He wouldnt set boundaries with his X...

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2006
He wouldnt set boundaries with his X...
2
Wed, 09-12-2007 - 12:05am

Its been 3months or so now and we'd become practically inseparable. We were unofficial, but I felt it was only a matter of time. We had a great connection, drove each other crazy in a good way and my family loved him.

And now Im shattered, because all of that doesn't seem to be enough for him to lay some ground rules with the girl he was seeing before me. They ended it over a yr ago. She has met me, knows about us, yet none of this seems to stop her from calling him all hours, asking him personal questions about us, asking him to dance when their at the same club, asking him to accompany her to her train stop. And the cherry on top whats the txt she sent him claiming she'd dreamt of them being intimate together.

I explained to him how it makes me feel when she does this, that she isnt respecting what he and i have. Its like she's waiting around off to the side for me to drop dead. He understands this, has seen how i react when she rings at 8am or 12 midnight mid week. But he feels that he shouldnt have to set boundaries with her or anyone for that matter right now. Because we arent official, I am not his woman, even though he likes me a hell of alot and is thinking of asking me out soon. He doesnt encourage her contact, doesnt take her calls often, but doesnt discourage it either. He hopes that they will eventually get to a point where she only calls once in a while to say hi.

So I told him i cant do it like this. Cant feel threatened like this. I took all of his stuff back and have spent the last twenty four hours crying.

It kills me that he is so casual about it. That it means nothing to him if I walk in or out of his life.

Im really hurting right now that he likes me alot but not enough to lay some ground rules, big or small.

Do you think Ive done the right thing? should i have waited it out perhaps? my friends and family think he is the best bloke and are wrapped that we're into each other. Can someone so good be so wrong about things?

All thoughts appreciated............

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2007
Wed, 09-12-2007 - 1:06am

Hey, jewelz23!

Wow, I'm so sorry you're hurting! I do think you did the right thing, and I want you to believe in yourself, so you don't worry about what someone else is doing or saying. I am not a jealous person, but his ex would have gotten on my nerves, too!
Just get in touch with your own feelings, your likes and dislikes, and enjoy your own life. Then someone may come along who will treat you with respect. But remember to treat yourself with respect too. You can't make someone else behave the way you want them to. This man is not for you. What did you mean by having a great connection and driving each other crazy in a good way?
Keep in touch....I care. Hugs to you!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Wed, 09-12-2007 - 11:58am

Welcome to the board jewelz23,


Sorry for your pain.