Help getting out of a rut
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Help getting out of a rut
| Tue, 03-20-2007 - 10:09am |
Ever since we hooked up this past weekend, I can't stop calling and texting him, trying to find answers and just keeping a connection between some way. He has told me to leave him alone and that he does not want me anymore and that I've pushed him too far away for him to ever come back. I keep asking about him dating someone new and questions that he has no answer for and telling him how hurt I am over what he did to me to which is responds with, "I don't care."
He thinks that I am crazy because I can't seem to move on. He wants nothing to do with me even though he was the one who made our relationship crap.
Please help me stop! And is there ever going to be a day when he will care again?

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Ohhhhh, honey. I am so sorry for the pain you're feeling. But, unfortunately the answer is probably no -- he won't have the same feelings for you again that he used to have. It's OK to cry over that.
Sweetie, please try to stop calling and texting -- email me personally, or get on here, or call a friend or do anything to stop yourself. Go put your phone in your car if you have to.
I agree, I don't think he will ever care again.
Honestly, honey, you need to STOP. You are letting this loser control your life. He was nice enough to you over the weekend because, well, quite frankly, he wanted to get laid. By giving in to that, you allowed him to have even more control over your feelings! Now, you're doubly hurt because a) you still care for him and b) having sex with him made you think that maybe things would be different.
The mere fact that he's telling you to leave him alone should be a HUGE warning flag. HE IS USING YOU AND YOU ARE LETTING HIM DO IT! I don't know if you have kids or not, but, imagine your daughter being in a situation like this - you'd want to ring her neck for not having more self-confidence/self-esteem than that!!! (I have a 14 yr old and I know I would feel that way if she let a man/boy treat her like that).
Please, cut all ties with this jackass. He doesn't care about you or your feelings. You are giving him power by the mere fact that you are STILL reaching out to him, EVEN THOUGH he treated you like s--t.
Find a friend, call her, and say "ok, you are my break-up buddy"...call HER when you have the urge to call him. Find something else to do - make YOURSELF your #1 priority. The sooner you get over this guy, the better.
Hang in there - we are all here for you.
I know, I feel so awful right now, crying at work for the second day in a row! I am so focused on him not caring about me anymore that I can't see the good that I will eventually (hopefully) get out of this situation and that is finding a better man to who will treat me with respect and honesty, not cheat and not hit or verbally and emotionally abuse me. I still feel so much anger towards him for doing all that to me and then dumping me as if I literally was a piece of trash on the bottom of his shoe.
I'm so torn up over this and by reaching out to him, I feel like I can at least get some sort comfort or connection from him. I know all I am doing is hurting more and pushing him away further but at this moment, I just don't know what else to do.
I feel anger towards him but yet I look to him for validation that I'm not nuts and pathetic, which is how I feel like now. I want to come out of this on top with him feeling sorry for his actions towards me but I just don't see that happening...
oh mishmosh07! it will be okay! i'm going through a recent break up too, and I am on day 1 of no contact. you should try to do no contact. stop calling him, beecause he is only hurting you more. no matter how many questions you may ask yourself and want to ask him, his answer will not help you get over the pain and confusion. every time you itch to call him, call a friend or do something productive to get your mind off him.
you need to do NC right away. the hookup was just what it was, and you need to give yourself time to heal and accept that it is really over. it hurts i know, but once you realize that it's not going to work out, then you can still cry to yourself for yourself, not for him. you are a great girl and there is someone out there for you who deserves what you have to give. remember that!
email me if you need to.
Oh dear, I know you are hurting.
Repeat after me: HE IS A LOSER. HE DOES NOT DESERVE MY LOVE. I WILL MOVE ON AND BE HAPPY WITHOUT HIM.
You are reaching out to someone who HAS NO BUSINESS 'validating' you. Not one iota! He will never be able to validate you because he has no need to! You are proving to him that you are nuts and pathetic by continuing to call him! (Mind you - that's not MY opinion of you, but I can bet that's what he's thinking).
He has abused you and treated you like CRAP for long enough...yet, you keep coming back and asking for more? That's why he was willing to sleep with you - he got what he wanted, KNOWING he could tell you to kiss off and you'd STILL COME BACK! What man isn't going to go for a deal like that? He's got his cake (the sex) and can eat it too (he doesn't have to be emotionally vested in you at all and you'll still put up with this crap and beg for attention from him). You are feeding his ego and allowing him to do this to you...
Trust me, I've been in this cycle, and the ONLY WAY TO BREAK IT IS NO CONTACT! I walked away and had NO CONTACT for 45 days - it was the hardest thing I could do, but I did it and felt SO good afterwards. Every day, I felt a little stronger. I could literally FEEL his 'hold' on me slipping away.
Please, put the PHONE DOWN. Walk away. Say a prayer to your chosen diety. Stop those tears. You need to focus on HEALING. Reconnecting with him over and over is only going to pick at a scab that is trying to heal. The fact that you are posting here proves that you WANT it to stop!
He's not going to feel sorry for his actions, ever, so you can give up on that thought, too.
Please, hon, click on my name (northern_lites) and email me if you need to.
Thank you. This too was a very helpful post for me to read and I'm feeling a little better. I just got into this rut that I needed to pulled out of.
I will reread your post throughout the day.
I hope I wasn't too harsh...sometimes it just takes an objective point of view to really make you see how bad things REALLY are. I know - BELIEVE ME I KNOW - how hard it is to break that cycle of abuse (whether it is physical, emotional, verbal) and find your own feet again. You sound like maybe you lost part of your own identity - it's time to get that back and be a SUPERFOX! (You need to read "It's Called A Breakup Because It's Broken" by Greg Behrendt to get the full effect of that statement!)
Again, the fact that you recognize you are having problems and that you know how bad it is making you feel SHOWS that you know it's not right! That's a good thing.
It also might not be a bad idea to get some therapy. Insurance covers it, and if you don't have insurance, you can always go on a 'sliding fee' scale forpayments.
Every time you want to call, pick up a pen and paper instead and write an UNSENT letter.
I think that sometimes, I need to hear harsh to get through to my thick, stubborn skull.
Ironically, I am currently doing both - reading It's Called a Breakup because It's Broken and going to therapy.
For the past 2 hours, I have not had the urge to call. I just keep refreshing this page to read new postings, old postings and other stories.
Thank you!
mishmosh
I posted earlier about no contact, and i am staying strong..you can toooo.
He has told you..stop calling..etc..you have to listen to what he is saying...i guarantee your selfesteem will start building up each day that goes by with no contact..make him wonder why you are not calling..by not contacting him..and going away completely..atleast you will start building your dignity up..he will be releived you are not contacting him and then when you continue not to he will wonder why you arent..sick hu? he will wonder if you have moved on etc...let him wonder...you have to just leave him alone...he may or may not call u to see what u r up to since u have not called him..he doesnot deserve you and you do not deserve to be treated like that.....its funny, when people hurt us ..we seem to go back to them thinking they are the ones that will make us feel better..we look to them to be told we are ok..or when something happens good or bad..we want to call the ones who treated us that way and tell them whats going on in our lives...whenever i feel that way..i call someone who truly cares..my mom, sisters, friends..people who make me feel better about myself..who are not going to reject me..try it i promise you will feel better..
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