Heartbroken in my fifties!
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| Thu, 06-22-2006 - 11:55pm |
I just returned from a trip taking my two aging parents to medical appointments out of town. It was a three day trip, and I observed a lot of older couples, many of them in ill health. I feel such despair. I also feel the crush of time passing quickly, and I am so afraid I will give in to the emotion of wanting to be comforted through this time by another man. That would be so unfair to that person. That is why I'm convinced I need to just type out the emotions that I am feeling, until I can get through this dark tunnel to the other side.
Just a recap: I ended a long term relationship of almost 7 years last Friday morning when I discovered that the bf had been posting his profile on an online dating site. I am crushed. I also know that I made the absolutely correct decision.
So, I would like to keep this thread going - with older forties + sharing their unique perspective on heartbreak. Thanks.

Hi, Ana...
The time right after a break-up is hard on the emotions and spirits of an individual. Your relationship of seven years is a long time and will probably take a while to process and get to where you feel better about things.
I have found that after my divorce, I have become more particular about who I let into my heart and have tried to be careful about how much I grow to care for that person. I can see in hindsight that by trying to 'protect' myself against heart ache that I probably have not been fair to the other party.
I met someone about six weeks ago that for the first three weeks, said the kind of things that I would think that any of us would want to hear. And then just as abruptly, she changed... I figure that I met someone who gets involved in the 'flavor of the week' kind of thing and that maybe my 'use by date' had already expired.
But its ok... I can tell now that she is someone that I would have not worked out with. It's just as well that it didnt last any longer than it did, but it doesnt mean that the disappointment from the expectations hurts any less.
Jim
I am not the same person as I was before the break-up. I think I will gradually return to my centered optimistic self, but right now, I am a cynical, wounded, sad individual! I so understand how women (and men) want to return to the familiar comfort zone where they are loved and cared for...that is why sometimes divorced couples remarry, and why I tried twice to resurrect this last relationship. Doesn't work!
How tempting it is to find somebody else's arms right now to hold me. That would be so selfish of me. I know that I've got to go solo for awhile, lick these wounds and get on with life. The "normal" me is an independent, confident, happy person. I don't recognize who I am right now!
I asked before on these boards if anybody had ever had the experience of their bf or gf wanting to change their appearance. In my case this guy always wanted me to cut my extremely long hair. I think it was to conform to some ideal that he had in his head...I didn't do it. Now I'm thinking that was a big warning sign that the relationship was doomed.
I think this board will really help me to avoid seeking comfort in a person for awhile. I am so grateful for that.