Heartbroken Hookup
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Heartbroken Hookup
| Sun, 02-26-2006 - 4:31pm |
I met this guy randomly at two different parties and we both knew right away that we were both really attracted to each other. We went on a couple of dates and had a really good time, then we started hanging out all the time. I would stay over at his house a lot, which I now know was not the best idea but you never want to admit it at the time. So we were having a good time and then he tells me that since he is a senior in college (I am a junior) and going to grad school in a different state that he didn't want anything serious because he didn't want to go through breaking up when he had to leave and he didnt want a long distance relationship. So we decided to do the non official dating thing hooking up with other people , which was ok with me at the time, although it started to eat at me and we did have the discussion about just being friends but I wanted to keep "seeing" him. So christmas break came around, we were off for a month and talked once which was ok, I missed hanging out with him but I had my friends to keep me busy.
We got back from break, and it seemed like something had changed. He was really busy with work,traveling, but I had work and school too. He stopped calling, we'd hang out maybe once or twice a week and just have dinner, I wouldnt stay over night anymore. So I started the whole waiting game, watching my phone hoping he would call and I started to get angry, I didnt know what was going on. So everytime we would hang out I would be a bitch and finally he said he thought we should just be friends, and that I was looking at the whole thing differently than him.
So now we havent talked at all for a while because I don't want to call him, as soon as I see him again I know I will like him again. But I can't stop thinking about him, it seems like every guys name is his name, I see stuff that reminds me of him in the most random places, and I keep going up and down. At one moment I will be fine, think I'm strong and be over him and the next I will not want to get out of bed. It seems so pointless because when school gets out I won't be able to see him anymore because he'll be in a different state but it hurts that he's a couple blocks away now and I can't see him. It hurts the most that he doesn't feel the same way about me now even though at the beginning he seemed to like me so much. I know it seems to be silly to be upset about someone who doesn't want to be with me but how do I get over him?? What if I'm not supposed to get over him? I've never felt the same way about someone as I do about him :(
We got back from break, and it seemed like something had changed. He was really busy with work,traveling, but I had work and school too. He stopped calling, we'd hang out maybe once or twice a week and just have dinner, I wouldnt stay over night anymore. So I started the whole waiting game, watching my phone hoping he would call and I started to get angry, I didnt know what was going on. So everytime we would hang out I would be a bitch and finally he said he thought we should just be friends, and that I was looking at the whole thing differently than him.
So now we havent talked at all for a while because I don't want to call him, as soon as I see him again I know I will like him again. But I can't stop thinking about him, it seems like every guys name is his name, I see stuff that reminds me of him in the most random places, and I keep going up and down. At one moment I will be fine, think I'm strong and be over him and the next I will not want to get out of bed. It seems so pointless because when school gets out I won't be able to see him anymore because he'll be in a different state but it hurts that he's a couple blocks away now and I can't see him. It hurts the most that he doesn't feel the same way about me now even though at the beginning he seemed to like me so much. I know it seems to be silly to be upset about someone who doesn't want to be with me but how do I get over him?? What if I'm not supposed to get over him? I've never felt the same way about someone as I do about him :(

Hi there,
I took a break from studying, and when I read your post I just wanted to give you a big hug. I really feel for you-
There's no easy answer, it can be just as difficult to get over someone when you didn't have a defined relationship as when you did have one. Someone on these boards once said that part of the emotion from the end of a casual relationship is the frustration that it didn't evolve into a more serious relationship. I know you said you understood his reasons for not wanting something serious, but it's still tough to deal with, and you are just as entitled to being upset.
I think you're doing the right thing by not calling - the more space you can give yourself, the better. I know it seems like memories of him are everywhere, but hopefully you can distract yourself to some extent and you will eventually spend less time thinking about him. But go easy on yourself, recognize that it will take time and effort to get through this, but you will.
I had a short term casual thing end back in December, and couldn't stop thinking about it for weeks (and we work together, so I have a reminder each weekday.) But now he crosses my mind only a few times a day, which still might seem like a lot, but it's manageable, and I have come to realize that I want someone who really wants to be with me in a mature relationship.
Hang in there, and post anytime-