Help-Boardering on Obsession
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Help-Boardering on Obsession
| Sun, 11-12-2006 - 12:56am |
I have a major problem, and I need to tell someone. I still know all the passwords to my ex's bank account and e-mail. I find myself checking them occasionally to see what he's up to. There are messages from his new gitlfriend in his account, and I can also see where he's spending his money on her. Retaurants, movie tickets, etc. Although it hurts to view these things, I seem to not be able to stop myself. On top of that, he's started seeing her aweek after we broke up, they've been going out for 3 weeks now (See post I Need to VENT), well there was a message to suggest that their allready sleeping with each other. I don't know how I should process all this. I need help. Anyone out there with a similar situation or that has any advice? It's 1am and I have no one else to talk to.

I've been there, done that...a couple years ago, I suspect my BF at the time of cheating and snooped and found his password to a singles site. I found out he was indeed cheating on me and ended it. But I continued to read his emails on the site for quite some time, and it was VERY painful seeing him interact with the woman he cheated on me with and others.
I finally forced myself to stop...one day at a time. What helped me was making commitments to people like my friends and my counselor that I wouldn't look at the site for X number of days. Then I'd increase it. Eventually, I lost my urge to look.
I would really urge you to stop as soon as you can...I don't know this for sure, but I wouldn't be surprised if looking at his bank information is criminal. If someone were to find out...he's your ex, he's not worth it.
Sheri
If he knows you know his bank account number and something comes up fishy, guess who suspect numero uno is going to be?
You really need throw away the password to his account and also throw away every thing that reminds you of him. Delete him from you phone, throw away his address, do whatever it takes for you to move on. Why are you subjecting yourself to this torture? You are only slowing down the moving on process. He has moved on and so should you. I hate to sound harsh but when I was with my ex, his ex-girlfriend wouldn't leave him alone and they had been broken up for a year and she was very obsessed with him. I actually felt sorry for her instead of jealous or mad. I made sure that when our relationship ended that I was going to walk away with pride and dignity and I threw away everything he ever gave me and deleted his phone number and address from my phone just days after he dumped me. I even broke contact with my friends who are friends with him. That was hard and drastic but I had to move on and now 5 months after our break up, I am a much stronger person.
It is very hard to move on at times and I am so sorry you are going through this. A lot of people on this board have gone through what you are going through and we are here for you.
I SO know what you're going through. I found out my ex had cheated on me that way, more than once. I didn't know what to do about knowing his passwords. I even had my friend send a spammy message to him about changing his passwords & he didn't get the hint. I couldn't tell him b/c he had never actually given them to me, I just guessed based on usage on something he did give me.
Everyone says to stop, and yes, that's the ideal. But like every addiction, people do it for emotional reasons. I would suggest treating it like an addiction, so if you really want to stop, ask your friends who have quit smoking about ideas.
I would suggest if you have to read limiting yourself to his e-mail and leaving the financial account alone. I'm sure the IP address is trackable for his bank account and if anything goes wrong they could probably trace it back to you.
Regarding my situation, knowing has hurt me, but thru his e-mail I've been watching my ex cheat on his new girl like he did with me. And knowing that has made me much stronger in recovery. I would have mourned him for years if I didn't know all this.
If you need more support try the CyberSnooping board. It has some good ideas and people with the same experience. The ideas that Northwestwanderer and Sandradee had to your post are excellent ideas if they fit your situation.
Overall I hear that girls just eventually get tired of it and move on when they date someone new. In fact today I actually am thinking, eh, who cares what he's doing, for the first time. It's been nearly 2 months so it's about time. Good luck!
Edited 11/15/2006 9:07 am ET by devuchka