he tries to contact me
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| Mon, 05-29-2006 - 4:35pm |
My bf of 4 months broke up with me about 4 weeks ago. He has been trying to contact me 2 weeks after the break up. I have not responded to any of his attempt yet.
First,on Monday two weeks ago, he sent me text to my cell phone saying,'last couple of weeks have been quick in some ways but long in others. I have some things for you and also would like to know how you are. I'd like to give the things to you directly, but will mail if you prefer.' I ignored and didn't respond because I did not leave any in his place and even if I left something it must not be important so either getting them back or not didn't matter to me. And as he said, I thought it would mail them if I didn't reply.
Then the same week on Friday, he called me and left me a message basically saying the same thing as the text message and he added that "he's been missing me" and I didn't respond.
And then the next day on Saturday, he dropped by my place and left my stuff at the door. (it was my work out t-shirts and two food containers !! - what was so big deal !!) There was a card and he wrote, "I never wanted to hurt you and never realized how much I'd miss you. Please call." and I didn't respond.
This Saturday, it's been a week since he dropped the stuff at my door, he sent me an email saying, "I have been thinking of you a lot. I miss you. I keep thinking I made a big mistake. I'd like to talk things through with you. Since you haven't replied to my other attempts to reach you, if you don't reply to this one, I will assume I lost my chance"
I am not sure if I'd like to talk to him. I was totally blindsided when he broke up with me. I cried so much and rubbed my eyes a lot so I had my eyes scratched. I had to wear my glasses for more than a week and on medication. I've never thought he would try to talk to me such way. I made it clear I would not remain as his friend. As amicable it seemed, the way we broke up, since we just talked, there was no fight, no yelling, no blaming, it was as hostile and crual to me because it was so sudden and came to me as a shock.
I feel he's playing with my heart again. The ways he tries to reach me seem so rehearsed. He tried every possible medium once, text mesage, phone call, stopping by my place, email, all once.
Please tell me your insights.
J

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You're very welcome.
Re: sleeping with you after breaking up with you -- that is really low. The fact that he did something so intimate knowing FULL WELL he did not want to get back together with you is terrible. And it sounds like he said and did things to make you think you guys were back together in order to get you to sleep with him.
I also want to add that I thought the man you were describing was in his early to mid-20s. The fact that he is behaving like this at 39 is unacceptable.
You definitely deserve someone better. And you'll find someone. In the meantime, nurse and protect your heart until it's ready to love again.
Thank you for the support. I have to admit that the reason why I could stay strong is not only because of the bad break up itself but also because of the support from my friends. 3 friends of mine have been sticking with me every weekend. They've been very empathetic and have me open my eyes to the right kind of relationship. 2 of them are a married couple and 1 is single man. Ironically this single guy friend was dumped earlier this year by my exbf's best female friend. I was of course tried to be there for him with my best effort. He's now much better off and he now realized that she's not a type of girl he would never be dating. Guess it was because he's only been here less than a year. He's from Italy.
I honestly feel a little bit of attraction. I didn't realize it till last week. I realized that I laugh a lot around him and I always look forward to seeing him on weekend. Although he works crazy hours 6 am till midnight everyday, not to mention working on weekends. He still takes his time to call me, in fact, one day sometime two week ago, on the phone, he asked me if he called me too often. I realized that he usually send me text message just to say good night pretty much everyday. ( because most of time after work it's after midnight)
Before, when I was with my exbf, the most common topic between us was how to get him a girl friend. We'd sit at a bar together and talked about girls around. I'd ask what type of girl he'd like, etc. He shared his strategy how to get a girl. Now, I don't remember exactly since when, I realized he doesn't talk about getting a gf any more. It was funny one night, without the other couple friend, we were having a dinner at a restaurant, he asked me about marriage. I shared my thoughts with him and then I asked him why he asked such thing then he goes with lots of laught 'don't worry I won't marry you'. I didn't take it as an offense. Last night, he called me from his business trip, on his way from Portland to Reno, there was another marriage question from him, which is just general, (well I am under a special circumstance due to the immigration matter, I can't marry anybody because of the paper work.) I guess he just wanted to clarify as well as getting updates if there was any change on my immigration situation. Practically we talk everyday, actually more than once a day regarless where he would be, out of town or in town. Anyway, I jokingly said, 'well you won't marry me'- he's a permanent resident here- he jumped and asked when he said such thing. Apparently, he didn't remember also I'd never thought it was such a big deal. I explained then he was on and on how wonderful person I was. He gave me quite a compliment which was very nice. Adding it might be a possibility that marriage was for us or not, regardless he said I was one of a few amazing people he'd ever met.
I don't think I am being flirtatious with him. I am just genuine and kind towards my good friends. However, I can't lie that now it's got my attention that he's available. The last thing I'd like to see happening would be losing his friendship because of some sort of attraction/romantic (?) tension between us. I know it's not going to be good for me to jump into a dating scene now and I am not planning to. I've always thought he's cute from the day one I met him through my exbf. Life is full of irony and surprise.
Thank you for reading. Again, I appreciate everybody who's read my story and support I got from you all.
Jamie
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