he was gone in a flash...
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| Wed, 08-29-2007 - 2:06am |
Hi all
Nice to find this board. I'm Maria, 23, recent college grad from Canada.
About 6 months ago, I dated the son of family friends for about 2 weeks. We had gone out a few times for coffee as friends for a few months after years of not seeing each other. I felt something there but he had a girlfriend (yet he told me things weren't going well and that he was unhappy despite getting back together with her and trying to work things out)
One day after a party both our families attended, he admitted to me that he liked me a lot, that he wanted to be with me, that his relationship had been "over" to him long ago and that he was ready to move on and be happy. We kissed, but I told him that he needed to figure things out and that I didn't want to jump into anything too soon.
Over the next couple of days, we discussed things and I told him that I wanted him to be sure of his decision/feelings. A few days later, he broke up with her in person(according to him)and told me again and again how much he wanted to be with me, that he knew exactly what he wanted, that he felt a strong connection with me, that he really really liked me (all the while, looking into my eyes and holding my hand) I had lost so much hope in relationships at that point due to past experiences. I wanted to believe him. I liked him immensely and wanted to be with him too. I wanted to be loved and I wanted to give him a chance, so I did. It helped that I knew his family already, so he wasn't a "stranger" and it felt more "safe" if you know what I mean. But I truly liked him a lot. (and still do I guess...)
We were together for 2 weeks. He'd call me all the time, gave me a beautiful gift for my birthday, spent a lot of time with me over spring break, come over and talk late into the night etc... When he'd come to pick me up, he'd come in (he chose to) to say hi to my parents, he was making friends with my younger brother, etc... Everything seemed to point in the right direction.
We had sex. A few days later he told me he was going to dinner with his ex-gf but that they "weren't getting back together." Then he said that he didn't think he should be in a relationship and that he still wanted to remain in contact with me as friends. I said that I couldn't be friends with him and told him that he should have thought about things more carefully before getting me involved and having sex with me. There was a lot of sighing and awkward pausing on his end... I have not heard from him since.
I couldn't believe it, I had tried so hard to be positive about love... he disappeared from my life just as quickly as he'd come into it... I secretly wish he'd call ... or that I'll see him one day and he'll hug me tight and say he's sorry. The worst is that, because our parents are good friends, I know I will see him one day. I can't accept that he just used me for sex or that it was all a lie... It makes me sad that he didn't want me enough...
Thanks for listening.
Maria


Ah Another canuck. From whereabouts?
So this is a 2 week date from six months ago? Or is there another 2 week date?
I don't think there's much advice I can give you. He seems to still have unresolved feelings for his ex and he got together with you before dealing with them, which was unfair to you. The best thing to do I guess is really to move on, definitely avoid seeing him as much as possible.
I am concerned about how you've pinned the blame for having sex solely on him. It take two people to do it, and it needs two people to agree. It's as much your fault that you two had sex as it is his. In any case, next time be cautious before having sex. Or at least wait for a bit more than 2 weeks, until you know he's serious about building a relationship with you. NO matter how liberated you are, the fact that sex binds two people closer together and makes it harder to split is very true.
cheers
Susanna
Hey, I'm from Montreal.
Thanks for the reply.
I wasn't blaming him for the sex, but I think I have the right to be upset that he left pretty much right after it happened. I really did care for him and I thought the same was true on his end... plus it had been a while lol.. and you know how things get. Hard to say no. But you're absolutely right, I think waiting longer is very important. I guess I'm just scared that the next guy I sleep with will leave me right away too.. :( I really do want a GOOD experience for once that will give me hope... hasn't come yet.
But you'll be glad to know that I am closing that chapter of my life and now realise that I wouldn't want to be with him anyway. I contacted him by e-mail because of how abruptly things ended... I wanted some kind of contact, but I would never ever call him so I felt e-mail was the happy medium. He sent a response saying he was thinking about me too, that he does like me, started listing the qualities about me he likes, and said that he was sorry how things ended because he likes me and that we should meet up soon. Ok... but he's still with that same girl! Although it was very hard to find that out, I have now fully realised that he is not even the kind of person I want to be with. According to other sources, they have broken up more than 3 times already. If he's the type of guy involved in something like that, then he's definitely not my type.
thanks again for the reply... so I'm moving on now! and it feels great!!!
Maria
Welcome to the board u_grad_lady,
Sounds to me that he took no time to really end the relationship with the other girl - I mean, if you are done, you don't go to dinner all the while proclaiming 'we aren't getting back together' that's said to convenience himself, so he would believe it....though untrue.