He thinks he isn't good enough
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He thinks he isn't good enough
| Thu, 03-10-2005 - 2:43pm |
Hi,
I am new to this board, but am hoping that someone can give me their take on a problem I am having... Last night my boyfriend (1 year) called me and told me that he was quitting school. Because he was quitting school, he said, he didn't think we should be together anymore because he doesn't want to face my parents and what the might think of him (note neither of my parents are college grads). When I told him that didnt make much sense he said that the didn't think he was good enough for me, that I wouldn't be happy with him, etc. He says that he loves me and that he would be happier with me than with out...but that its for the best that we aren't together. Has anyone ever heard of anything like this before??? I know that I can't change his mind if he doesn't want to be with me, but this just doesn't seem like a good reason to end an otherwise wonderful relationship. Opinions?
I am new to this board, but am hoping that someone can give me their take on a problem I am having... Last night my boyfriend (1 year) called me and told me that he was quitting school. Because he was quitting school, he said, he didn't think we should be together anymore because he doesn't want to face my parents and what the might think of him (note neither of my parents are college grads). When I told him that didnt make much sense he said that the didn't think he was good enough for me, that I wouldn't be happy with him, etc. He says that he loves me and that he would be happier with me than with out...but that its for the best that we aren't together. Has anyone ever heard of anything like this before??? I know that I can't change his mind if he doesn't want to be with me, but this just doesn't seem like a good reason to end an otherwise wonderful relationship. Opinions?

HEre's what you're NOT hearing.....alot of what he's been doing and pursuing has been because other people prioritized it, wanted it, thought it would be the right way to go or thing to do.
In all honesty, he's probably internally been rebelling against alot of it - school and some of the relationship obligations giong "I don't want this, it's not working for me."
But...he doesn't know how to 'not do what other people expect" since other people provide the security and benefits in his life.
He's finally getting up the courage to say "i need to take some time to figure out what I want and need and believe and how to become who I want to be." And so he's breaking ties with everything that he's been up to now.....in short, the person he's been has been an oscar winning actor putting on a quality performance...he's ready to stop performing and he knows that is going to incur alot of anger and resentment from the people who've sponsored him, stood by him, and helped him "choose" this path.
So he's saying that who you think he is......is not who he is....and until he knows who he is, he can't be with you. He's doing you a favor......take the favor and run with it.
Erin
quickblade14@hotmail.com
i think hes trying to learn who he is and figure out his life. it seems like hes going through a lot right now and has a lot to think about.
im sorry to say that i really dont think he wants to be with you...because this is a hard time in his life and he doesnt even want or need you to be there for him. =(
its very unfortunate circumstances and im sorry youre hurting, and think the reason is ridiculous. but you have to remember it is what it is. bottom line is he doesnt want to be with you right now, if ever.
if you need closure i would try to talk to him about it some more...if hes not willing to talk about it then hes not worth it anyway. and if he does talk to you about it maybe you will have a better understanding and be able to move on..
good luck with everything.
"I love you, but I'm not IN love with you"
It said that the first "I love you" means "I don't want to hurt you" and the rest stands "...but I'm not in love with you".
Remember when the author was on Oprah? It was talked about then, and I'm sorry but I lent out my copy of HJNTIY so I can't find where it is in the book. It falls into the gyst that guys will act like jerks and be distant and disconnected in an attempt to get HER to dump him. Then, at least in theory, he's not the bad guy.
In the OP, that's what I got. I bet that "I love you but I'm not in love with you" is exactly what he's saying and/or doing. If he was THAT into her, instead of using "not good enough for you" as a cop out excuse, he'd better himself and rise to her level. He'd step up to more than good enough for her because he didn't want to lose her. He's not doing that, he's trying to get out.
Edited 3/12/2005 10:48 am ET ET by angelicafox
To me.. it sounds like the "it's not you its me" excuse, a total copout, there might be another reason but he's just afraid of hurting you, my bf did the same thing, he loves me but he's not in love with me, but since he loved me he didn't wanna tell me he wasn't in love with me and wanted to just be friends, instead he was like I'm not good enough for you, and he made me think for a year and 1/2 that he wanted to be with me when infact he didnt!
I think you might wanna sit down and talk with him, the fact that he's quitting college says that there's more problems goin on with him mentally than what he's showing you. Keep your chin up and we're here if you need us!