HELP!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
HELP!
3
Sat, 08-11-2007 - 12:38am
I know this sounds weird, but I found out that my boyfriend of 4 1/2 years cheated on me with at least 10 different girls on several occassions. His ex-friend called me to tell me. Well, I confronted him and he lied at first. I then told him not to call me unless he was willing to be honest. He then confessed to everything. I'm still with him. I know, why? I ask myself that everyday. I feel like I'm mad at every girl he cheated on me with. He says I should "get over it and quit obsessing about it". I'm so mad at myself for putting up with this crap. He says that he won't "leave me alone" and that we "really love each other and are happy when we are together". I'm mad, hurt and I feel I deserve better. What is the best way to get him out of my life for good?
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
In reply to: isabana
Sat, 08-11-2007 - 12:57am

Welcome to the board isabana,


Well, I think as soon as you really KNOW and BELIEVE that you deserve better, you will kick him to the curb.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
In reply to: isabana
Sun, 08-12-2007 - 12:16am
Thank you everyone for your advice. I have made up my mind to leave him. We don't live together but we do work together. I know that he will not stop trying to get me back. Everytime I broke things off before, he would keep bugging me until I gave in. I'm tired of feeling the way I do now. I'm tired of always wondering what he's doing behind my back. He was engaged to a girl before me and had multiple "booty calls" with girls from his old job and who ever else he could. He told me it was because he didn't love her. When I asked why he did it to me he said that in the beginning of our relationship it was because he was afraid that he was falling in love with me, LOL! Then towards the middle of our relationship it was because we would fight and it would help him take his mind off of me and the most recent cheating was because he was afraid of being alone when we would fight. I'm so messed up from all this mess. I told him that I am done with him. He told me that he will NEVER do it again and realizes how much he hurt me. He said that he will never cheat on me again. I told him that he is full of it. He says that no matter what happens between us that he has learned his lesson and that he would never cheat on any girl or lie ever. I think part of me feels sad because what if this is true and he treats the next girl the way I should have been treated. I keep telling myself that it doesn't matter. I think my biggest question is "WHY?", why me? I know that because I stayed after knowing it's partly my fault. I know that he has cheated on every girl he's ever been with. Is it possible that he can change? I don't know.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2007
In reply to: isabana
Sun, 08-12-2007 - 1:27am

If he had meant to stop, I think he would have come clean with you. You shouldn't have had to force him to admit anything.

Logically, if you hadn't found out and gotten him to admit it then what....he'd delay his 'change of heart' until you found out? c'mon. If a guy means to change, he'd come clean instead of rationalizing that "uh oh, if i don't change I'll lose her". Furthermore, if he'd been cheating on his ex-fiancee, he should know you took a leap of faith with him...why betray it?

Don't torment yourself with whether or not he'll change for the next girl. If he meant to undergo some big epiphany with you, he'd have done it 10 girls before, not after you cornered him. Any guy knows that the first time he cheats on his girlfriend, it's going to break her heart and usually the remorse is enough to get him to own up and stop. But he did it....and it did it again..and again...and again..and again. There is a clearly a lack of remorse and responsibility here. All his cheating is a result of "our relationship", not "I screwed up, I'm awful". Whatever words are coming out of his mouth, he's saying them to win you back, not because he feels badly.

And when you break it off, it's going ot hurt..a lot. But you'll get through it. And there's a world of guys out there that don't cheat and blame it on 'your relationship'. Bottomline is, it's not your fault. He cheats on everyone, and it's just bad luck you got caught in it this turn of the wheel. Hold on to your anger.

cheers
Susanna

- There comes a point in your life when you realize who matters, who never did, who won't anymore, and who always will. So don't worry about people from your