HELP!~
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HELP!~
| Wed, 10-03-2007 - 7:00pm |
okay, so my ex just messaged me online, (I know, i broke the NC) but it just went something like this, please tell me if i said the wrong thing.
him: hey
me: hey
him: do you want to see the movie Across the Universe today?
(that's the movie we promised we'd still see with each other even though we broke up)
me: I dunno
him: ok
me: I still want to see it but I'm trying to get over you and I need some time to heal.
him: fair enough
THAT's ALL he can say?! maybe i shouldn't even have brought up that im trying to heal, it makes me sound weak. yea?

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update!
so i tell him i still want to see it with him. and then he said "you said u needed time to heal. i understand." and then i said "ive had time to realize i only want to be friends with you". (i do want to see the movie! and i think i can be okay seeing him...but that's something i wont know until i see him)
what have i done?!
okay so we both agreed to see the movie tonight. when i talked to him online, my heart was fluttering but it was almost like i was annoyed to hear all his simple and distant answers. I almost felt like, "i can do this, his distance really turns me off, and i dont think i want to have something like that anymore". so im hoping it will go fine tonight. i will definitely update about it and see how it goes. this is danger territory since its only been a month of NC, but i will be back to tell how it went.
*worried*
Sorry for posting so much, but this is exactly how it went down on AIM as much as I can remember. I don't normally talk like this on aim (distant), I'm usually all lovey dovey but I try to remain a lil distant. He's still acting cold as ever.
him: hey
me: hey
him: do you want to see Across the Universe today?
me: i dunno
him: ok
me: I do want to see it. I'm trying to get over you but I need some time to heal.
him: fair enough
me: I will still see it with you ok
him: You need sometime to heal. I understand.
me: I still want to see it though. I'm done with volunteering at 6 so maybe we can see it after.
him: you need some time to heal. that sounds like a good idea.
me: Ive had time to realize I only want to be friends with you. I gave you my answer so if you still want to see it, let me know because I have to leave to volunteer.
him: Yea sure alright (knowing him I know he said this in an annoyed way)
me: ok then. maybe you should find out when and where it's playing and get back to me.
him: it's not even playing anywhere
me: hmm ok.
me: i have to go
him: later
(I sign off)
What do you guys think? I mean, he did want to see me right since he asked me. He is the one who broke up with me. But it seems like he doesn't mind me getting over him, or do you think he's just trying not to show that he misses me? Please let me know what you think.
Hey -
Hang in there girl!
Okay - as I see it, I'm sure he thinks about you and misses being around you, but doesn't miss you as a girlfriend. And I'm almost so certain that s*** will hit the fan when you see him... IF you do see him. You will see him, have all of those feelings all over again, you'll smell his scent (thats what got me after I saw my ex after a week), you'll remember the last time you went to a movei together and you were all happy, you'll sit in the theater so sad that you can't cuddle up next to him. You may not even enjoy the movie that much considering all the tension that will be there.
You will try to talk to him even though now you think you won't. I've been there. I said I would go over my ex's house and not talk about anything. But of course, one thing leads to another and a conversation about our relationship starts. And he'll say something to you, and you'll overanalyze it to the end.
I just feel like it will be a stressful event. Especially since I've seen all the pain and sorrow you've been going through lately through the posts.
Although you want to be friends, and he's reaching out and you want anything you can get at this point, it will leave you feeling even more depressed later. Cause you'll end up wanting so much more.
Please take that into consideration. It's sooo tough I know. But you have to turn the other cheek.
I think he totally understands that you have to get over him cause he knows deep down he cannot give you what you want - which is committment and devotion.
Good luck to you and big hugs!!
i made the mistake of opening a bulletin he posted on myspace which said he needs to get out of here and move already. :(
he really doesnt care about me at all
I'm having a really hard time sleeping, so I decided to open the board and lo and behold, you've gone haywire ;)
STOP talking to him, STOP answering him. The reason he kept with the "no, you need to heal" is because you went from one side to the other at lightning speed and it was pretty transparent. That's very confusing to a guy. It's embarrassing to get told, so don't make him have to tell you, let me do it since you never have to face me ;) When you say something like, "I can't see you right now," just stick with it, even if you think you can handle seeing him, it's pretty obvious from this side of the world that you cannot handle it right now. Ok? You really cannot just from what you've been posting. You're not going to be the first person in history who can go from lovers to friends immediately and not get your heart broken all over again by trying.
I know, and everyone else on the board knows how hard this is, it can be absolutely excruciating and you grasp at any little straw that comes across your way, you even rationalize it to yourself just so you can get away with it, but your conscience and your gut know better than you do so just don't do it anymore. You cannot control this situation, and the more you try to control it, the more you'll end up out of control, trying to correct and anticipate for every single move, every single nuance.
If you're near the beach, I have a homework assignment for you: Go to the beach, pick up a bunch of sand in your hand. Make a really tight fist. What happens? The sand comes oozing out of every little crevice until you're not holding anything anymore. Now, pick up another handful of sand, this time keep your hand open, just cupped with the fingers touching. What happens to the sand? Nothing. It stays in your hand. If you're not near the beach, go to a playground and find the sandbox. We all learned this as kids, but we seem to forget as we get older. You've just experienced a visual and intuitive demonstration of how not forcing a situation gives you more control over it, without even trying.
Good night,
That was really beautiful what you said. I actually do live across the street from the beach. I will definitely try that and actually try to visualize my situation. You were right about me saying I wanted time to heal yet agreeing to see him, I completely embarrassed myself in front of him. I also did try to rationalize seeing him. I'm so glad to have you and everybody else on this board. It was too late to stop myself, but I did learn. He is going to move soon and I would like to see him, more than once before he leaves. Hopefully I am able to be friends with him before he leaves although I highly doubt that. It will just hurt all over again when he finally leaves, it will probably more than this. I'd rather have him around and not see him than to not have him around at all. How strange is that.
I don't have any control at all, except in my dreams. I see him there and we're even together, but they are just that, dreams. I guess I am still shocked that after all this time during the breakup, he still doesn't want to be with me.
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