Heartbreaking closure - and now N/C
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Heartbreaking closure - and now N/C
| Sun, 04-16-2006 - 4:08pm |
Well Friday night my ex convinced me to let him come over on Saturday. But he called and left a casual message Saturday morning and then called again a few hours later at which time I talked to him. Said he was just calling to say hi & would call later & was in a rush to get off the phone. I stopped him and said - I thought you were coming here - we made plans. He danced around it and sadi maybe later, maybe Sunday etc. Then he hung up & I called him back & he wouldn't answer the phone. I got really angry, shoved his stuff into bags & called back to leave a message on his cell to tell him I was on my way there with his stuff. Well when I got there he was out the front having a beer with his buddy & we went inside where I proceeded to yell at him for saying the things he has said and continuing to lead me on. He said he just dosn't "feel" anything - he is "lost" and dosn't care about anything anymore. I told him that when he tells me he loves me and misses me - that is feeling somethin. I wasn't done yelling at him (I wanted to get it off my chest so I could get closure) and he had to go to his friends to lay some bricks so he asked me to come with him and I could finish talking to him there because nobody else would be around. Well lots of people were there & I found out that he has not only told none of his friends that we split, but as recent as that morning he was talking to them about me moving there & how things were really good with us. I said to one of them - well it was nice knowing you - but I am out of here. My mistake was drinking a few beers when I got there & then I realized I shouldn't drive. Over the next few hours his friends all came to me and said - "just ride it out, it isn't over - he is just being an idiot & is scared you'll see. Anyways - we did talk and he is obviously messed up in the head and has no desire to fix himself. Since my judgement was clouded I made the big mistake that I promised I wouldn't make and gave into sleeping with him. We went back to his place by 8pm and it was so amazing. But by this morning I knew that didn't change anything and I could feel him getting uncomfortable and neither of us really knew what to say. So I got up, got dressed and went to leave. He asked me to take him to get his car at his friends and we drove there in silence. When I pulled up he went to get out of the car, turned to kiss me goodbye & said "I'll call you later". I turned my head so he only got my check and said "I'm sorry you feel this way." He said nothing & just got out of the car & I drove away. That was 8 hours ago now & I now feel doubly rejected & so very hurt by him. Last night he kept talking about this amazing connection we have & now he hasn't even called. Not that I expected him to realisitcally but I guess I had this fairy tale notion in my head that he would realize what a big mistake he is making & follow me back to my place to beg for forgiveness. Stupid of me yes - but I am a basketcase.
I know it is over - seeing him gave me closure, although in a more painful way then I wanted. Although I took his stuff back to him we didn't give each other car & house keys back & I know he will have to come here at some point to get the things out of the garage that belong to his kids that wont fit in my car. But I want him to call now so I can not answer the phone - and I know that makes no sense. I love him, very very much & I wanted to spend the rest of my life with this man. But I don't like him very much as a person right now. Hopefully that will be what helps me to get over this mess of what used to be a relationship.
Thanks for listening/reading.
I know it is over - seeing him gave me closure, although in a more painful way then I wanted. Although I took his stuff back to him we didn't give each other car & house keys back & I know he will have to come here at some point to get the things out of the garage that belong to his kids that wont fit in my car. But I want him to call now so I can not answer the phone - and I know that makes no sense. I love him, very very much & I wanted to spend the rest of my life with this man. But I don't like him very much as a person right now. Hopefully that will be what helps me to get over this mess of what used to be a relationship.
Thanks for listening/reading.

I'm sorry your last encounter with your ex did not pan out as you had hoped it would. Unfortunately, that's how most relationships end.
I think you know that cutting off contact is the best thing you can do for yourself right now. Seeing your ex is going to bring up a lot of emotion and is likely to cloud your judgement again.
Obviously it is hard when you realize that the person you have been with is not who you thought they were. You have been thinking that this could be the person you spend your life with, but now you know he does not feel that way. That is tough. But, all that means is that there is still someone else out there who really is right for you. And you don't have to worry or second guess yourself because the right guy for you will not be unsure of how he feels.
Anyway, do your best to stay away from your ex. The pain goes away with time. Try to shift your focus to yourself and making yourself happy and don't worry about him. I know this is easier said than done, but the more of an effort you make, the better things will be for you.
Hang in there, I know this is rough, but you'll get through it. We're here for you, so post anytime.
-Nikki
co-cl of Breaking Up is Hard to Do!
Visit the Breaking Up is Hard to Do web page!
hi mitchell
WELL I'M SO SORRY YOU FEEL THIS WAY. BUT SHARING YOUR STORY HERE IS MAKING OTHER LADYS WHO RECENTLY HEART BROKEN TO BE MORE CAREFUL. ESP SLEEPING WITH THE EX. I'M NOT SAYING YOU DID THE WRONG THING. WELL I'M ASSUMING YOU GET DRUNK SO ITS ALL ABOUT THE ALCOHOL...IT VERY NATURAL TO AS TO GET HORNY. IF WE GET DRUNK. RIGHT? SO JUST THINK THAT WAY.
YOUR EX BF IS A JERK. SO SORRY TO SAY IT!! BUT WHAT HIS DOING IS, IT SEEM THAT HIS UP FOR SOMETHING "PLAYING GAMES"...DEAR THIS ALL UP TO YOU. IF YOU LET HIM DO THAT. HE WILL KEEP ON DOING IT COZ YOU LET HIM AND MOST IMPORTANT THING HE WILL LOST HIS RESPECT TO YOU. IN OTHER WORD HE WILL KEEP ON SLEEPING WITH YOU WITHOUT "COMMITMENT".
IS THIS WHAT YOU REALLY WANT? THINK ABOUT IT!
I KNOW ITS HARD....BUT REMEMBER WE HAVE TO PUT RESPECT TO OUR SELF SO OTHER WILL RESPECT AS TOO. DO YOU UNDERSTAND THAT?
THIS PAIN IS ONLY FOR RIGHT NOW. NO MATTER WHAT, IT WILL GO A WAY!
BUT WHAT YOUR DOING IS YOU ALREADY HAVE THIS CUT AND THE MORE YOU CUTTING IT!
IT WILL NEVER BE BETTER. TRUST ME
ANYWAYSSS DEAR I REALLY WISH YOU GOOD LUCK!!!