Heartbroken and leaving

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
Heartbroken and leaving
3
Mon, 01-09-2006 - 6:19pm
My husband of almost 2 years is an alcoholic and bipolar. I've dealt with so much.
Over the last month he's found a new friend (male)and always goes there to hang out. He's been without true friends since he moved here and really felt lonely.
But then he goes out with his "drinking buddies" and doesn't come home. This weekend was the last straw. We went shopping and out to a late lunch on Saturday and I had such a good time. We never do anything together anymore because he doesn't do anything with me.
He left at 6 Saturday night and never came home until midnight last night. He called off work today and then just left to go back to the friends.
I'm so tired of being married but alone. I'm so unhappy. I'm always put last behind everyone else and always am the one he dumps his anger on.
My mental and physical health is suffering.
I want to leave because I don't deserve this, but I would only be going next door to my parents.
He admits he's f*cked up, but won't quit drinking or get help. I'm so alone right now. No one knows how bad I feel or how I'm doing everything by myself including running the house, etc.
My car has been broke for 3 months because I can't afford to get it fixed so when he gets mad at me, he takes the only vehicle we have and leaves me unable to do anything such as trying to get to a counseling appt, the gym, or shopping.
I'm just so alone and unsure what I'm doing.
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 01-09-2006 - 6:41pm

Can you go stay with a friend or family member, even for a few days while you figure out a plan to leave? It sounds like you could really use some hugs and emotional support.

Also, if you can attend Al-anon meetings, you should. I realize that may be a challenge with your transportation issues but can you take a bus or something? I think it's really important that you get support from people who know what you're going through living with an active alcoholic.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-26-2005
Mon, 01-09-2006 - 8:46pm
I agree that you should try to find friends in you area to lean on. He is draining you of your spirit and everything else. I assume you do not have kids so it should be a little easier. I had a three year relationship with a guy who had bipolar and lucky for me stopped drinking after the the first year of being with me. It's going to get a lot worse before it gets better. It is not your fault. He needs to get help, but you need to take care of yourself too. Has he ever been violent towards you? I know sometimes alcoholics sometimes are violent. Take good care of yourself and it really is up to him if he gets help. Use this site as a source of support.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 01-11-2006 - 9:59am

Your spouse needs to quit self medicating so his prescribed meds can do their work..otherwise his Bi Polar will be off kilter and he is good to no one ...

I think you feel defeated my friend, and rightly so. This man is a mess. I for one could not tolerate a man missing in action for a day or more..and the drinking?? Phooey..let this one go. If he can get therapy and meds and treatment then revisit things..man, he is a mess..and he is making u one too..