he used me, I wanted to be with him.....

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2003
he used me, I wanted to be with him.....
3
Sat, 07-31-2004 - 1:59pm
Here goes.........I was in a friendship with this guy for 10 months. I had feelings for him and I had hoped it would blossom into a relationship...it didnt. I was good to him, I was always there, when he needed me......I bought him gifts, gave him money,helped him study(we're in college), cheered him up when he was said..........I did it all. He was hardly ever there for me in any way. We were close.....so re ently i got fed up when i went through something tough and he wasnt there for me. I told him that I didnt want to be friends anymore.........he said that he didnt want that but I told him that I felt like he was just recieveing and not giving. He hurt me so much. It was then he told me that he had a gf and that he had for a few weekes, I was hurt because he knew how I felt for him and he felt something for me I know but whenever I brought up relationship.........he said he wasnt ready and stuff. So I had hoped that he would be ready one day. He said he was sorry.......that he knows that his having a gf hurts me but he's sorry. I was ........hurt. So almost two weeks have passed. We've seen each other........said hi thats it...........sometimes I catch him watching me.........or something. Its weird between us now I guess. I know that he liked what I did for him, being a good friend.........I think that he might miss me.......I hope he does regret being a jerk to me and using me like he did.......Its been hard trying not to think about him and all.........but I do feel happier now. I dont have to worry about trying to make him like me or stuff........I feel happier. Its hard to let go...........does anyone have any advice for me? I'm pretty, kind and smart.......I was so good to him. I dont know what I did wrong.....all my friends say its his loss but I still feel hurt.......but its getting better every day. he treated me so awful.......I see that now.He took advantage of me..we werent sleeping together....he kissed me once.......it was a peck on the lips and later he said that it wasnt a real kiss or anything which hurt me bad.I feel like I miss him sometimes but I feel better alone. Thx for reading and responding!
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-21-2004
Sat, 07-31-2004 - 9:14pm
I know exactly what you're going through. Guys really do enjoy having someone lusting after them, alot more than women. For guys it seems to be a necessity for their ego. They like the attention even though they know that the girl has actual feelings for them. This seems to over ride their needs. Just as I did, you filled a void that was essential for him. You were the girlfriend without responsibility or sex. You were the part of a girlfriend that all guys want. Caring, loving, etc. He will miss you more than he will ever know. I bet he does have feelings for you somewhere in his heart. Unfortunately, most guys would rather deny everything than admit their feelings. You don't need this at all. Listen to your friends because they really do have your best interests in mind. Hope I helped.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2004
Sun, 08-01-2004 - 8:59am
You are better off keeping your distance. I had a similar relationship just after college. I would do everything for my friend and we even had a physical relationship but he kept telling me that he didn't want a relationship. He was looking for a job and didn't know where he was going to end up.

One day when I was in his room, I found notes from some girl. I began making myself unavailable to him b/c it hurt so much for me to see him. This girl ended up being his girlfriend for two years. I believe no matter what the situation if two people are interested in eachother, they will make it happen. If it isn't there for one person, they can't force themselves to have feelings that they don't. I think what happens with men a lot is that they think a girl is pretty, they believe that she would be the type of girl that they want to be with so they try to keep her in his life. However, something just isn't there. I feel like I just went through this with my ex. We were together for two years. He knew that I was the woman that he wanted to marry but he wasn't ready for marriage yet. He still feels that he needs to date and be single, live on his own. He moved from his mom's house to our apartment and I take care of everything. He stayed with me b/c he didn't want to lose me but ended up taking me for granted.

Take care and good luck. I believe that you are doing the right thing. Keep your distance until your feelings subside for him.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2003
Mon, 08-02-2004 - 12:00pm
Ok....an update on my situation, my ex-friend(who after 10 months of treating hi like gold even though he was a jerk to me) spoke to me this morning. He said Hi, asked how I was, my weekend, told me he injured himself working out over the weekend, etc, small talk.This is the first tie has made an effort to taalk to e since I ditched him 13 days ago. I answered his questions politely but with short not too detailed answers. Why do you think he is trying to talk to me now, I know he hasnt changed, is this a sign that he wants e back, but dont worry, I'm not taking hi back! I feel too good about myself now! He seemed kind of wistful.......I know he used the injury thing so he could get sypmathy from e, I told him that he should stretch more...I didnt falla apart, I am so glad I was strong. I almost gave in and said I was sorry about how things were but I didnt! Any comments? Now, I'm not waiting for him to realize that the grass isnt always so green but it is a nice bonus if he is.