HELP!!!!!
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HELP!!!!!
| Mon, 07-18-2005 - 7:11pm |
Help guys,
I am feelig so so so bad. My bf and I took a break for 3 weeks (we've been dating for almost a year). Within a week he found someone else and deeply fell in love with this woman. They spend all their time together. Recently he asked her to move with him to a different town (where he is planning on going for a job)... And even that they know each other only for 3 weeks, they say "I love you"... it kills me!!! He never asked me to move in with him and as a matter of fact, he was always sure that he was unsure... How can it happen - just got out of one relationship and so much in love with someone else. It just break my heart....
Thanks!!!

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Hi NYCgirl,
It's funny how some situations are similar. Last night, I was walking down the hill and I saw him walking up the hill - he pretended not so see me. It hurt, not because I am deeply in love with him, but just because we were close friends and it's hard to see that emotions can destroy friendships as well. I like him as a person, and would be fine having just normal friendship relationship... But I guess, maybe i was a fool, maybe not much friendship was there on the first place, or he is still hurt deeply inside, even that he initiated it. I will never know. But I have to say and confirm what every one of you was saying consistantly -
EVERY DAY GETS BETTER. I don't take every little thing close to my heart anymore. My life slowly comes back to me and there are periods I miss him a lot, but they diminish over time. I regained my friends back and do things with them, meet new people and see endless opportunities in life that I've never seen while I was with my ex. I was too consumed in him. I guess, that was also, one of my mistakes - that I need to learn - never consume your life in someone else's. It's so not healthy! And I also think it pushes guys to be emotionally unavailable when they sense it, because they get scared... Well, next time will be better.
One more thing... while being with his new girl, he took this weekend of to go and see professional help (where was he when he was with me? He talked a lot about it, but never did anything about it) and now, he probably realized that he might have a problem too. Well, I just hope that he will sort his problems out.
Thank you so much! It really helps to listen to your experiences and related them to my own!!!
Hey girl,
It is quite funny how our situations are so similar. Thursday I went to a bar and saw my ex b/f there with his friends. He looked at me in utter shock I guess never expecting to see me there and he stared on and off the entire time I was there. His friends came up to me to say hi and I said hello and kissed my ex on the cheek. Trust me my heart broke into a million pieces and I wanted nothing more than to jump into his arms and tell him I much I love him and missed him. I looked at him and fell right back in love BUT this was his decision. He broke up with me to be with someone else. He wanted it this way. He never had the guts to tell me things weren't working --he just left me hanging. I had to find closure on my own and I'm still looking for it--but like I said before I'm not the mess I was. We didn't say another word to each other for the rest of the night and shortly after they left and I sat there and saw him walk away---something I am used to.
It's get better, I have my good days and bad ones. I still think of him often more often than I like, but he was my first love and will always be a part of me. I wonder how he feels for his g/f, if he's in love, if she makes him happy, if he's comfortable with her enough to get out of his shell, if she makes his smile.....I think of that all the time. I miss him and our moments together and sometimes I feel lonely and empty. But this is part of the whole getting over and moving on process. I'm sure one day I will wake up and he won't be on my mind. And I know it will be the same for you.
Don't feel so bad about being so consumed in him, this happens when you're madly in love with someone, all you want to do is be with them--trust me I was so there! Don't beat yourself over it. I feel like there was a reason for him being in my life, just like there was a reason your ex was in yours--we both learned lessons, we both learned from our mistakes, and we both realize many things about yourselves--and hopefully we now know what we want, need, and deserve from our next relationships. I think timing is everything.
I'm glad to hear that you're out and about and enjoying yourself. I locked myelf up in my room for weeks and completely lost myself. Party like a rock star girl! Go out and have fun fun fun. That's all I do lately....he's not crying over me, so why the well should I cry over him. Life is too short and there are too many others out there. Ya know what I tell myself whenever I'm down---where he was unwilling to go, there are nine others who are willing....
I'm glad your ex decided to seek professional help and I do also hope he sorts his problems out as well. Maybe after all, he did it because of you. Maybe in some way he wanted to be a better person because you had an affect on him....ya never know. There was a reason you both were in eachother's life, even if it was for a short period, there is a reason behind it. Now NY2004, all you have to do is look straight ahead and get ready for what the future has in store for you. Focus on that. Don't look behind, no steps backwards. It will all be ok.
I hope each day gets better for you and since our situations are so similar...keep me posted and let me know how youre doing. Hang in there girl!
J
Oh my, we have so many similarities and thank you so much for your warm support. It really really helps!!! You know, you would probably laught at it, but my EX (capital letters) didn't have the guts to tell me about the other girl either. I felt that something was quite wrong for the last 2 weeks we were together, but the sad part is also, that if I would have never brought up us or the subject of him and her, he would have probably just hanged around me, because it was comfortable for him. But once, I decided to clear things up, he made a decision that it would be better for him to be in new exciting relationships. And you know what... I realized, that if they didn't have guts to tell us and gracefully get out of the relationships without letting us hanging there, then I would respect them more. Now, looking back, it really seems to be immature and unfair. And if they did it once... I do believe that it might be a pattern for them.
