He wants to get back together.
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He wants to get back together.
| Tue, 09-07-2004 - 10:50am |
I did really well this weekend w/o him. I had a lot of alone time to think. Then, I get a call yesterday from him wanting to see our daughter. Code for "we need to talk about us face to face." Well, of course he waits till she's already in bed to make an appearance. We talked and talked and talked. Mostly about the good things and how we cherish those stil. But, we talked about the bad things to. His "problem" and how I can't help him w/that. There's only so much I can do. He promised to talk to me when he got the urge. That this week has been a reality check for him. How that isn't the person he wants to be anymore. But, I've heard this before and everything he's promising he's promised before. I hate being alone. No one likes being lonely. But, I'm just not sure what I'm willing to take to have someone standing beside me....sometimes. I just don't know. Part of me wants to give him another chance b/c I do love him and there are a lot of good things in this relationship. Then a part of me is saying HEY!!! What are you thinking?!?!!! Why am I thinking of jumping back into this? Have any of you been through this? Does it get better when you keep taking them back? Do they finally offer something you want? I should run shouldn't I? I'm so confused....Help me please. He's coming back over tonight and I really need to make up my mind. Thanks.
Melissa

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Melissa
Melissa
Boy, do I really relate to where you're coming from! You know that saying, "It ain't over till it's over"? I think that sometimes, even if at the bottom of our hearts we know we're letting go of something, we just have to go through the PROCESS until it has reached its end. There's a reason we need to take as much time as we need -- because throughout the entire process we are learning lessons we need to learn.
It sounds to me like your gut feeling is telling you, "I don't trust this person. I don't know if I ever CAN trust him." It also sounds like you probably have a lot of energy that is going to managing this relationship that you might like to apply elsewhere -- such as to fixing up your house (alone).
One thing I know from my recent breakup experience (after going back and forth several times as you are) is that when I was REALLY ready to let go, it felt more like RELIEF than like grief. Sure, grief was still there, but the feeling of relief outweighed it. Prior to that, when I wasn't quite ready to let go, the grief outweighed the thought of relief.
Best of wishes,
toriphile
I don't know if anyone has suggested this to you, but have you considered AlAnon? If your partner is an addict, then it may be a great place to start to try to lessen your confusion. There is a board called Co-Dependents and Love Addicts on the relationship board. It wouldn't hurt to pop over there and post your story. There are some wonderful women on the board with a wealth of information and guidance. There is no judgement -- just understanding and sometimes tough advice -- which believe me isn't a bad thing.
take care,
Lois
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