he was in an accident...
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| Tue, 08-21-2007 - 12:08am |
We've been broken up for about a month and a half...talking occasionally if I initiated it, until we finally decided it would be an official breakup about two weeks ago. We haven't talked since and then today he texts me that he was in a pretty bad accident last night and "just thought i would want to know." My phone was off so I didn't get the message til hours later...showed my friend and she said oh call him. So I did and I was pretty cold to him on the phone. I asked him when he would be back in town and he said on monday but he didn't say "lets get together" or anything so it was awkward and i just said "see ya around" and hung up.
Later I texted him to say sorry for being weird on the phone and i'm sorry to hear about the accident and i'm glad hes ok and he said yeah you were weird but thanks, see you soon.
I'm not sure why he thought i would care about his accident or want to know. I also am not sure if he wants to see me when he gets back in town or not...he just keeps saying "see you soon." What is going on here? Why should he want me to care about him and his accident when he has made it pretty clear to me that he doesn't really care about me?

hmmm. Not to sound heartless, but your friend would have been better off telling you not to call. None of this be the 'bigger person' crap.
To put it in perspective, if YOU were in an accident and texted him about it, do you think HE WOULD CALL YOU?! I'd venture a 'no'. I don't know why he would want you to care. It could be because he has nobody else to care, he wants to use it as an egostroke (wants to know you're still hung over him), long habit, i don't know. But the bottom line is, you are not his post to lean on whenenver he wants to anymore and the sooner you educate him on your idea of 'space' and 'break up' the better.
cheers
Susanna
Yeah, I guess I did kinda mess that up...
He probably wouldn't have called me if I were in an accident. He really just isnt that nice of a person, so why do I still care about him??
Hi justgo2007,
Sounds like he's made no effort to contact you regarding the 'break' (or break up) because he still doesn't know what to say.
Wow, I'm kind of surprised at the response you got. I
Sandra, I'm not really sure I understand what you are saying...I shouldn't have called him? Or I should have? I should have been nicer? I don't really want to get back together with him after everything he has done to hurt me and i guess it just seemed weird to me that he would call me trying to get sympathy or something after all he's done (and he KNOWS and ADMITS he is in the wrong and hurt me a lot). I wasn't trying to be cold to him...i guess it was more of a very awkward conversation since I was in a car with some friends and he wasn't really responsive to anything I was saying (awkward silences, i tried to ask him when he was coming back to town and he didn't really give an exact time/tell me he would try to let me know or call me). None of this seems "natural" to me because we never had problems communicating before our break up and I really don't know where he stands on his feelings for me now. Should I take this as a sign of him 'reaching out' to me...but for what? He hasn't let me reach out to him all summer and I've really needed him. He just walked away from me.
I'm also pretty sure he doesn't want to open up any real lines of communication because he hasn't tried to at all before this and has pretty much said he doesn't see us getting back together. He never says "I'll call you when I get back in town and we can catch up", he always just says "see you soon".
Ah sorry, let me clarify.
My issue with this is that when I cordially sent my ex a "get better ecard" about how he was after his unexpected 'emergency' phone call from the doctor (2 days after our break up), he told me what I could do with myself and to leave him alone (in highly unpublishable terms). AND, his best friend contacts me the next day to coldly chew me out for being a clingy psychotic ex and told me to move the hell on.....AND during our break up (it was quite long), I went to the hospital, and he went out to watch a movie and handed over his sunday sermon break up email the next day. I cried for days after that.
So yes, I have to admit, my foray into this 'bigger person' business has been highly disappointing. I actually DO look back and think 'wow, whatever possessed you to call him?' It came back to bite me in the behind.
But then this is a crazy extreme case. I think if the two of you are cordial, and you didn't have a nightmarish sort of break up, then being the bigger person is just fine. So I guess it depends on the situation and your judgement. My two exes before this last one, I would not hesitate to contact if I heard they'd been in an accident of any sort. Our break ups hurt and our relationship wasn't the greatest, but, in hindsight, there was a good mutual respect for each other when we parted ways and I didn't regretting having dated them at all. There were no harsh words, none of this reputation smearing that my ex seems to be so fond of. No craziness. But this last one, I would not touch again.
Susanna
Edited 8/21/2007 9:14 pm ET by unicornssong