help with ex still coming around...

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2008
help with ex still coming around...
18
Sun, 06-22-2008 - 2:25pm

Hello,


This is the first time on this board and by the looks of it...it is a place that I can get some help with a problem I with an ex.


Well...long story short...I dated this girl in the office, where I work, for 8 months. We had the best of times and lived life to its fullest. During that time I spent a lot of time with her kids and I really began to get attached. Anyway....one day she stopped talking to me. Flat out stopped with little or no warning. The day before all of this happened we spent time with her friends. This all happened a little over 3 months ago.


It took about two weeks before she would talk to me and at that time she told me that everything about me annoyed her and she was done with me.


Well here is where things get weird...I told her I wanted her back and she said she didn't want to. So I left it at that..even though I would do anything in this world to get her back!


After that she would do weird things like come over to my area...I was on the phone...and talk to others. Then she would call me and tell me that she didn't want me to think that she didn't say hello? She would send me funny emails?


I held off and did not initiate any communication...except I told her that I was going in for major surgery. She texted me hoping that I did well. Then she text me almost every other day asking how I was. She even asked a friend of mine at work how I was doing. She knew how I was doing because she text or called me to check in on me. I thought this was odd.


Then she asked me out for my Bday and said she would take me to lunch. I thought about it and agreed. Well she ignored to the point that I felt like I was eating alone. If I was that much of a burden to go to lunch with..then why she ask me. At the end of lunch...I wanted to be the nice guy and asked her if I could take her to lunch...she did not answer me and moved all around that question. WTF??


Well...the other day she texted me and asked how my knee was and how my Bday was. I texted back only about me knee because I felt like she gave up that right to know about my Bday. She continued to ask...I finally told her it was like any other day even thought it was the crappiest Bday I had ever had!


Late last week she came running over to my area to tell me about a possible promotion for her. What could I say but congratulations. Why would she come over to tell me...remember...everything about me annoyed her. She then called me the next day to justify to me why she should take this job. Once again...I could only say congratulations.


The question....what the hell does this all mean and why does she feel she can keep doing this?


I appreciate any and all advise.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2006
Sun, 06-22-2008 - 4:14pm

Maybe she's trying to stay "friends". Maybe she knows you still want her and she comes around for the ego boost.


Maybe you should tell her that she can't have it both ways, either she wants you in her life or leave you alone.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2008
Sun, 06-22-2008 - 4:39pm
Thank you for you response....but here is a question....how could she still want to be friends when she told me that we could not be until I was able to accept it. Actually...she said everything about me annoyed her. I have not done anything or said anything to confirm that it is ok to come around, text me, bring me food
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Sun, 06-22-2008 - 10:04pm

Welcome to the board roqman,


Sounds like part of her wants to remain in contact, so she's not see as the 'bad guy' in the break-up.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2008
Sun, 06-22-2008 - 10:12pm
Thank you for the links...in reality...I really want her back but she says no. I don't know what to think of this behavior and I am confused. I don't know if she deserves to be my friend....I need everyone's advise.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Sun, 06-22-2008 - 10:18pm

If you want her back and she only wants to be friends, then until you heal, you won't be able to be just her friend.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2008
Sun, 06-22-2008 - 10:29pm

Carrie,


You are correct....it only hurts me to have her do these things and say these things.


At this point...I don't understand why someone would dump you and then keep calling you to check up on you?


Why would someone do these kind of things when they know it hurts you...I just don't understand that.


I loved her with all my heart and it hurts.


She said she would never hurt me and she did!


What is the best way to tell her to stop...because I don't want to do it nasty like she did...I want to come out on top.


Thank you...

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Sun, 06-22-2008 - 10:39pm

::At this point...I don't understand why someone would dump you and then keep calling you to check up on you?


I'm not in her head, but possible guesses - she wants to be friends, she's having a weak moment, she doesn't want you to hate her, she knows you are hurting and wants to make sure you are 'ok', she's a tad self-centered and it's all about what she wants, not about what you want.


::Why would someone do these kind of things when they know it hurts you...I just don't understand that.


Because most of us do what's in our best interests or what we want, instead of what we know is best for another person.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-01-2008
Mon, 06-23-2008 - 1:59pm
Ah yes...the classic guilt reliving move.

 

 

 

 

 

******************************************* “Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2008
Mon, 06-23-2008 - 10:39pm
I think you might be right....when she communicates with me she almost seems like she has an attitude or is mad. I dont get it....because if I am breaking up with someone...that usually means that all things should be cut off. Yet she keeps her distance but still communicates. I wonder if I would shock her if I told her to get lost?
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2008
Tue, 06-24-2008 - 9:19am
You know what....another funny thing that I don't get is the fact that she carries around a little stuffed bear that I bought her. She carries this little guy everywhere she goes...in fact we even went to build a bear and bought him clothes and she gave him a name. Her kids even call it by its name and carry it around when they all go out. It was fun when we were together. She even still has the flowers that I gave her on our first date...on the dash of her car. . I don't understand why she would still have these things when she has been the way she has with me?

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