help a guy out
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help a guy out
| Wed, 09-22-2004 - 11:57pm |
Ok, I'm a guy. I've been dating a woman for the last 6 months. She's 28 and I'm 31.
She is easily the sweetest person I've ever met. I've generally enjoyed the time that I've spent with her although I don't think I'll get to the point that I want to marry her. I'm pretty sure she wants to eventually get married to me.
I'm trying to figure out how to break it off in the least painful way.
The other thing is that before we started dating she was planning on moving back to the west coast. She currently lives with her sister. My impression is that she stayed for me. She's planning on moving into her own place, which I presume will involve a lease.
She is easily the sweetest person I've ever met. I've generally enjoyed the time that I've spent with her although I don't think I'll get to the point that I want to marry her. I'm pretty sure she wants to eventually get married to me.
I'm trying to figure out how to break it off in the least painful way.
The other thing is that before we started dating she was planning on moving back to the west coast. She currently lives with her sister. My impression is that she stayed for me. She's planning on moving into her own place, which I presume will involve a lease.
I guess I provided the extra info to give an idea of a time frame.
It seems that if I'm going to break up I should do so before she signs a lease, so that if she doesn't want to stay in NY she doesn't have to. Not to mention doing it as soon as possible so that neither of our time is wasted.
Well, any comments are appreciated

well no dog and she doesn't do my laundry, but I know what you mean.
The thing is, I just came to the conclusion recently, so it's not like I'm trying to string her along. What I'm seeking is, as you put it, the best way "to be UP FRONT about stuff" What makes it easiest for her to hear and understand?
Be firm and don't give her any hope that you might change your mind or might want her back or might be willing to consider a firm committment.
Be clear. Be firm. Be kind. Be as gentle as you can be. But do it. Because if you really are pretty sure you're never going to marry her, she needs to know now so she can move on and find someone who will.
Be prepared for her reaction though. She may get upset. She may cry. She may beg. She may plead. Try to comfort her as best you can. Don't just leave her someplace crying. And please oh please don't have one last lovemaking session. I think that always makes it hurt worse. That's all I can think off the top of my head. After I read the other poster's comments I may add more.
I think it's really great you're asking our opinion. It shows good sense!
I am trying to deal with a break up of a two year relationship that ended when, out of the blue, the guy just decided that he wasn't going to actually break up with me, but instead, just stop taking my calls and pretty much ignoring me until I just eventually went away.
This kind of thing is a horrible thing to go through. Break-ups can be really tough if one person wasn't even aware that something was wrong.
She will be hurt, and will probably cry, but if you at least give her some answers and reasons for why you don't want to continue in the relationship, she will be able to move on and heal a lot faster. And, eventually, she will come out having a lot more respect for you because you didn't string her along and had the courage to be upfront with her.