he was sleeping with other girls...

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2007
he was sleeping with other girls...
4
Mon, 09-17-2007 - 3:02pm

my ex-bf and i broke up almost five months ago. we recently re-established contact with each other. i was determined not to have sex with him when we hung out and put my foot down the first two times, so we didn't have sex even though we both wanted it; however, the last four times i've seen him...we've had sex. problematic, i know and now i am full of regret for breaking my word and for sleeping with him.

i just found out that while we've been having sex, he's also been sleeping with other girls. i am so ANGRY and HURT...i cannot stop shaking when i think about it. this is why i DIDN'T want to sleep with him in the first place, or even re-establish contact, because i did not want to be played, and i also did not want to end up feeling as bad as i do now. it's hard for me to believe anything that comes out of his mouth anymore. he's been eating his cake and having it too...and getting the milk for free. we were talking about getting back together, and working on the issues that made us break up in the first place...and now me knowing this just changes everything. i don't even feel as though i can trust him. i don't want to look at him, see him or talk to him. the worst part of it is that i snooped around and found this out - i was at his house this weekend, and was on his computer and i read some of his saved AIM conversations; that's how i know he's been sleeping with other women.

i know i shouldn't be upset because i was WRONG for snooping around on him, and had i not snooped, i wouldn't have found this out. More importantly, we're broken up so i shouldn't expect him to not sleep with other girls, but to sleep with them and me at the same time?? WOW...i thought i knew this dude.

i sent him an email this morning where i cussed him out...he is yet to reply; i didn't tell him how i found out; instead, i focused on the observations i made while we were having sex - things felt different during our post break up sex, and i also noticed condoms that he just recently bought at his house. basically, he doesn't know i snooped around on him. my gut instinct tells me to block him - on instant messenger, google chat and to just stop talking to him once and for all. however, he is going through a very difficult time with his family and i've been there for him trying to be supportive over the past two weeks, when he's called me to cry, and he's needed my support. i realize now though that if he doesn't want all of me, then he gets none so even though i might be a bitch for cutting him off at such a difficult time, that's exactly what i feel like i need to do.

i know it was wrong to snoop and now i'm more hurt than ever, but i'm glad i know what i know. plus, if a man leads u to snoop, then he's probably not the one for you. you can't trust him anymore.

is it right for me to just cut him off for good? what do you all think?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2005
Mon, 09-17-2007 - 4:12pm

Yes, you need to walk away. Period.


You say:


"i know i shouldn't be upset because i was WRONG for snooping around on him, and had i not snooped, i wouldn't have found this out. "


WHat does you snooping have to do with him being wrong for sleeping around? You have a right to be upset! That's ridiculous! Yes, you shouldn't snoop...but we do, and we shouldn't becuase we should trust if we're still in the relationship (or get out, if we can't trust) and if we aren't in a relationship, it tortures us with what he's doing now (though I have convinced myself I'd still rather know)... however, he is MORE wrong for sleeping around than you are for snooping!


And regardless what what the "status" of your relationship was officially, if you were having sex, then he should not have been having sex with anyone else... unless it was a specified "open" relationship...which, imo, are just plain stupid because it always ends in pain.


If you want a relationship, walk away. If you are okay with being used for sex and cheated on...stay.


meaqui


iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Mon, 09-17-2007 - 5:06pm

Welcome to the board thewirefan,


Well, this part "however, he is going through a very difficult time with his family and i've been there for him trying to be supportive over the past two weeks, when he's called me to cry, and he's needed my support."


Since he's finding comfort in other girl's beds, let them support him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2007
Tue, 09-18-2007 - 1:17pm

this is true....the only thing is i am not exactly innocent....i have slept with two different men since we broke up. the first guy i slept with, i slept with him during the time when my ex and i were not communicating and it was not a positive experience....i think because it happened too soon after the breakup, and i was trying to use sex to numb the pain i was feeling post break-up.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Tue, 09-18-2007 - 1:28pm
Well, I'm not sure what to say.... it sounds like you have a double standard.