Heartbroken
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| Thu, 08-19-2004 - 7:36am |
The next day he said it wasn't about the money ... but who knows? Then he brought up the subject of sex ... which has not been good. I have tried to coach/teach him, but he was married to a woman for 20 years who didn't want to be touched at all. I'm serious. And he's an athlete. A jock. A guy's guy -- not a warm and cuddly sort of man. It's been a difficult matter to broach in bed, let alone sitting together on the sofa and talking.
Sigh.
I feel I've lost all measure of self-respect and restraint due to repeat calls asking for or initiating get-togethers which have become less and less frequent. We used to spend every day together. We talked about marriage .... Then he began to, you know, stop calling. He began to disappear for weekends by himself. He's been in places where his cell phone has been out-of-service .... It's been horrible. Saturday night I called him from the ambulance while I took my mom to the hospital following a stroke. Can you imagine? One, I was devastated that I couldn't reach him; but more importantly -- my attention should be on my mother, and not so wrapped around this guy!
Ten days ago he said, "Don't give up on us. Maybe I'm not thinking straight, just give me a week." More recently, that he "wasn't ready to give up on us." Last night -- he said neither of those things. He replaced a headlight in my car. We grabbed a bite to eat. I then spent several hours drafting a letter to the judge from his divorce case (his ex is still battling visitation issues, despite a court-ordered joint-custody agreement) ... and ... I'm stumbling over my words here, but things are a mess.
I guess he's been too overwrought over this constant barrage of bickering, fighting and noncompliance from the ex. He hasn't seen his kids in months. He's moved to a new state (where I live), far from "home," and he's miserable.
Apparently, he's also not only appearance-driven, but superficial and shallow. I'm a former model, still turn heads (which is a big thrill for him). I don't mean to be vain and shallow myself, but in terms of heart, soul, intelligence and looks -- I have quite a bit to offer -- but where/how do I find someone? And more importantly, how do I get over this one?
Heartbroken,
Temmie
