He won't leave me alone!!!
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He won't leave me alone!!!
| Thu, 01-13-2005 - 4:42pm |
Hi,
I met a man a year ago and we started dating. After a few months of knowing each other he told me he loved me and things were great! We had so much in common and got along wonderful. He introduced me to his family and My family got to know him well. After about 9 months we decided to move in with each other and I moved 3 hours away to live with him. After I moved in with him things started coming out into the open about how his family didn't like me and didn't approve of me. We talked things out and decided that we loved each other and we were going to make things work no matter how anyone else felt about it. We even sat down with his mother and had a talk with her and she said everything was fine and that she liked me. Well the next day I went home to spend some time with my family for a few days and he spent a few days with his family. This all happened just before Christmas. He went shopping with his family and had a great time. He called me several times the first day and things were great. The next night he called me and was on his way home. He told me that he had thought about things and that he would have to change his whole life for me and that it would never work out and he broke up with me. I was hurt of course but I let it go. I figured if that is what he wants that you cannot force someone to love you, and I would go on with my life. I blocked him on all of my messenger and e-mail accounts. So he had his brother contact me and tell me he still had some things of mine. I contacted him to find out what things he had and found out that they were things that I didn't really need and told him that I really did not want to talk to him anymore. He told me he still wanted to talk to each other and that he missed me. I told him I didn't see the point in it and really we needed to just get on with our lives. Well at this point I also blocked his brothers e-mail address and everyone that he is friends with e-mail addresses too. But somehow he got through to my messenger AGAIN and won't leave me alone. He keeps telling me he made the biggest mistake of his life. That he loves me and you don't realize what you had until you lost it. That he would do ANYTHING if I would try again. That his family is the one who talked him out of being with me and that he was just scared at the time. And that he had even thought about killing himself. That he doesn't want to live life without me. HELP!! I don't know what to do. I told him that we can't go back to where we were before. That what was done is done and that I could never trust him again. (by the way this is the second time he had wanted to break up, the first time we talked and he changed his mind, the second time I let it happen, figuring it was for the best). Can anyone give me any advice about what to do about this situation? I will always care about him, but I just don't think I could ever trust that he wouldn't get scared again and that he wouldn't let his family ruin our relationship. I am so confused!!! Thanx, Misti...
I met a man a year ago and we started dating. After a few months of knowing each other he told me he loved me and things were great! We had so much in common and got along wonderful. He introduced me to his family and My family got to know him well. After about 9 months we decided to move in with each other and I moved 3 hours away to live with him. After I moved in with him things started coming out into the open about how his family didn't like me and didn't approve of me. We talked things out and decided that we loved each other and we were going to make things work no matter how anyone else felt about it. We even sat down with his mother and had a talk with her and she said everything was fine and that she liked me. Well the next day I went home to spend some time with my family for a few days and he spent a few days with his family. This all happened just before Christmas. He went shopping with his family and had a great time. He called me several times the first day and things were great. The next night he called me and was on his way home. He told me that he had thought about things and that he would have to change his whole life for me and that it would never work out and he broke up with me. I was hurt of course but I let it go. I figured if that is what he wants that you cannot force someone to love you, and I would go on with my life. I blocked him on all of my messenger and e-mail accounts. So he had his brother contact me and tell me he still had some things of mine. I contacted him to find out what things he had and found out that they were things that I didn't really need and told him that I really did not want to talk to him anymore. He told me he still wanted to talk to each other and that he missed me. I told him I didn't see the point in it and really we needed to just get on with our lives. Well at this point I also blocked his brothers e-mail address and everyone that he is friends with e-mail addresses too. But somehow he got through to my messenger AGAIN and won't leave me alone. He keeps telling me he made the biggest mistake of his life. That he loves me and you don't realize what you had until you lost it. That he would do ANYTHING if I would try again. That his family is the one who talked him out of being with me and that he was just scared at the time. And that he had even thought about killing himself. That he doesn't want to live life without me. HELP!! I don't know what to do. I told him that we can't go back to where we were before. That what was done is done and that I could never trust him again. (by the way this is the second time he had wanted to break up, the first time we talked and he changed his mind, the second time I let it happen, figuring it was for the best). Can anyone give me any advice about what to do about this situation? I will always care about him, but I just don't think I could ever trust that he wouldn't get scared again and that he wouldn't let his family ruin our relationship. I am so confused!!! Thanx, Misti...

First of all, I'm very sorry to hear about what happened to you.
And secondly, I'd like to congratulate you for being so strong. I am quite impressed that you cut off all contact with your ex as soon as you found out that he wasn't able to overcome whatever family issues he may have. You deserve better, and I'm really glad you realize that. It took me over six months to finally stop trying with my ex...you should be so proud of yourself for doing your best to let go and move on with your life so quickly.
Your ex sounds very troubled...and I'm sure that you must still care and worry about him, but you know what? He isn't your problem. I'm not trying to sound harsh...believe me, I've struggled between the urge to let go and the urge to stay & possibly help my ex. I used to be a "fixer-upper"...I thought that I could change my ex, make him a "better" person. I had low self-esteem and wanted to do something to make myself feel more worthwhile. And of course, I cared about him...I wanted to solve all of his problems/issues for him. My ex has supposedly been diagnosed as being bi-polar, depressed, you name it...whenever we fought, he would often threaten to commit suicide. I was scared to death at the thought of him doing something like that.
But I'm not his mother. It is not my responsibility to help him, or "save" him. It is not my fault that he is not a secure individual...I do not have to take care of him. As I've become stronger and my self-esteem has grown, I am realizing this. And it feels great! :)
Don't let your ex manipulate you into taking him back simply because you are afraid of what he might do otherwise. Don't let him convince you that it was his family's fault for breaking the two of you up. He is a grown man for god's sake! I think you know that he has hurt you too much in the past...you said that you would be unable to trust him again. Stick to your guns and do what makes you happy. You deserve a man who wants to be with you, and is willing to work on his issues (whatever they may be) in order to make things work between you two. Be strong--good luck with everything!
Take care of YOURSELF first <3