Heartbroken and desperate :(
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Heartbroken and desperate :(
| Mon, 07-23-2007 - 8:19pm |
Ok, once you read this I know what you are all going to say....why did you get involved with your neighbor!?
We met about 18 months ago and we fell for each other. We never spoke and we never saw each other again for about 2 months. 1 day last year he appears out of nowhere while I am getting my mail from the mailbox, turns out he is living right across the street from me. A few weeks go by and we have dinner ~ nothing happens... A month or 2 go by and he tells me he has fallen in love with me....this is before we have kissed or made love. A few weeks later we decided to give things a go! Everything is great...4 months ago he starts discussing marriage. It was a very casual conversation, but he did ask what kind of a ring I wanted. About 6/7 weeks ago we broke up but within 4 days we were back together after I had opened up about a lot things in my life I felt I couldn't share because I thought he would look down on me. Well, after getting back together things were great and then all of a sudden last week, he starts asking me 2 serious questions...what I would do if I got pregnant and I was dating him (we are not "into having" children) ~ I explained that I didn't know and I couldn't give him an answer and felt like I was "put on the spot". The other was about working after marriage...my background is that after marriage women do not work.....my situtation is different though....I am trying to get a greencard (via work! not marriage) which means I cannot at any time stop work and if I do I have to be married to someone who can support me moneywise. Yes, my ideal situation is not to work but I know with my greencard situation that it is not a possibility and I accept that. I explained this too him and he understood. Within 48 hours he is telling me it is over/wants to take a break....I am dumbfounded! We had both agreed that any time we felt a little "iffy" about the relationship we would say something and work thru it....but he didn't, her just sat me down and told me it was over.
I am heartbroken, I have had a rough couple of weeks, my car was broken into (I called "him" first, and he said he didn't have time for me and to hang up and call the police ~ to me it was natural instict to call "him" first). Because I am trying to get my greencard I can't leave the country ~ I found out that my grandmother is on her deathbed so I am under more stress. Work sucks too! It is like everything has come crashing down on me all at once.
Anyway to get to the point ~ "he" lives across the street....I don't know what to do. I am trying to keep myself busy and keep out of my house. I don't have any friends ~ I lost them all a few years back because I was in an abusive relationship, so I really have no one to hang out with. This is my first house I brought and I wanted it to be my sanctary but now I feel I can't be there. And eveytime I am home, I look out the window at his house because I can hear his car go by and I just want to look to see if he is with someone else. Crazy I know.
I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with him and now it has fallen apart. He tells me I am not marriage material and he doesn't think he wants to get married again. The guy is divorced, his ex wife is horrid (so I have heard). I have met all of his friends and family and all of them have said how much happier "he" is now since we have begun dating. His mother even introduced me as her "future daughter in law".
I was thinking the other day that maybe I brought out the confidence in him that he lost during his divorce and now he has decided that he does not need me anymore and thinks he can find something better. He's about to turn 40 (I am almost 30).....is he having a mid life crisis?! He told me he loved me. I am totally lost and all over the place right now!
Any advice would be welcome...but I am not too sure if I am ready for "tough love" yet..even though I need it.
We met about 18 months ago and we fell for each other. We never spoke and we never saw each other again for about 2 months. 1 day last year he appears out of nowhere while I am getting my mail from the mailbox, turns out he is living right across the street from me. A few weeks go by and we have dinner ~ nothing happens... A month or 2 go by and he tells me he has fallen in love with me....this is before we have kissed or made love. A few weeks later we decided to give things a go! Everything is great...4 months ago he starts discussing marriage. It was a very casual conversation, but he did ask what kind of a ring I wanted. About 6/7 weeks ago we broke up but within 4 days we were back together after I had opened up about a lot things in my life I felt I couldn't share because I thought he would look down on me. Well, after getting back together things were great and then all of a sudden last week, he starts asking me 2 serious questions...what I would do if I got pregnant and I was dating him (we are not "into having" children) ~ I explained that I didn't know and I couldn't give him an answer and felt like I was "put on the spot". The other was about working after marriage...my background is that after marriage women do not work.....my situtation is different though....I am trying to get a greencard (via work! not marriage) which means I cannot at any time stop work and if I do I have to be married to someone who can support me moneywise. Yes, my ideal situation is not to work but I know with my greencard situation that it is not a possibility and I accept that. I explained this too him and he understood. Within 48 hours he is telling me it is over/wants to take a break....I am dumbfounded! We had both agreed that any time we felt a little "iffy" about the relationship we would say something and work thru it....but he didn't, her just sat me down and told me it was over.
