with me, but then part of me doesn't want to feel like the consolation prize either. Thoughts?
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Fri, 05-25-2007 - 7:43pm

Welcome to the board cam19,


While he can't say he wants it over for good, he's sure not saying "I only want you."

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
Sat, 05-26-2007 - 7:33am

As I read your story, especially the part about him not wanting to let you go, and also not wanting to let his ex go, even to the point of making you wait until she logs onto mycrack-- I mean, myspace, I kept visualizing a little kid in a candy store, with both hands full of candy and yet wanting still more and different candy, standing there brokenhearted (and candyless, mind you) because he can't make up his mind, he wants it all. And then Carrie calls him a toddler, and it was one of those yes moments ;)

You know what usually happens when a person can't decide between two things and tries to hold onto both? Yep, they lose both. That's probably what should happen to this guy. He's never going to tell you because he doesn't want to have to make a decision. Wake up from the nightmare, you shouldn't have to live your life in HIS fear.

Here's what gets me about women sometimes: Why do women always want the guy to decide the staus of the relationship? It's always, "Until I hear from his own mouth that he doesn't want me...." actions speak quite loudly, ladies.

Walk away now with your head held up, because if you actually wait on Indecisive Boy and his myspace chick to log on so you can get and answer to *your* life, then you'll be walking away with your tail between your legs.

Best of luck deciding,

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2006
Sat, 05-26-2007 - 3:07pm

Don't be second best with someone. I say let this guy go because it sounds like you are not number one and his ex is in his heart so why waste your time. Even if she has moved on and I am sure she has since they have been broken up for 2 1/2 years, you don't want to be with someone physically and not emotionally. If the dude is still in love with his ex, that should warrant the exit door for you.

You show him that your are strong enough to walk away and won't settle for being second choice.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2007
Tue, 05-29-2007 - 4:48pm
Thanks for everyone's input. I have told him that I need to distance myself from him and move on and that I want to be with someone who is crazy about me. It is hard for me though, because I wanted it to work so bad and I wish he felt as strong of a connection to me as he did her.