HELP-baby moma wont leave my man alone

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2007
HELP-baby moma wont leave my man alone
5
Thu, 02-22-2007 - 1:06pm
My man and I have been together for years but have split up a few times. One of those times he "accidentally" got a girl pregnant. Now we are back together and getting strong, he's finally growing up. She has been very persistent in pursuing him. She text messages, etc acts like his best friend but throws herself at him, always love you cards, you're the best. He is very nice, doesn't like drama, would help anyone kind of guy but also thinks ignoring problems will fix the problem. Recently she has sent him obscene picture mails. I'm tired of this crap and have given him an ultamatium, problem is I don't trust either one of them but I'm trying to give him a chance. He has to deal with her b/c of the child. I don't want her crap to ruin our relationship and I don't want to dismiss him b/c she won't let go. I tried to confront her by text message after she sent an obscene picture and she just sent more. Stomping her into the ground will only throw me in jail and not fix anything. I know it will take time for her to see we are strong but I'm impatient. And there's always the possibility they are having sexual relations and she doesn't care that he lives with me b/c she's doing anything to get him. How long can something like that go on....as long as he can get away with it. What in the world do I do??? I want to get her to stop.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Thu, 02-22-2007 - 1:52pm

Hi sweetmagic07 and welcome to the board.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2007
Thu, 02-22-2007 - 3:44pm
Thank you for your comments. It is HIS problem. And I do see the red flags. Just choose to ignore them. The stupid things we do for love. I wished along time ago I would have ended things. But I am already in this for this long, and two kids with him later, things are starting to brighten up and turn around. I'm giving all this one last last last chance for sure because I have grown and he has come a little way but you're right he still has growing to do. I have a feeling that he is sticking up to her more and that is making her try harder. I have heard him set some things straight with her lately. I'm just at a crossroads where I'm ready for many things to change in my life. I'm reaching the age of 30 and he just did. So thanks again for the opinion. This is a big decision and I just need some unbiased opinions.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2006
Thu, 02-22-2007 - 4:57pm

I wish I knew how to help in this situation. I am having the same problem with my husband, his supposed ex-mistress and what is said to be his child. She is sending mail to him first with her name on return address, and now with the kid's name since she knows he will open it. She is sending anything she can to hopefully make the final break in our relationship.

Check to see if there are any harassment laws that can be pursued for legal action against her. Go see a magistrate and take any and all evidence you have with you. Try keeping everything documented i.e. date the envelopes or whatever comes in mail, write in a notebook or whatever you have anything that is significant with dates of happenings:Phone calls, face to face,mail, whatever. If you are showing an effort and taking the time to do this it may look better if her harassment/stalking goes further. Sometimes harassment/stalking is hard to prove to law enforcement.
If you think he is cheating still, you have to make up your own mind whether to stay with someone you don't trust, someone who isn't showing you by actions he is serious about being done with her. There are ways to deal with visitation of the child and not have to deal with or see her. Suggest to him getting a mediator to bring the child to him and back to her. Are you sure this is his child or did she get pregnant maybe by someone else and the timing was close enough to pass it off as your man's. Any proof on legal paper as positively his?

I wish you all the luck and peace you are deserving of. Nobody deserves to have anyone harass and try to meddle in the lives of people who are trying to heal and mend a relationship they both want. But both of you have to want it and he has to work hard and not just say words but put them into action to prove to you for as long as it takes you to be able to trust him or not again.
When you find out how to handle this situation, please let the rest of us know.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2007
Thu, 02-22-2007 - 5:02pm
Thanks for the reply. The solution to this problem is probably to dump the "man" but it is so hard to do when he does show effort but backslides and then shows effort. The cycle does have to be stopped by someone.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2006
Thu, 02-22-2007 - 5:27pm

You are welcome.
Yes, the cycle does have to stop if you are to have any peace in your life. It is very difficult to cut the ties when you have loved and may still love him. We women just don't know how really to think like a man and think of our own happiness and well-being first. We were made to nurture and care for others and usually forget all about our needs.
Be good to yourself any way that makes you feel good. Do something for yourself that you might not while you have been with him.
Maybe you should find yourself another man, not for a relationship necessarily, but as a companion. Why should you be alone while the other guy has everything he wants. He has you and the other woman.

I know first-hand how difficult all of this is. I am living it too. It is difficult for me to be good to myself and to do the good self-talk routine.

Feel free to email me anytime you want to we women have to stick together sometimes.

Take care.