Heartbroken over soulmate
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Heartbroken over soulmate
| Wed, 05-16-2007 - 9:22pm |
it's been over 5 weeks since the breakup. we were together for over a year and i say he's my soulmate, although others might call it astral twins (we are born less than 10 hours apart in the same hospital), because it's as if we've known each other our entire lives. our personalities are so similar - i sometimes feel like we are twin siblings. the difference is the strong love attraction that we both felt early on - the passion, the connection, the emotions were so strong that we were inseparable and completely in love. after 6 months together, what i call a "near-tragedy" in the family happened where our love was tested. i thought we came out okay, but a few months after that i found out that he was disappointed in the trials and tibulations of our relationship - in that he did not see me as that perfect person he once thought of me. he realizes that it's unfair to put me on a pedestal, but he did, and in losing the way he saw me made him lose some of the connection. he still told me he loved me, was affectionate, but not quite the same. i later find out that he may have a fear of commitment. we tried for 5 more months to see if we could get that early passion back, but it felt like a couple being together for 15 years and that's not what he wants - he wants to constantly feel "high" in love and passion. nothing wrong for me, but for him...he felt robbed. i tried to explain that it was what we went through early on that tested us that caused us to have to move through that stage faster than normal - that it wasn't because something was wrong with us. to make a long story short, we decided to "go our separate ways" and break up. i've been pretty strong the last 5 weeks - something in my heart, a very strong feeling tells me that we will be together again. but, when i'm weak, i wonder if i'm kidding myself. my question is, do you think i should contact him? we have had no contact since. has anyone been through something like this or know of someone who has - to have had something so incredible and then be gone. is there a chance for us again in this lifetime?

This may not be what you want to hear, but I understand exactly what kind of relationship you are talking about, yes he may come back. Mine has, many times. He is wonderful at romance, the beginning is always amazing. However, once it settles down and becomes routine he starts looking for another "fix"
Men that are long on romance and short on committment aren't ready for a mature relationship. They thrive on the rush of new relationship and the thrill of the chase. He'll come back. but he won't stick around.
I'm so sorry you have to go through this. I know how these kind of men can steal your heart and soul. I'm trying to get over one myself. Sometimes it hurts so much I can't breathe. But its getting better because I have chosen to take control of the situation by not contacting him. It is very hard, but if I can do it so can you.
Be strong!
For what it's worth I just ended a 10 mth relationship with the best man ever for the same reasons. I can go on and on about how great he was..we never argued, had the same crazy sense of humor (he even told me no one else ever made him laugh as much as I did), he loved everything about me and I him. But he told me he was still dating someone else after seven months together. When I told him we needed time apart..he confessed how much he missed me..loved me etc., It really is so hard to pull away when everything seemed so great. It took me another two months before I got the courage to end it and it has been 2 weeks of NC since. I noticed in these times how his affections dwindled and didn't seem as intense..though it was nothing major I could sense the difference.
Some men just live for the high from the chase in the early months of a relationship and when reality sets in they are off for another high. By the way my guy is 37..insists he is ready to get married..even has a very detailed online profile about what he is looking for...the fact is until he is mature enough to 'deal' he'll forever be chasing after the thrill.
This board really has helped me put things in perspective...WOW...we live just 5 mins away from each other..and I haven't had the urge at all to see him. The more I stick to my decision the stronger I get..if he contacts me and is ready for a real relationship only then would I speak to him. Either way what he does is no longer my focus.
Give yourself the time to step away from the situation and look back at it from a practical perspective...only then you'll know for sure whether this guy is mature enough to give you what you want..good luck.