Heads up chicks! It does get better!!!
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| Fri, 09-03-2004 - 10:53am |
I went to bed last night raging with anger and confusion, which hasnt happened for at least 2 months now since my breakup.
(Short recap: I was with my ex for almost 3 years, we talked marriage one saturday, and a week later, "something was missing" and he told me it was over, turns out he's now with his ex-girlfriend, and she was what was missing.)
My step sister and I are the same age, and she's been married for 3 years now. When I went thru my breakup, she and my best friend were at my side thru all of it. They were there if I needed them in the middle of the night, and told me to call them instead of him to talk. My mom called me everyday to be sure I was ok. My step dad even gave me the "I'm so sorry" look whenever he saw me (which meant a lot, because we dont talk much).
After about 3 weeks, I started hearing from certain people: "Get over it", and "move on". Or "You deserve better". The problem with that was I still loved him, and I still had hope of being with him. And I finally told them all that. I didnt want to hear that he was a bad person, I didnt want to hear that I had made such a huge mistake by chosing to be with him. But slowly, with my sister and friend at my back, I began to see that it wasnt my fault. I didnt make a mistake. I loved him. He didnt love me back. I did everything that I felt was right in trying to establish a life together. He gave me false hope. He LIED. I did NOT.
He was my first true love, and as the 4 month mark approaches, honestly, I'm still not 100% back to normal yet. But I'm on my way. I gave in to those urges in the beginning to be friends with him, and call him once in a while. We tried going out and just hanging out, but it didnt work. It just tore me up even more. He not only broke my spirit when we parted, but he also took my pride, and my confidence. I walked away broken, confused, torn apart, angry... and every other negative emotion that one human being can feel, except I felt them all at once, and I'm sure you do too.
But I swear to you - as hopeless as you feel right now, it does get better. There are still days or nights that I think about him. A song will come on the radio, and I remember us dancing at a wedding, or driving in a car. I'll go to a restaurant and order the appetizer that I had with him for the first time... all of those things make me think of him, and us. But now I smile. Those times WERE good. But those times are outweighed by him telling me he doesnt love me. THAT is the truth. The good memories dont matter to him, and now they cant matter to me either.
Hang onto the hope that you will be better, but let go of the hope of being with him. if sometime down the road he comes back, think about it long and hard, and remember how you felt now... do you want to chance that again? An Ex is an "EX" for a reason... keep that in mind.
*hugs* to all of you! Have a safe holiday weekend!
Di

hang in there sweetie