He is such a manipulator...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
He is such a manipulator...
4
Thu, 09-27-2007 - 3:28pm

Saturday night my ex and I ended up at the same bar with our respective new SOs. I happened to get there right after my ex had picked a fight with one of our mutual friends, Rachel. Her brief history: I met her through the ex. She became friends with him after the first breakup between the ex and I two years ago. We became very close after the ex and I got back together. She has been an amazing friend to me throughout the breakup, and it doesn't hurt that she is also a therapist. The ex had picked a fight with her because 1. she doesn't like his new facial hair, and 2. because she isn't best friends with his new girlfriend the way she is with me. Yeah, he's a huge baby. He left almost immediately after I got there due to some embarrassment, I'm sure.

I was chatting with Rachel via email yesterday when she told me that my ex had called her the day before to apologize for his behavior on Saturday. It would have been a big step for him because lately he has really been alienating his friends because of his selfish behavior lately (he started bringing his new girlfriend around our friend group immediately after our breakup, and refuses to listen to anyone when they take issue with his drunk, depressed, selfish, childish behavior).

However, instead of delivering a sincere apology, he told her a bunch of crap. He first tried to make her feel sorry for him because he saw me kiss my new guy (wah! HE was making out with his girlfriend), then he tried to say that I'm the bad guy because I don't want to reconcile with him for the sake of the group! What??? He said that he sent me a message trying to make everything ok, but I wasn't responding. The message he's talking about came immediately after he drunkenly verbally attacked the guy I'm seeing at a bar!!

Anyways, he said some other "feel sorry for me" crap to her, and the end result was her hoping that he can man-up and reconcile with everyone, but I'm SO afraid that he's going to try to villanize me the same way he has ALWAYS done. Rachel and I had a hard time becoming friends in the first place because of the nasty things he said about me when we broke up!!!

I'm just wondering about anyone else's thoughts on this... I hate to say that I'm actually hoping to hear that he's not over me, and regrets breaking up. He seems depressed and angry all the time. I guess it's just the sting of being replaced that makes me want him to realize that he gave up something much more meaningful that what he's got now. I wouldn't get back together with him, but I do want a cosmic nod that I wasn't disposable I guess.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Thu, 09-27-2007 - 3:36pm

Welcome back

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Thu, 09-27-2007 - 3:47pm

Yup... I'm back. The ex that just won't go away. He's friends w/ my friends which is making everything difficult.

To some degree, I'm actually rather enjoying my regular updates of his follies. It goes to show that what goes around does indeed come back around. I half expect to hear the theme music to Benny Hill to be playing in the background every time I hear something about him.

I know I don't have it in me to say that I don't want to hear anything else about him. I HAVE found the strength to stop bringing him up in conversation, so the topic of the ex comes up less and less. However, he tends to be the one lashing out in my general direction even though it isn't directly at me.

Yeah... he's terrible at this manipulation thing, but he chooses his targets wisely. He knew if he went after our tender hearted yet persuasive friend Rachel, it was half the battle of getting back in good with our friend group regardless of his previous behavior. She may be a therapist, but she deals with some very messed up people (think addicts), so any show of "effort" tends to melt her instantly into believing that he's crossed back over into the land of rationality. She knows not to blindly believe it, but he's a good faker, and when she goes, many of the rest follow.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Thu, 09-27-2007 - 3:59pm

Hi again,


The Benny Hill theme music made me laugh.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Thu, 09-27-2007 - 4:08pm

Hehe... yeah, his antics are quite "Stooge-like".

I know it's his ego. I guess I just wish it was something more meaningful. I wish I wasn't hanging onto something so... plastic.

You're absolutely right though.

Here's wishing something real eventually does come along.