Heart Broken
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Heart Broken
| Tue, 06-27-2006 - 11:38pm |
My boyfriend, well, now ex-boyfriend, have officially broken up with me this past Saturday (June 24th) He said to be freinds but I said no. One wrong thing I did was that I begged him that night to not break up with me. At least I tried. Then I called the next day (Sunday) maybe he changed his mind, but he kept telling me that it would be a good thing for me. We were together for a year and three months. A year and two months of long distance. And a month being in the same city. We had a rough realtionship, and we also had great times. One thing was our culture, our different believes, and different wants. He is 15 years older than I. I love him. He was my first, on everything. I still have a hope that he will be coming back knocking my door, but the only way I will ever go back with him is only if he has a life to offer me. I miss him so much, and now that he lives so close. Why is it so hard to control my emotions? I am trying to control my thoughts... But ahhh!!!!! I do not think he loves me. He would not have let me go just like that! "I lvoe you, but let's break up" -- What is that? I am still in shock that all this have happened.

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Hi. Reading your post made me remember how I felt that first week after my ex broke up with me, and I thought I would share my story with you and give you some advice.
My ex and I were together 4.5 years since our Junior year in highschool. He is 22, I'm 21. He broke up with me 9 weeks ago because he didn't want to be in a relationship right now, needed some time to himself, was trying to figure out what he wanted out of his life, etc... He said he still loved me, but that this was something he needed to do for himself, for me, and for us. He always thought he would never get married, and marriage is something I wanted. He said if he wanted me back he would let me know and that he would do anything it took to get me back. But he said he didn't want me to wait around on him.
At first I did everything I could do to change his mind, until one day I realized that I needed to stop talking to him or else I was never going to heal. I didn't talk to him for 4 weeks. Then finally one day 3 weeks ago I decided I was ready to call him. I called him and we talked and the conversation was really good. He sounded genuinely happy to hear from me. I invited him to come over and hang out, but he said he wasn't ready and needed more time (whatever that means).
We talked every few days for a week, but we haven't talked in 2 weeks again. I'm going to call him some time soon, whenever I feel the time is right.
I still love him tremendously and I do hope that one day we can get back together, but you never know what life has to offer you. If nothing else I hope that he and I can be friends one day.
I'm going to share with you something someone on these boards told me: Moving on doesn't mean you don't love him anymore, or that you won't get back together one day, it just means that you're moving on. You can't waste your life waiting on someone who says they love you, but would rather be without you, then fight for the relationship.
Trust me when I say it does get better. You will have your days where the depression sinks in and you think you will never get out of it, but there will also be days where you find resolve and you feel great. Most days the pain is still there, but it gradually goes to a dull throb.
Don't stress over what might've been or what you could've done. Because there is nothing you can do, he made his decision. All you can do is focus on yourself, live your life, and know that if you are meant to be with him, then you will be.
Also, if he truly does love you, then he will realize this and be back, or so everyone tells me.
Keep posting on these boards and giving advice it helps tremendously.
Let me know if there is anything else I can help you with, or if you have any questions.
~Amber~
you're message was so sad. my boyfriend broke up with me a week ago tomorow, and it was so out of the blue. We were together 2 yrs and 4 months about. He says he still loves me, and just a month before he was saying how compatible we are. But now he wants time to himself (or whatever, to me it sounds like he just wants to be with other people) because he doesn't know if he wants to be with me from now on (ie. forever) he can't see me being his 'one'. He knows i love him, and he (says) doesn't deserve me because I want to be with him, and i want to make it work, even if we need to take a year to be single and then see how it goes. Its so hard. He was my first everything too (i'm 20).
Everyone says it takes time, but how long!? i don't want to feel like this for months. Randomly crying in grocery store isles, at work, fighting the temptation to write him an email/call him/text him.
I know i didn't contribute anything really to the thread, just i guess that so many people around the world are probably going through this thing at this exact time right now, that's a little comforting - or that the people who are old now have probably all gone through this once. - or most of them.
alejandrazlg...
While Pianoguy believes any "first serious breakup" is the hardest one to bear, he would like you to re-read your post. Look at all the negatives:
1. Your cultures (they differed)
2. Your beliefs (those differed as well)
3. The age difference (15 years between you)
4. The long-distance (1 year & 2 months)
5. His LACK of love for you
Isn't it obvious by now that "the fit between you" wasn't a good one?
Pianoguy
The very first break up ever is the roughest of all.
alejandrazlg...
PG can completely relate to what you just wrote.
Sadly...(and I'll bet most ivillagers who visit this board will agree)...NOT EVERY RELATIONSHIP, MARRIAGE or even A VERY CLOSE FRIENDSHIP will last FOREVER!
As others have indicated, you're going through the 'grieving process' right now, BUT please don't let your first misfortune "sour you" when it comes to the male population as a whole?
Some of us are actually very nice when it comes to loving, caring for, and respecting the women who mean so much.
Best wishes and warm thoughts...
Pianoguy
Pianoguy,
This past realtinship I will take it as an experience. I am still young. I know I will marry a very incrediable, handsome man someday. I am going to have a family of my own. I might thank someday my current "EX" for letting me go, because maybe, if it wasn't for him, I may not have a family of my own :)
Thanks for your replies.
It truly is amazing how men think that they can tell you that they love you one day and the next, they don't want to see you. That is what happened to me and it sounds like it happen to you. The only difference between your story and mine is that my ex didn't have the guts to offically end it, he just has not returned my calls for a week and half. As much as this hurts, I know I have to assume that we are done and I have to move on without contacting him. You really should do the same. I have had so many friends on and off this board that said do not contact him and let him wonder what you are doing and that is what I am doing even though it is so hard for me because I don't have answers on why this happened. I know that there is not a third party involved (got that info from some of his friends) but it is very upsetting when men need "a break". Let him have his break but you go on with your life and if he comes back, you will know then if he is or isn't right you.
Hang in there and talk with friends and family right now. They can be great therapists.
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