he tries to contact me
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| Mon, 05-29-2006 - 4:35pm |
My bf of 4 months broke up with me about 4 weeks ago. He has been trying to contact me 2 weeks after the break up. I have not responded to any of his attempt yet.
First,on Monday two weeks ago, he sent me text to my cell phone saying,'last couple of weeks have been quick in some ways but long in others. I have some things for you and also would like to know how you are. I'd like to give the things to you directly, but will mail if you prefer.' I ignored and didn't respond because I did not leave any in his place and even if I left something it must not be important so either getting them back or not didn't matter to me. And as he said, I thought it would mail them if I didn't reply.
Then the same week on Friday, he called me and left me a message basically saying the same thing as the text message and he added that "he's been missing me" and I didn't respond.
And then the next day on Saturday, he dropped by my place and left my stuff at the door. (it was my work out t-shirts and two food containers !! - what was so big deal !!) There was a card and he wrote, "I never wanted to hurt you and never realized how much I'd miss you. Please call." and I didn't respond.
This Saturday, it's been a week since he dropped the stuff at my door, he sent me an email saying, "I have been thinking of you a lot. I miss you. I keep thinking I made a big mistake. I'd like to talk things through with you. Since you haven't replied to my other attempts to reach you, if you don't reply to this one, I will assume I lost my chance"
I am not sure if I'd like to talk to him. I was totally blindsided when he broke up with me. I cried so much and rubbed my eyes a lot so I had my eyes scratched. I had to wear my glasses for more than a week and on medication. I've never thought he would try to talk to me such way. I made it clear I would not remain as his friend. As amicable it seemed, the way we broke up, since we just talked, there was no fight, no yelling, no blaming, it was as hostile and crual to me because it was so sudden and came to me as a shock.
I feel he's playing with my heart again. The ways he tries to reach me seem so rehearsed. He tried every possible medium once, text mesage, phone call, stopping by my place, email, all once.
Please tell me your insights.
J

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I think that if you're not sure you want to talk to him, then you should take your time in deciding whether to respond or not.
I also think that if you felt it was meant to be, in your heart of hearts, you wouldn't hesitate to see what he had to say. So the fact that you're ambivalent, IMO, says something.
Sheri
IMHO, he's playing you. For him to act as though it was life or death to return things like shirts and food containers is just crazy. And the fact that you're not sure you want to talk to him and have avoided replying thus far speaks volumes about your true feelings about him, I think.
I really feel you're doing the right thing by continuing no communication with him.
Thank you very much everybody. I forgot to log on when I was posting. Well, I am new on this board.
Today, he called me again and left me a message. It was painful hearing his voice. He was hesitant because he wasn't sure if I've got his text message, email, etc. I feel pretty bad about making him wondered. But still, I don't want to talk to him. I'd never thought he would try to come back and talk to me. Would it be ok not to talk to him? I don't want to go through this guilt trip by not talking to him. I know it's not a selfish of doing things necessary for myself to heal. Anyway, I feel bad. Hopefully I will forget it soon.
Again, thank you all for your insights and support
Hello, thank you for sharing your insights about your admirer trying to get back with you. Me and my ex just broke up Monday, and then he went on a job training trip to Conneticut for a few days and since his Metro PCS phone can't work there, we haven't talked. Today, however, he was supposed to return home, but his flight got rained out in Atlanta (poor him! ha!!!) Anyway, his phone works there so as soon as he could, he text messaged me, and then shortly left me a voicemail. hahah It was actually quite funny. I was admiring myself with my camera phone, and when I went to erase a pic, he called, and so the button turned into "Ignore" so I **accidentally** ignored his call. lol
But anyway, I do really love him. I read many posts on this site, and I wondered when he would call exactly, and it happened to be right away. Now, I feel a little power in this situation which is a relief. I was wondering, "How long do I need to wait until I contact him?" We both attend the same church, and we have a huge annual church event coming up this Sunday so I know I'll him there. I know we're friends, but I won't just take him back so easily. I mean, I'm not a proud or stubborn person, but I refuse to just let someone make a pushover out of me, ya know?
