He Was Online Chatting To Other Women!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2004
He Was Online Chatting To Other Women!
10
Wed, 11-15-2006 - 11:44am

I'm not sure what to do with my current situation. Last weekend I found my boyfriend of almost 2 years (1 yr 11 mos 1 week) was up until 3 am chatting on Yahoo Messager Chat Rooms with various women on my computer!! The next morning I discovered that in my online History it revealed most of the profiles that he looked at were of women with nude pictures of themselves up on their yahoo member profiles. When I confronted him about it he said he was bored and wanted to chat with someone. He stated that once he saw that their pictures were naked ones he closed the profile and stopped talking to them. That they meant nothing to him and that I am the one he loves. I told him I didn't believe that and he said he didn't think it would upset me because its just like looking at porn or those online porn sites. I didn't agree....its totally different because you arn't chatting with/talking to those women they are anonymous!!!! So this made me suspecious and I did some investigating and found out last night that he has profiles set up on Yahoo Personals and at least one other dating websites that I know of, possibly more.

I have been cheated on before online and this was how it started with that boyfriend (only he went to the full stage by meeting them and having sex with them) From the evidence I have found I don't believe that my current boyfriend has gone that far YET! But I'm sickened by this and upset and totally untrusting of him! The worst part is that he is so loving, thoughtful and seems to really love me (and tells me so) which only makes it all the worst because its the worst kind of liar! To my face he says he loves me but behind my back he talks to other women and these are the types of women who show their naked bodies to everyone under the sun online!!!! You know they can't be online innocently chatting it up with every fellow who comes along!!!!!

I'm thinking I should end the relationship....after all that we have been through and the trials of making it work thus far I can't believe he would risk losing me over something like this! I don't know what to do about it....I'm so hurt....so shocked....feeling so foolish for having stuck around so long!! I haven't confronted him about the recent information I've found (the profiles on dating sites) yet because frankly I'm still a bit too shocked and hurt to talk to him about it. Does anyone have advise? I really need help on this one! Thanks in Advance!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-27-2006
Wed, 11-15-2006 - 12:05pm
Get out now with your dignity intact! Don't let him do the breaking off. You do it. Show him you will not tolerate disrespectful behavior and mean it. You're far better off being alone than being with this disrespectful jerk.
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 11-15-2006 - 12:56pm

Yes, you should end it. A man who truly wants to be in a committed, monogamous relationship doesn't post profiles on dating sites. Period.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-02-2006
Wed, 11-15-2006 - 12:58pm
End it, end it now! Don't look back, RUN! He IS a liar and anyone that has personals up while they are in a relationship is no good!
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
Wed, 11-15-2006 - 4:46pm

End it now and get as far away from this guy as you possibly can.

Myspace Codes

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Wed, 11-15-2006 - 5:33pm

In addition to the suggestion that you print out what you've found (profile, chat history) - Personally, I'd send him an email though his profile, telling him that it's over. "After the online chatting, I found your profile, therefore I am ending our relationship, as this has done irreparable damage. Please do not ever contact me again."

Make sure all his stuff is out of your place and don't answer his calls after you send it.


Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2006
Thu, 11-16-2006 - 3:56am
I completely agree with the others - end it now. Don't give him a chance to explain or he'll just make up more lies and you'll want to believe them. You're better off without this guy!
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2006
Sat, 11-25-2006 - 10:02am
I am sorry for the pain that you are in. I too just found my live in boyfriend’s profile online on an adult site. It actually read "looking for a discreet relationship". I confronted him and he tried the "it's the same as looking at porn" reply. He also tried the "I was only looking" and "you misunderstood what I was doing" replies. In the mean time, it has been 2 months since he has touched me. He spends more time with his ex-wife than he does me. We don't have any kids together. His kids really don't like me. They even refuse to come to our home. It has been 4 days since I found out and now he is saying that he loves me very much but needs to be on his own so he can invest more time with his kids. Which is a crock because we actually did have the kids living with us for over a year and he couldn't handle it. They dislike me because I made them pick up after themselves and he wouldn't back me on the discipline part. He says that he hasn't physically cheated on me and that he does see that it was wrong and that he is very sorry. Yet in the next breath he says he needs to be on his own but wants us to date. I do love him very much and probably would have tried the dating thing if I had not found his profile, but what it sounds like to me is that he wants to have his cake and eat it too. That's great and all but not for me. A relationship is supposed to be a two way street. Of course there are curves and ups and downs but you work through them not run from them and you NEVER seek out other partners when in a committed relationship for any reason. So now my question to you, will you ever be able to trust him again? Will you be happy sharing him with other women? Will you be able to handle it if when making love to you he wants to try something different or new? Or will you be upset because you are thinking that he has learned this from another woman? Everyone’s situation is different. You have to take all of the factors into consideration before making a decision. In my case, I am 42 years old. I am overweight with some major health problems. I am not working due to my health problems but I am not disabled. I need his income in order to pay for my home and the rest of the bills. Even though he is saying that he needs to be on his own he is a procrastinator. He won't go unless someone does it for him. To be honest with you I love him more than I have ever loved any man and I have been married. But even though I am that much in love with him my answers to those haunting questions are that I can not trust him and I can not share him. He doesn't want to earn my trust back he likes it like this. This way he can do what he wants and not feel guilty about it. His sister knows what he has done and tells him that if I really do love him I will understand and not give him up after he moves. Well here is a question for those of you that think that way. If it were your boyfriend, lover, or husband and he wanted space or to be on his own with no promise of ever coming back or ever really wanting to grow old with you if all that he wanted was his own place to spend time with his kids and not you and your kids (even after 3 years of living together) and in the meantime you have a medical problem that is preventing you from working and you will lose your home and everything that you have worked so hard to have just because he needs his space, would you be willing to wait for him to come back to you? Could you be satisfied with a date now and again? Could you be happy with his attention and affections once or twice a month whenever he feels like he can spare the time? I may be insecure right now because I am over weight but I do know that I would not be satisfied having a relationship like that. I have needs also and they are not in harmony with this. So would I stay with him if he wanted to stay and make it work after finding his profile online? What do you think?
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2006
Sat, 11-25-2006 - 10:25am

If you can, get all your stuff from his place first, and then bail on this boy. Do it in whatever way is right for you, but I'm with everyone else on this one.

I too was shocked that my guy who would stroke my arm sweetly, kiss me and tell me he loved me had just slept with another girl the night before, under the same comforter. Some guys are just BS'ers and you can't believe a word they say, no matter how sweet it is. Sucks, but you deserve so much better.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2006
Tue, 11-28-2006 - 9:31pm

Well, I'm in a very VERY similar situation...here's the bottom line- GO WITH YOUR GUT. No matter what- logic does not surpass your gut feelings in this situation.

My boyfriend was a part of a couple sites here and there, one being very sexual - he didn't delete his profile until I caught him. He also chatted with girls for a while at first when we started dating and I told him it was inappropriate and he had no trouble completely deleting his profile. I'm still with him because a part of me feels like he was just being a "guy" although another part of me is very distructing of that behavior. I'm confused as well, but the one thing I can tell you is that if you feel pretty insecure about him- then you definitely need to distance yourself emotionally and move on. If he's still doing questionable things- you can't risk your future on it.

Hope everything goes well for you! ***

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2006
Tue, 11-28-2006 - 9:54pm
Break up with him...Best of luck.