HELP

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-11-2007
HELP
3
Thu, 01-11-2007 - 9:34pm
hey new to this so here is my story need help.
Been involved with a guy 10 years.he left before our daughter was born we have a 5yr old together.3yrs ago he knoked up another woman, married her and has been cheating with me for the past twoyrs. he clames he loves me and only married her to hurt me, how do you walk away from someone who has hurt you and our child so much? yet i still love him and wish it would work am i being stupid? Please help
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2006
In reply to: brokenheart29
Thu, 01-11-2007 - 9:54pm
I know it's hard to walk away from someone you love, even if the relationship isn't healthy. But you have to force yourself to do what is right. I don't know why you decided to have an affair with a man who abandoned you and your child. He claims to love you, but he wanted to hurt you by marrying someone else. Is that really love? I truly believe that love has two components - the feeling part, and the action part. The feeling part is easy. But without the action part, the feelings are meaningless. For example, I wouldn't consider an abusive husband to really "love" his wife. He might have the feelings, but he's not treating her in a way that shows it. It's going to be a battle, but I think the key is to learn how to love yourself. I know that sounds cheesy. But when you love someone, you want the best for them and protect them from harm. You're staying because you love him. And I'm suggesting you leave because you love yourself. Don't let yourself stay in an unhealthy relationship. Seek professional help if you need it. Or rely on friends. But you have to make the first step.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
In reply to: brokenheart29
Fri, 01-12-2007 - 2:36pm

Stupid is a strong word. My guess is that your self-esteem could use a 'pick me up' and when it does, you will kick him to the curb. If he married her to hurt you and loves you, he could have divorced her any time during the last two years. Instead, my guess is that he likes having his cake and eating it too. He's using both of you.

There are too many people in your relationship. Take yourself out of the game. Seek counseling to help you sort through things and to be able to tell him to go away for good.


Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-11-2007
In reply to: brokenheart29
Fri, 01-12-2007 - 5:58pm
Thanks you for yo advise and a friendly ear. I only have to see him 2 times a year,we do have a child together. Lucky for me he lives 1400 miles away so the pain and heartbrake only come when he visits. I did as you suggesed it was and is hard not returning any calls or messages. we were friends for years before this happened.I will always love him nomatter what but i have to love myself and my children more. thanks again.