Heart broken in 2 ways?
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| Sun, 04-09-2006 - 12:22pm |
Hi all, first time poster. Am in a very confusing, scary place at the moment.
I've been married for 6 years, and recently I asked my husband for a trial separation for a month. It's been exactly a week since he moved out. Essentially our problems boiled down to lack of communication, and we just started growing apart over time. The problems had been going on for about a year. And it breaks my heart that it has come to this-he and I were the perfect couple with the perfect relationship. And then, things just started getting bad. And sad. I knew the problems were serious because I developed a crush on a male friend. A friend that also had a crush on me, but since I was married, nothing ever happened.
So I've been separated for only a week, but I am hoping to use this time to figure out what to do about my marriage, if it can be saved. And I'm hoping to find ways to be happy on my own, because I was having difficulty doing that with my hubby here. Anyway, overall it's been good, but yesterday and today I've been depressed, or maybe it's scared.
My friend that I had a crush on, has been through a lot and changed. And has had a girlfriend that broke up with him a couple months ago. I saw him briefly yesterday (he lives out of state and was here for a visit) and it was good to see him. However, during our conversation it was clear that he didn't have those same feelings for me anymore. He still has feelings for her.
Don't get me wrong-I didn't separate because I wanted to run to this other guy. I wouldn't make such a big decision based on something so uncertain. But I guess I'm just starting to feel lonely, and worried that, if my marriage does not work out, I won't find someone else who will love me like my husband does. And it would have been nice to know that there was a guy that thought I was something, you know what I mean?
I hated that I got upset about it-I don't want to be the girl that bases her self-worth on what a guy thinks. And this guy does think that I am awesome, but he said it's just not a good time right now, that maybe someday (yeah, like I'll just wait around for years-whatever). I just felt a little heartbroken in a way.
Thanks for letting me vent-kind of heavy for a first post. I just feel like I'm heartbroken in 2 different ways, along with feeling confused and scared. I am hoping to dig myself out of this bummer mood today-it may be a challenge, though. I spent last week cleaning the house so I can't do that, I scrapbooked on Friday so I can't do that. I don't feel like going shopping (which shows just how bummed I am). I may try to work out-that's the only coping mechanism I can think of.
Thx
sydfriend
Edited 4/9/2006 12:24 pm ET by sydfriend

hi sydfriend
as a friendly advised why dont you try working your relationship with your husband. i mean if you think he still love and you still love him...why not? right! but dont think so negative about the part that nobody will love u as your husband does.
but dont get back with your husband for the reason you dont want to end up alone. its not right! well if things didnt work out between you and your husband. dont worry just think that things happen for reason...
good luck