Help.. Boyfriend Cheated

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-18-2006
Help.. Boyfriend Cheated
3
Mon, 12-18-2006 - 4:17pm

I just graduated from college 5 months ago and moved to a big city to be with my boyfriend of two years. I know nearly noone and had only him. We have been arguing for the past couple of months (I don't even know why) and he has been complaining that I am not the same, cute, smiley girl that I used to be. That I don't do this, that, anymore. I can tell he has been pulling away. He started hanging out with his friends more... not holding me at night.
Yesterday I found an email and found out that he has been going on multiple dates with a girl from work. He would call her and hang out when we fought. He went out to dinner with her and kissed her when i was on vacation last week. When i confronted him, he admitted everything saying "its no secret that we havent been getting along"... "I dont love you like I used to... you dont make me feel the same way" "I used to have an unimaginable love for you that has just gone away because I cant take the fighting" I wasn't happy", "I just wanted someone to talk to,,,, just wanted things to get better with us, hoped you would change"

This morning he started bawling in the shower... he came out and started crying again... he said through tears "you never did anything wrong... I ruined everything.. im so sorry...im so sorry"

Note: I did find a shady text message on his phone the first week we were dating, I was upset and told him to never do it again (it was nothing too bad... just a little flirting)

I love this man with all of my heart and never in a million years thought that he would cheat on me. He was my best friend. My world is falling apart.. what should I do.

We are living together until we both move into our own places in January. He says he doesnt want to be with anyone else, he just wants time for us to develop our individuality. He just want things to go back to the way they were. He thinks that he can get that passion back for me if we have a little break, and develop freindships and a life outside of eachother. He said he doesn't have that burning passion in his chest like he once did.. but he thinks he can get it back.

Do you think this relationship can be salvaged?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2006
Mon, 12-18-2006 - 7:46pm

Hailey: When a guy tells you that he doesn't have that burning desire for you, then the best thing to do is to part ways. My ex told me all the same things that your boyfried said. The best thing for you to do is to go your separate ways and find yourself. If he doesn't love you for the person you are, then he's not the one for you.

I'm a firm believer in the old addage "if it's meant to be, it will".

Believe me...you should be with someone who wants to be with you. Someone who is crazy about you and is not trying to change you.

Don't compromise yourself.

Good luck,
GH

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2006
Tue, 12-19-2006 - 12:54pm

:Do you think this relationship can be salvaged?

Only if you want to be with a serial cheater. Once he sees you will stay, he will continue his double life with a lot less interest in covering up his cheating.

My recommendation is to cut and run. Personally, I'd stay with a friend over the holidays instead of with him so he doesn't screw up your holidays.

This boy is no good and he will just keep hurting you. In addition to being a cheater, he also thinks that love is a burning feeling in your chest. No way. Love is a choice to ignore that burning feeling in your chest when you have it about someone else that you're not committed to...

Hugs.




Edited 12/19/2006 1:00 pm ET by devuchka

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Tue, 12-19-2006 - 4:36pm

Do you think this relationship can be salvaged?

It might have a chance if you insist on counseling. He needs to know why he did what he did and find a way to fix it so it never happens again.


Carrie