I am heartbroken, I have had a rough couple of weeks, my car was broken into (I called "him" first, and he said he didn't have time for me and to hang up and call the police ~ to me it was natural instict to call "him" first). Because I am trying to get my greencard I can't leave the country ~ I found out that my grandmother is on her deathbed so I am under more stress. Work sucks too! It is like everything has come crashing down on me all at once.
Anyway to get to the point ~ "he" lives across the street....I don't know what to do. I am trying to keep myself busy and keep out of my house. I don't have any friends ~ I lost them all a few years back because I was in an abusive relationship, so I really have no one to hang out with. This is my first house I brought and I wanted it to be my sanctary but now I feel I can't be there. And eveytime I am home, I look out the window at his house because I can hear his car go by and I just want to look to see if he is with someone else. Crazy I know.
I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with him and now it has fallen apart. He tells me I am not marriage material and he doesn't think he wants to get married again. The guy is divorced, his ex wife is horrid (so I have heard). I have met all of his friends and family and all of them have said how much happier "he" is now since we have begun dating. His mother even introduced me as her "future daughter in law".
I was thinking the other day that maybe I brought out the confidence in him that he lost during his divorce and now he has decided that he does not need me anymore and thinks he can find something better. He's about to turn 40 (I am almost 30).....is he having a mid life crisis?! He told me he loved me. I am totally lost and all over the place right now!
Any advice would be welcome...but I am not too sure if I am ready for "tough love" yet..even though I need it.

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Ok,so just got home from hanging out with some people from work and I have just stuffed mself with a "wendy's burger" ~ my first decent meal in 2 weeks. I must have lost a handful of pounds since the breakup..everytime I try ad eat I get nausous...
I had a vacation planned too...it was my birthday gift to my ex...fully paid trip to Vegas...front row seats to Penn & Teller...dinner at Spago....what can I say! The day he broke up with me,,,he insisted on standing over me while I cancelled the trip over the internet... I didn't cancel the flight or the hotel..I thought f it! I am still going no matter if I go on my own...! I can still have fun.
I know deep down inside we will be strong and get over this and look back and think "what on earth was I thinking dating him!!?!?" ...it is going to take time...it may not happen tomorrow or in the next few weeks but this time next year...we will be better off! It is going to be tough and hard and we are going to cry but in the end it is going to make us stronger! There are good decent men out there...no matter if it takes us 2 weeks to 20 years to find the "right" guy we will get there!
Anyway I am making it a point to myself and to my ex(the neighbour) that I will be home Saturday night and be fine with it! I am going to rent movies...cook some food...it will be fine. I keep telling myself it will be fine but underneath it all I am a mess!
Still haven't cried...I have had tears come to my eyes but that is it...maybe I am trying to convince myself that we will get back together! Anyway, I am tired and need to go to sleep...
Goodnight and I will be here Saturday night...logged on and ready to chat.
Trust me MsTullips ~ things will get better and we will have the upper hand and be stronger then ever before! :)
You and I will find love somewhere else and with someone who is a lot better. Not all men are dogs there are nice ones out there...they will appear when they are good and ready.
I am trying to be strong but I have my moments...I have so much more in my life right now to deal with besides my ex so I have to make a choice, which one should I focus on...my ex or something that really means something to me. I can tell you right now, I know I will be back here on this board upset and broken hearted when I find out my ex is with someone else but I don't want to focus on that negativity right now...I have bigger fish to fry!
I don't blame you for calling, I would most likely have done the same thing. You will become strong, it might happen overnight....you will most likely wake up one morning and think...what was I ever thinking when I dated him!
There are going to be times when you think about him, just try to focus on the good things if you do...try and stay away from thinking about the pain of the breakup. It is unhealthy to focus on the negative....I know it is easier said than done but in the long run if you focus on the positive you will be better off.
Cry as much as you need....it will get better.
YEAH, thats true. but its hard for girls to be like that because when we love something we really love it and cant just get over it in a minute....im trying to be strong :) its hard but im trying. and i know we will all find love again..but its the time in between, what scares me most. the lonliness, the sadness, the being alone-- thats all so scary to me.
and im home on a friday night :( miserable and sad. :( home and on aim by any chance :)?
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