Anyway, I was wondering if there's advice regarding how long I should wait to contact him and if I don't call, will he get tired and give up on me? I mean, he said we both needed time and space, but I thought that's what I was doing. Plus, I think that since he's stuck in ATL, he must be getting pretty lonely and has all the time in the world to think about how he screwed things up. It has been three hours since he's called. I do miss him, but I'm very unsure of how the conversation will go. I don't want it to feel forced or awkward; I just want it to be the way it used to be, but I know it will take some time.
Thank you for reading this post. :) And I hope the best for all you guys and ladies.
Take care,
Unsure in Sacramento
We all have a learning curve in the beginning, lol. ;-)
As for the guy, honey, if you don't want to talk to him, then don't talk to him, and don't feel guilty about it, either. You're not together anymore. So, you have no obligation to him anymore, and you don't have to listen to his messages anymore, either.
Good for you! It can be hard to ignore calls, tms, etc. and I applaud your discipline, stubborness or whatever it is that made you ignore his attempts. In my opinion, I think he expected you to cry and beg for another chance after he dumped you. The fact that you didn't is what is keeping him interested. Sounds like a player to me.
You never said WHY he ended things. But if it blindsided you, it was probably not justified. Has he apologized for his actions in any of his attempts to contact you? Doesn't sound like it. Saying that he misses you and wanting to know how you're doing is just a lame attempt to see if you'll admit how upset you've been since the breakup.
Short of a long letter apologizing profusely for being rash and immature and asking for forgiveness and a second chance, I say keep doing what you're doing and ignoring him. Best wishes to you...
Thanks Mamacita888 ! Your words are so accurate as it's almost painful to read.
Break up happens to everybody but it came to me as a shock because he broke up with
me "not like a man." The day before he broke up with me, we went out to a Jazz club. The singer sang a song "is he my baby, ain't he my baby," I looked at him asked jokingly, "is he my baby, ain't he my baby?" he didn't answer. We spent the night together. I felt really weird the next morning on Sat. so I asked if we could talk. He said he wanted to talk to me as much as I did. And he said he didn't think we are compatible. "the energy level is different." This is exactly what he said. I didn't bother to ask. (now I look back and think about the 'energy level' I am so resentful the way he made conclusion about our whatever 'energy level' difference because as soon as I met him, I had a car accident and I was on the crutches till mid March. I couldn't move/turn my torso for months after the accident. What energy level?) I still don't know what he meant by it. I tried to convince him to stay together but then nobody can stop peple leaving. I asked how long he've been thinking of break it off then he said, 'a week.'
To my surprise, he's been trying to contact me exactly 2 weeks after the break up. Several reasons why I don't like to open a conversation with him. I don't like to lose my dignity again. Second, I don't trust him any more. One week of thinking can break off 4 months of memories and friendship, and 2 weeks of thinking can reverse the decision, I don't get it. I am 30 and he's 39.(no previous marriage, no kids for both of us) I have become more clear of what I want by this age. I think he should know what he really wants.
Actually the worst part of the story happened the day we broke up. It was in the morning then when I left his place, I called my friend to hold me up. It was the longest day. I cried non stop, so I decided to give him a call in the evening. He picked up the phone and said it was very painful for him too and wanted to see me. So we met that night at his place. We talked a lot. He cried and shared a lot of his private side with me, we hugged the whole time. I had no doubt that we got back together. Guess what! We spent the night together and the next morning, I felt something was wrong. I asked again if he's my baby, he couldn't answer me. I was really really mad. If we didn't get back together, he shouldn't have slept with me. He said he didn't know I thought that way. Let me tell you I am very easy to read. I am 100% sure he knew I thought we were back together. No matter how coward all men could be, the least thing they could do is keeping the decency. This is why I don't like to talk to him again.
I am sorry to drag the story long.
Again thank you all for the support and I mean it.
Jamie
Are you clear why he broke up with you?
Did you agree with his rationale?
Did you agree with his arguments that it would not work between
the two of you?
Do you think it could work out between the two of you?
I broke up with someone a month ago. Two weeks later I was
full of guilt as to how I must have hurt him by leaving.
I contacted him, he did not respond. I left it at that.
Maybe a chance for conversation will come in the future, I do not know.
The "I miss you" contact could be a prelude to "I made a mistake,
let's be together again". Would you like that?
It can be a hurtful conversation, again, and you do not want to be hurt,
but weigh it against how much is still unclear for you after the breakup
and what you would like to ask the other person.
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