Heartbroken

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2004
Heartbroken
Thu, 08-19-2004 - 7:36am
I feel I hardly belong here … getting through the early stages of being dumped by a man I’ve only been with since April; but I’m heartbroken. We have had such fun together ... doing so many things ... dining out when dressed to the nines ... and galumphing through mountain streams when camping. We're both in education, Boyfriend earning in the mid-80s at the local university, me earning considerably less than this as a school teacher. In fact, the financial differential has come up on more than one occasion as a matter of concern. Boyfriend stated at the outset that we both needed to find "rich" partners, which evolved to him remarking that he needed a 50/50 girlfriend so he could travel and do things. Finally, after days of distancing himself from me ... (you went camping in Door County? I thought this was something we were going to do together) ... finally he said something along the lines of, "For Christ's sakes. If I had a partner who was making $70-something, with equity in a house -- we could make it work. As it stands now, you're like a kid in college (finishing my masters), just starting out ... and I'm so strapped with my child-support payments, if the two of us wanted to rent a pontoon boat, we'd be scrambling to find the funds to make that happen."

The next day he said it wasn't about the money ... but who knows? Then he brought up the subject of sex ... which has not been good. I have tried to coach/teach him, but he was married to a woman for 20 years who didn't want to be touched at all. I'm serious. And he's an athlete. A jock. A guy's guy -- not a warm and cuddly sort of man. It's been a difficult matter to broach in bed, let alone sitting together on the sofa and talking.

Sigh.

I feel I've lost all measure of self-respect and restraint due to repeat calls asking for or initiating get-togethers which have become less and less frequent. We used to spend every day together. We talked about marriage .... Then he began to, you know, stop calling. He began to disappear for weekends by himself. He's been in places where his cell phone has been out-of-service .... It's been horrible. Saturday night I called him from the ambulance while I took my mom to the hospital following a stroke. Can you imagine? One, I was devastated that I couldn't reach him; but more importantly -- my attention should be on my mother, and not so wrapped around this guy!

Ten days ago he said, "Don't give up on us. Maybe I'm not thinking straight, just give me a week." More recently, that he "wasn't ready to give up on us." Last night -- he said neither of those things. He replaced a headlight in my car. We grabbed a bite to eat. I then spent several hours drafting a letter to the judge from his divorce case (his ex is still battling visitation issues, despite a court-ordered joint-custody agreement) ... and ... I'm stumbling over my words here, but things are a mess.

I guess he's been too overwrought over this constant barrage of bickering, fighting and noncompliance from the ex. He hasn't seen his kids in months. He's moved to a new state (where I live), far from "home," and he's miserable.

Apparently, he's also not only appearance-driven, but superficial and shallow. I'm a former model, still turn heads (which is a big thrill for him). I don't mean to be vain and shallow myself, but in terms of heart, soul, intelligence and looks -- I have quite a bit to offer -- but where/how do I find someone? And more importantly, how do I get over this one?

Heartbroken,

Temmie