Heartbroken

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-04-2006
Heartbroken
11
Mon, 12-04-2006 - 8:48pm


Well hello-

I know this is mostly a women's site but in reading some of these stories I can totally relate to them right now since I too am going thru a break up. The only difference here is I'm a guy who dated another guy. Even though I'm a male some of us guys do have feelings too.

Well here's my story I was dating a guy who is so wrong for me, buy everything. He is selfish, and ic concerned about nobody but himself and the sad thing is he's 42 years old and not ready to settle down. We went out for 6 months and twice he asked me to be his BF and twice he broke up with me.....Talk about being confused???I was always there for him for whenever he needed me but whenever I needed him he wasn't or didn't want to be there for me. I'm a 36 years old younger looking guy who has a good job, not bad looking and can support my self. He on the other hand speaks very little English, is not educated and lives like he is in his 20's. Until he met me he was living from one guy to the next, making 10$ an hour and driving an old beat up car. In the the 6 months we went out he got a better job( that I helped him get), bought a new car, and moved out on his own. I tried to support him always and encouraging him to better a better man and this is what I get.

After going back and forth with him I finally broke up with him last Sat, I told him he could not give me what I wanted whcih was a commited relationship and he agreed so I left his house in tears and later that nite I went out with my friends to the club and who do I see? HIM with another guy making out, so what did I do? I met up with a guy who I met just recently and this guy started to hug and kiss me right in front of him. I thought I fely good, but after a while my ex couldn't handle it and left with some guy....Now I'm all messed up cause I know it's definately over.....

I know this is a little different from all the other stories but I'm Heartbroken too...

Just need some much TLC

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2006
Mon, 12-04-2006 - 8:53pm

Here's some TLC for ya!

What a user! He doesn't deserve the wonderful you!

Seriously, sorry to hear you're sad. But hey, good of you to break it off first. That takes a lot of guts. I wish I'd done that.

You will find a guy who appreciates you and doesn't use you and take you for granted. Just keep looking and keep your chin up...

Hugs.

Dev




Edited 12/4/2006 8:54 pm ET by devuchka

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-04-2006
Mon, 12-04-2006 - 8:59pm
Thanks Dev!
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-08-2006
Mon, 12-04-2006 - 10:30pm

I am so sorry for the pain you must be going through, but there are a lot of good people on here with a lot of great advice. Even though it may seems crazy now, you'll get through it, hang in there and keep posting and reading!

Hugs,
YG

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2006
Mon, 12-04-2006 - 10:49pm

Hi heartbreak. I'm sorry to hear what you are going through.

It seems like you are pursuing someone who is not evenly matched with you. You are together financially and able to "be there" for your partner. Your partner has trouble making a living, is at a distinct language disadvantage, and has trouble meeting and keeping basic life goals.

It reminds me of a relationship in which I basically picked up the pieces of the life of a guy who had abandoned his wife and kids, and was in trouble with the law. I stayed with him through his ups and downs, through his periodic attempts to break up with me, and when I finally realized he could not give me what I needed and left him, afer having supported him for over a year, he turned on me and blamed me for most of his problems.

My situation may be a little different, but basically, I think your partner was not ready to get healthy. He threw himself away for no good reason. God knows, noone deserves to be treated like you were!

--recreating

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-22-2006
Mon, 12-04-2006 - 11:56pm

I dated a guy once who wasn't a wreck when I met him but his life was going nowhere.

Susan

"Success is building a foundation wit

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2006
Tue, 12-05-2006 - 2:01am

I'm sorry...break-ups are hard even when it is the right thing to do. Just be thankful that you realized what you wanted and that he could not give you what you deserve.

This seems like total deja vue for me. I was with a 42 year old man who was great all around: great personality, highly intelligent, caring...I became mentally and emotionally attached. About 4 months into our relationship, we had the "talk" and, even though we weren't ready to be exclusive, we still wanted to date. After a month or so of stringing me along... poof, he simply stopped calling. No recent indication. Nothing. Most of me knew it was over, but there was that tiny glimmer of hope. Now, that glimmer is gone.

My question: What is with the 3-4 month mark? Is this when you're suppose to know if this is the right person? How come not sooner like the 3rd or 4th date??

Stay strong...think positive...happy thoughts...laugh a little (that always helps me).

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-04-2006
Tue, 12-05-2006 - 11:44am

Thanks so much for your kind words! I think if you see someone for that long either you know that you are going to continue dating or it's time to move on. I agree usually it should be within the 3-4 date range but sometimes both parties are enjoying each other that when you realize it it's been a few months already.

Stay strong my sister!

Hugs*

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-04-2006
Tue, 12-05-2006 - 11:52am
It is so good to know that there are others who feel my pain.....It's always tough when your in a situation where things are not great but you don't know what to do. I'm learning from all of this is that when you start to date someone it's good to talk about what you both what in the beginning, just to make sure that you are both on the same page in life. I learned that the hard way, many times over....
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 12-05-2006 - 12:15pm

To answer your question about the 3-4 month mark, it takes at least that long to really get a sense of whether you're compatible with someone. Things that aren't apparent on the first few dates or even in the first month or two become more apparent. So a lot of budding relationships end at that point, because the other person decides you're not a good fit after all. Of course that just means you're not right for that particular person, not that there's anything wrong with you!

It's unacceptable to just disappear at that point, of course, but sadly, many people do it. I'm sorry you had to go through that.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2006
Tue, 12-05-2006 - 1:37pm
Thanks. I'm better off learning NOW that it was not meant to be and seeing how he handled the situation (which is lame) than if it were 2-3 years from now. It's his lose. :)

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