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| Fri, 04-21-2006 - 9:20pm |
First off let me start by saying that I am a guy. I just got a out a very serious relationship within the last three weeks or so. We were together for roughly 15 months, and I was certain we were going to spend the rest of our lives together. We talked about it all the time and about a month before we broke up I began looking for an engagement ring. Well things had been rough between the two of us for about the previous month, bc we are both in school and getting ready to graduate. I return from a job interview and we discussed the fact that it looked as though our job interests would take us to two different states. We decided that it was best to break up. It was very sad for both of us, and it was a mutual thing. We said without a doubt we would be friends. Thinking about it for the rest of the day and the next, I decided that I wanted to be with her no matter what and that I would move wherever she wanted to go. The following day I called her to tell her that is what I wanted, as long as I could be with her. She didnt return my call. Now I should mention that for about a week now her phone hadn't been working so I was under the usumption that she didn't recieve my call. I called her once more that day, and then called her a couple times a day for the rest of the week thinking that she wasnt getting my calls. I became very worried. We said we would be friends so I had no reason to think she was avoiding me. even in the voicemails I stataed that if she was avoiding me to call somoene in my family or friends and let them know that she was ok and I would leave her alone. Well this never happened. That friday I knew she would be at work, and I wanted to see if everything was ok. So i went up to her work, and she was very frightened. She thought I was going to hurt her, she even had a friend come up there to watch to make sure I didnt do anything. Now i have NEVER hit her, or acted, or threatened to do so. She acted very weird, and said that she didn't want to be with me right now and that she needed some time. I said ok. I was heartbroken. I didn't speak to her once all weekend after that. The following monday she called my sister and they spoke for a while and she stated that right now she wasn't sure what she wanted, but that she wanted to be alone for now. After speaking about it with some friends, they said that there were a couple of days that I really screwed up for her(Ex: Valentines Day and her Birthday), and they said it would be nice if I sent her some flowers. So I had flowers delivered to her house the following day, and I sat at home waiting for my phone to ring. Well that evening it rang, only it wasnt her it was the police department. They stated that she called them and wanted to put a PPO against me. I know it sounds like I am leaving somehting out, but I swear to you this is the honest truth. I know for a fact that she wasn't cheating on me, or isn't seeing anyone now, but I don't understand what the hell happened. What makes it even worse is I am a criminal justice major going to be a cop, and the fact that she called the cops could have ruined my chances of ever being a cop. The following day she went and told my professor what happened, and changed the truth around to make it appear as though I have been harrassing her, so now my professor hates me. The only logical explanation that I have been able to come up with is that in the past she has been in two serious relationships, and both turned violent against her, and the first one resulted in the guy stalking her for several years. But I am neither of those guys. I don't know if I did something that reminded her of them or what. Since then I have not contacted her, altough I know my friend called her and she wont call him back. I don't understand how you go from being so sad that you are breaking up to the point where it seems like she hates me. What makes it even worse is that she is moving out of state for Master's school in about 3 months. That's my story, and I'd really like it if a woman could give me their viewpoint on the sitation. THank you. I also forgot to say that the night i went to her work, she said that she had recieved all my phone calls that I made during that week, and that she didnt see a reason to call me back.. I keep forgeting things. I forgot to mention that she also has a daughter, and I was really looking forward to becomming a father to this daughter. You see on March 16th of last year, my gf had a miscarriage. She was 10 weeks pregnant at the time. Ever since then is when I became so focused on becomming a family. I realize I am really young for all this(I am only 21), but I was ready for it, and I'm just trying to figure out what happened. The day that we broke up like I said we were both really sad that it had to come to that, and when she left she was crying and gave me a kiss goodbye and said she loved me, which is another reason why I didn't think she was getting any of the phone calls that I placed. I would really appreciate it if someone would read these and respond in some way. It's been really rough these last 3 weeks. I have lost alot of weight, i don't go out I just sit at home. I'm getting ready to graduate from college in 2 weeks and I'm not even excited about it bc I'm so sad all the time. I have no clue what i'm going to do in terms of a career bc i was so certain that I was going to spend the rest of my life with her and I was willing to go anywhere with her. I am not trying to put down my ex or be funny in anyway, bc i am dead serious-but is she literally crazy? I mean...can anyone rationalize with the fact that she called the police bc I sent her flowers? I want to add that I am in no way trying to bash my ex or put her down..I don't hate or, I still love her very much. I also don't want to make it seem like I am the victim and never did anything wrong. I certainly admit that I did things that were not ok which caused problems in our relationship. Like I said initially we broke up bc we were moving in seperate directions, and it was a mutual decision. Then when I went to her work she started saying how miserable she had been for about 2months now and how I tried to control her so much that it caused her to have an eating disorder. Now I hate saying this and God I now its going to make me sound like an jerk which I swear im not and I don't intend to sound this way, but if she had an eating disorder for months, she would have lost weight. Well and again I hate to put it this way, over the last 2 months or so she put on a good 15-20 pounds. And god that sounded horrible, Im sorry. Also about the control thing. I'm sure there were things that I did that were me trying to control her, but I certainly didn't intend it to be that way. The thing she said taht was most controlling was the fact taht I always wanted us to be together...Well this last semeseter(like I said we are both still in school), I had two internships and was working full time plus school, she had full time school and work so we both were so busy we never saw each other, and when we could see each other I wanted to spend as much time with her as possible, and sometimes when she didn't want to come over I guess I made her feel guilty, so from that standpoint I was controlling, what do you guys think?

Carrie
Gosh, I'm sure you must be hurting for her to do such a complete turn-around, but you need to respect her feelings and move on, hard as that is.
And just so you know, not all eating disorders result in weight loss (bulimia is often accompanied by binging for example). So she may not be lying about that...but that doesn't mean you *were* controlling but rather that she *felt* you were (and there may be other things in her life that affected her as well).
She just may not be a healthy person...that doesn't mean YOU are a bad person, just that the two of you together were not a good fit due to her issues. If you know in your heart that you treated her well and loved her, that's all that matters. Learn what you can from the experience and move on.
Sheri