He wants me to tell him what's wrong...

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
He wants me to tell him what's wrong...
6
Tue, 02-27-2007 - 3:59pm

So we still talk. Its not as often. If you read my story we were engaged but we broke up because his ex is keeping his son from him. We are long distance. We still love each other. We are still friends...or trying to be.

Today he calls and we chat about normal things like always. My best friend and I are not really speaking because in her own way she's tired of hearing about it. Or at least tired of seeing me upset which is fine. I understand no one wants to see their friend a weepy crying mess. But when I spoke to her last and I asked if she wanted to know what was going on she groaned and said "Ugh, go ahead" very huffy. So we haven't spoken in almost a week except for yesterday briefly.

So today when he called and he kept asking me how I was, I kept avoiding the question he asked if I was going to the spa with my friend, as we were booked for that but because of a snow storm it was cancelled. i told him, her and I weren't really speaking and he asked why and I tried to side step it and just move the conversation along but he kept probing and finally I said she didn't want to hear about him anymore. He got upset and asked me to call him later. I don't want to be all whiney and weepy on the phone with him so I didn't want to say anything but he kept pushing. I don't know what to do. he is really my best friend and I tell him everything and even though we can't be together if I had to cut him out completely I just don't know how to recover from that. I just don't know how to handle this situation, I don't know what to do.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Tue, 02-27-2007 - 5:03pm

Sun, he's made his decision and by lingering you are putting off the inevitable.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-12-2004
Tue, 02-27-2007 - 8:37pm

I broke up with the guy that was my best friend. Things had gone from wonderful to awful and I was feeling bad about myself. We stayed friends since we were both hoping that we would get back together. I was hoping putting a little space between us and allowing him to work out whatever issues he had would eventually bring us back together.

Things had been really great between us, we were getting along great and were going to take a spring break trip when he tells me last week that he is seeing someone new. I had planned to talk to him about getting back together on this trip.

Moral of the story. Don't stay friends it will probably really hurt you when you find out he is seeing someone else. That is why I am hurting now.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Tue, 02-27-2007 - 10:13pm
Did you see the movie The Holiday with Cameron Diaz and Jude Law?
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Wed, 02-28-2007 - 9:42am
Thank you everyone for your input. I'm happy to have other opinions. Of course its different when you're in it. Last night him and I had a long talk. Mostly as friends. He said that he doesn't think he made the right decision. He hasn't told the baby mama anything. I told him that if he's not sure to just not do anything because how is it going to be if he gets himself in the situation where he he's miserable and this time he has to walk out on his son. How is that going to affect him and his child? He knows that he can't be with his ex. They don't work as a couple. I know that it has to be an extremely hard decision to choose between the person you love and your child. I told him all of this. He hates that he's doing this to me. There really isn't any love lost between us. I know that if we get back together we have a lot to work out and I know that he is going to have to make some hard decisions regarding the situation between me, him, his son and his ex. They never really worked out their lives after they broke up and its time to do that, not just for themselves but for their son who's inevitably going to be the victim no matter what. I want to be happy and I want someone who's going to put me first but I have to be accepting of the fact that when dealing with a person who has a child I'm not going to come first. I will have to matter though and it will be a demand that I make if we decide to give this another try. Relationships are a lot of work and I think that we have something worth fighting for. I might get hurt again. I don't know that. I could move on and get hurt from that. I just don't know what the future holds.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Wed, 02-28-2007 - 11:44am

This part: "I know that it has to be an extremely hard decision to choose between the person you love and your child."


From what you wrote, I've never saw it this way.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Wed, 02-28-2007 - 12:19pm
You are absolutely right. That's exactly what its about. And now he's seeing that. And if (and its a big IF) he can see it, understand it, call it what it is, and stand up to her against it, then we can work out our situation but not until he gets down to the nitty gritty and makes her stop her emotional blackmail (which I used by the way when I was talking to him last night). I'm trying to not make excuses for him but I know he's thinking that it is about being with his son everyday and that's really all he was thinking. the more he sees through the fog that he can be a good father without being there everyday the more he feels like he's not abandoning his child.
I really, really am trying to see this from every angle. And yes I am putting myself first it might not seem like it from what I am saying but in my mind I know that I won't continue this if I think in anyway that he's not completely committed to me and to us. but I can't just give up because he made a mistake. If he chooses to correct the mistake than we have a shot if he doesn't than I am no worse off than right now.