He wants to talk

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2003
He wants to talk
4
Sun, 08-29-2004 - 2:42pm
My ex and I started dating in high school and knew eachother from when we were little kids. He went off to school in Chicago and I went to Boston. We made it work last year, saw eachother at least once a month. It was hard--a lot of time and effort went into our relationship and the future was always uncertain. I had faith that if anyone could make such a thing work, we could.

Things continued this summer...we went to Europe together for a couple weeks, went to the Cape, worked, etc. I had the inkling he was distant and almost too pensive, but, as we both knew we were going to have to struggle through another year, I figured this was pretty normal.

On Thursday, I came back from dinner with some friends. We went upstairs, we were watching TV, I was sitting on his lap...and he said we had to talk. He said it hurt too much, he was too young, he couldn't do it anymore. I was angry...of course, got my stuff, put it in my car...thinking, how do I want him to see me right now? Angry? Sad? Positive? I decided to hide my hurt and began joking about how I wasn't going to make this easy on him. We went to Starbucks for a short conversation, which included me teasing him about how I could date again. (You know those kind of comments that seem good-natured but are really meant to hurt?)

Well...I cried and cried. Have been bipolar for the past two days. I am more upset in the morning, when the whole day is in front of me. I feel so betrayed...when I am sobbing on the floor I can't help but wonder, how could he do this to me? He must not have really loved me if he could cause me so much pain.

Then the text-messaging started...then he called last night to see if I wanted to talk. He said something wasn't sitting right (duh, you broke up with me, one of the best women in the world!) and he had things to say which would kill him if he didn't. I already had plans to see a friend, but agreed to talk tomorrow when I bring over his things and some pictures from our trip. (I ended up running into him last night when I was out--he was alone, all his friends have gone back to school. We hugged and he told me to hang in there. He seemed disoriented. Then another text-message today apologizing for yesterday's awkward situation...)

I know he's a young, 19-year-old boy. I know he has decided not to be with me anymore; it's easier to be free (I understand this rather well; I am only 18). Do I allow him to be a part of my life? I do not want to be strung along; I do not want to wait for him to reconsider. (He won't until he's unhappy in the future and realizes what he's missed. At that point, I should be happy with someone else. :) ) I thought we were meant to be together. He's still so young I can almost excuse his emotional immaturity and do what young people do; make foolish mistakes like "relapsing" and getting hurt over and over again. I don't want to lose this man. I want to see where his life takes him...we both have great things ahead of us, but right now he has the upperhand.

So, do I hear him out tomorrow or do I have my mom bring over the stuff? Of course, I feel like I would die if I didn't hear what he had to say. I've never done this before. Do I want to hurt him by cutting him off completely? That seems immature to me. (That, of course, could be me rationalizing wanting to see him again, the only thing I am looking forward to before going back to school on Wednesday.)

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-20-2004
Mon, 08-30-2004 - 12:39pm
sweetie,

your way to young to be so unhappy. live a little, experience alot. youre just too young!! focus on h.s. or getting into college. trust me, men will be there, there's going to be alot more heartaches, break-ups and questions. dont plague yourself on these matter so young. you should be discovering who you are and the things you want out of life.

men will always be there. dry your eyes and go shopping.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2003
Tue, 08-31-2004 - 12:20am
Thanks for the reply--LOL. I suppose my post does seem a bit trivial compared to older women who are TRULY hurting.

Going into my second year at BU--guess it was just nice to have a best friend to share everything with. When you're far to one side of the "bell curve" it's hard to find peers. I was very relieved when I found this one; before that I felt I would always be alone. I am sure we will both be fine and remain good friends.

Update: I did go over myself. I feel much better now.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2004
Tue, 08-31-2004 - 5:51am
I have just passed through a break up of a long-distance relationship just like you did.i thought my ex bf really loved me as we talked on the phone everyday and met up every month and had even made future holiday plans.However,he wasn't ready to settle down my moving here or me moving to Rome where he lived.

I don't blame myself as after all i did my best to try and make the relationship work out.I couldn't have done more than this.......and you should do the same.don't blame yourself for what happened.just like me you did your best to make the relationship work out.

Its your ex who's at a loss not you as he lost a wonderful girl. In my opinion I would be careful how much contact you keep with him as the more contact you have the more difficult it is to forget him.I don't intend to meet my ex again unless he changes his mind about the relationship as i will never get through the heartbreak !

good luck with your future love life !!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2004
Tue, 08-31-2004 - 1:46pm
broken hearts know no age... take your time and deal with all your emotions .....