HE WANTS TO COME BACK!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2004
HE WANTS TO COME BACK!!!!
3
Mon, 11-01-2004 - 12:11pm
Hi all-

I haven't posted in a while, but have been checking out all that's been going on. Just to refresh your memories from early october, here is my initial post.

http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-rlbreaking&msg=16583.1

I have had a really tough two months trying (emphasis on TRYING) to get over him. I love him dearly, but he decided to leave. And I couldn't change that. Well, yesterday afternoon I got a text message with the words I've been waiting to hear, and now I don't know what to do with them. He called, we talked, he came over, we had lunch, and then he left. I didn't sleep with him, but we kissed. I told him I needed some time to think about things, I told him I couldnt' just jump back into things. I asked him what changed his mind. He said he has had a very rough two months without me. That this time apart has made it aparent that I'm way too important to him. He said he was very sorry and he had been stupid to leave the best thing he's ever had. He says he loves me. And that he wants a serious committed relationship with me. He also says he's been thinking about doing this for three weeks, and that he decided he was sure and if he weren't, he wouldn't come back. I don't know what to think and I don't know what to do. I love him with all my heart. But I'm scared of falling on my face again after taking such a big risk. Some of my friends say I should do what my heart tells me to do. Some say, NOOOO WAAAY, act with your head. I'm not one for ultimatums. I think they are dumb. But I feel like this is where someone like Charlotte York would do that. Any thoughts? I love him...but I love myself more. So I must tread lightly here....but what to do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2004
Mon, 11-01-2004 - 1:03pm
Just make sure he warrants a second chance. He broke things off because he said he wanted to see other people, now only a month later he says he made a mistake. I'm not saying he genuinely did not realize he made a mistake but he had his reasons for leaving and YOU want to make sure he's gotten whatever it is out of his system so YOU do not get hurt again. Make sure he is just not lonely or simply missing the times you had together. You sound like a wonderful person and he probably did screw up by leaving you (as I feel my ex did by breaking up with me - his loss!).

The ball is in your court now so don't underestimate the "control" of the situation you have right now. It feels good doesn't it? Keep in mind how badly you felt when you had absolutely no control when he decided to leave. If you feel he is worthy of a second chance make him earn it so that he knows he can't just waltz back in your life, IF HE IS WORTHY HE WILL MOVE MOUNTAINS TO TRY AND BE WITH YOU. You have more of a reason to be cautious about letting him back into your life than you do about being impressed with him right now so there is no harm in letting him know that it will take time if you do want him back. He needs to re-earn your trust and that cannot be done overnight. Sounds like you were thinking clearly when you told him you needed to think things over, good for you!

Your friends are just being protective of you, I would listen to what they have to say (although you have to decide what is best for you). Often outside parties offer a good outside perspective when we are blindly in love with someone and don't always see the real side to things.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2004
Mon, 11-01-2004 - 5:32pm
Thanks so much for your reply. Your words are very kind and sound really wise. I think I will, indeed, take some time to think about this and not jump into anything, like another good friend emailed me today...I wouldn't want to give him the message that he can just come in and out of my life without any consequence. I love him and miss him, that's true. But I've hated the way I've felt for the past two months and I have to remember that. I just received an email from him saying he wants things to be "the way they were". I answered that the day I can look into his eyes and not remember that the past two months felt like I was kicked in the chest on a daily basis, then maybe we can be "the way we were". I said there is some serious work ahead if he really wants to be with me. Things cant just be the same at the blink of an eye. I need some time to figure things out. I know this, and i intend to take the time I need. Thanks for your words and know that everytime people post and provide an opinion, it is very appreciated. I sometimes feel like my friends are SICK of hearing my bf drama. So thank you for taking the time.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2004
Mon, 11-01-2004 - 9:34pm
I know this is the kind of response you'll probably hate but.....only you can decide what to do. You need to do what's best for you. Just remember why you broke up. When he wanted to "see other people" do you think he had someone in mind? I'm trying to determine if he just is coming back because what he had in mind didn't work out or because he genuinely relized he made a huge mistake. If you decide to give him another chance I would just be careful. Keep your gaurd up and make him work to get back to what you had.....don't just jump back to the way things were. It's his fault that you broke up......make him prove how much he loves you and that way you won't have as many doubts and worries about his motives. Good luck no matter what you decide and we're here if you need us.









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