Moreover, I had exactly the same feelings as you were - what if the other girl makes him really happy, makes him smile, makes him feel relaxed around him... couldn't sleep at night for the first week. then, woke up and saw - hey, no one is perfect. We all have flaws - we are just humans, and there are no relationships without work and problems. So, eventually these problems will arise - they might be different from what you and I had with our EXs, but there will be problems. Will they dump them for someone else? Possibly...
You are absolutely right - everything that happens, happens for a reason. Aren't you glad in your heart, that at the end, you didn't stay with a person who didn't act nice towards you, and finished things nicely, even if you weren't the right much for each other. I think the level of maturity in these guys desires to be higher...
And I really like your attitude towards having your life too. I am trying. The first week I started smoking like crazy a pack per day. Today I said to myself. Why am I killing myself over someone who doesn't even deserve me? I have to do the opposite (one of Seinfeld's episodes) - do in spite - go and have fun, because they want you to suffer!!! I am glad you are there as well already!
BTW, I read an amazing book that I think will really help me in future relationships. If you are interested: "The seven dumbest relationship mistakes smart people make" by Carolyn Bushong.
All right, darling, enjoy the evening and let's keep each other posted when we run into them and what we do... It will certanly help me and I am sure I will be in situations like that :))))
Hello Ms. NY
I'm Ms. California, and I have family in Brooklyn and New York, and I just love to spend the summer there. I haven't been in a few years, but I do love New York. It's fun, and exciting, and very fast paced. When I get home, I'm exhausted, from all of the walking and cab hopping to all the places my cousins takes me. I hope to see the city again soon.
Anyways, I just wanted to tell you, and you don't know me, but I PROMISE YOU, YOU WILL GET THRU THIS!!!! Your still going to have those days when your on top of the world, and you think your over him, and may just decide to call him. I'm not sure if your there yet, but whatever you do, remain with NC. It's the only way to fully recover from your pain. I am almost there with getting over him. I would be lying if I said I was 100%. I'm not, and not embarrassed to say, that after 8 mos of not talking to him, I am fully recovered. Like the other posters, you grieve as long as you can, and it's ok if takes you longer than others to move on. Thru your pain, your finding out about you, and what you want and need in your life. Your learning valuable lessons, and becoming a better woman for your next man. Trust, your "ex" has opened the door and is leading you to a good man who deserves you and your unconditional love. I just love what I'm saying, because I'm saying it to myself as well. Take care of your heart and soul, and if you believe in God, pray to him and ask him to help you continue healing your heart. He will do it for you, because if it wasn't for him, I wouldn't be where I am today. God bless you, and may your heart heal in a timely manner. Take care
Dear dev242,
I was very touched with what you said. Thanks for your support. I thought about it, and saw that this relationship, doesn't matter how bad or good was, gave me a better understanding of who I am as a person, helped me better see flaws I have and strenghts I have as well, so the whole process, as painful as it might be really helps me to grow as a person. I probably wouldn't be able to do that if everything was going perfect... then I wouldn't have found any traits in myself I want to work on.
Thanks again,
Amen dev242,
I had to post on this thread bc I know that we can be so vulnerable to hurting situations, we are women, and we have to realize that God made us delicate creatures. We were made to support men and nurture. When we are rejected in any kind of way by the men we love, we tend to hurt extensively and a little more than usual. This is okay and fine. But...God also made us to be strong and wise. We as women have more power than we know. Look at Eve, Adam ate from her hand. Read the book of Ruth, Boaz gave her anything she wanted and needed. God gave us power, and you know what else He gave us that I absolutely love??? That womens INTUITION!!! Dont you love it ladies??!!! Really that is another word for wisdom in my book. We all know that some men arent too bright when it comes to relationships, and God will give us that intuition, that sensing to save ourselves and to reveal the truth of whats really going on. Just like you said dev242...He kept showing you things and putting things in your ear, and sometimes we tend to push it away. Its okay...the good thing about it all, is that we learn. God wants us to be wise. And strong. You hurt today, but you smile tomorrow. You mught hurt today, but He will give you a joy that you just cant describe in you latter...
Please, ladies..understand me...you will hurt now, but you will laugh and smile and be empowered and strong one day! Everyone's storm is different. But guess what? All storms come to an end and when they do....it is always so much prettier, greener, fresher, and crisp later.
Remember that there is no man on this earth that can give you inner peace, wholeness, and joy like God can. Pray to Him daily, nightly, or even minutely or hourly if you can, and ask for Him to heal your wounds, to mend your heart, to piece you back together, and send you a good man who is worth your time and emotions. He WILL do whatever you ask Him to do, if you believe, and when you do..I PROMISE you will feel so much better. If you dont believe me read Mark 11:24- His Promise is right there...( "Whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it and it shall be yours") Ladies, that means pray and ask God for peace, joy, financial stability, love, good health, a good man, a better job, a open future, a good marriage, strength, prosperity, wisdom...anything you need!
Dev242, I am glad that you were touched, and I am glad that God is in your picture, please remember to keep Him in your picture, and I pray that all of you who read my posts will start to acknowledge Him. He is the only one who has the plan for our lives.....
And when you talk to Him, He does listen and will talk back to you and guide you, if you let Him....
Love and greater strength to all,
blessed12005
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