HELP Is he lying about what he said 2 me
Find a Conversation
| Tue, 05-31-2005 - 9:14pm |
Hi everyone my first time to this board but need some serious help please.
Boyfriend of 3 months broke up with me a month ago. We were casual, not sure what to name it, but I did a lot of the work to keep us together. Asked him if he wanted to get more serious and he said no, wasn't a girlfriend and never would be. Then he gets real nasty and says a lot of other stuff about me, real rude and shocking because I was always polute to him and never critical (could have been, but wasn't :)
So I was really upset about it and really confused for two weeks and really hurt also (says he wants nothing to do with me but sent a few emails and called and when he does it is like he was rubbing it in my face that he brokeup with me. So why bother? I met a guy last week, really nice and seems like a potential boyfriend, so we went out two times that week and plan to go out again. Nothing serious, but a new guy who seems to like me and I could see me with him.
My ex called me and we were talking in general, then he asked me if I m seeing anyone. Don't know why because when he broke up he made it clear he wasn't interested in me. I said yes, then he gets all upset, wants to know all of the details and how serious it is. Didn't tell him much (none of his business) and reminded him of what he said when we broke up - didn't want me, didn't have any interest in my life, etc.
So now today he sends me this email, denying everything he said when he broke up and tellig me he wants to see me again (live about an hour apart) and wants to make plans to visit. I send back and email saying no, and remind him again of what he said when we broke up and he denies it again, and says I misunderstood what he said, he would never say those things.
So what do I do now? And why is he denying everything?

Pages
Thanks it really helps to hear what someone has to say about it all, and it is so hard because I don't understand why he has suddenly changed, going from 'we have no relationship and I wouldn't want one with you' and mocking me when we would speak, or picking away at me, and now that I met someone all of a sudden he wants to get back together with me and is denying all of the mean and cruel things he said about me. Its so hard because I would like to give him a chance but I think I have given him so many already, and now he is suddenly trying to be all nice to me.
But I don't understand, because I told him a few times I knew what he said was what he said and I didn't imagine it or misunderstand him and he keeps saying he did. It's really hard because its like he doesn't want to take responsibility for what he said, he just wants me to forget it and I can't.
What do other people think? This is hard because when someone goes from cold to hot, what am I supposed to think about them?
And why won't he just admit what he said to me when we broke up?
Hi
He is one of the worst guys around. Now that you are gone, he wants you, if he had you he would throw you away once again. He wants you to like him on his own terms, but if you ask for more, meaning a relationship, he will not give it to you. He is a creep, who is trying to use you. He knows you like him, so he thinks he can play with your feelings. Do not let him fool you. Give your new guy a chance.
Your ex is a liar who did not change but is trying to pull your leg. Do not believe in anything he says, you heard what he said to you. Don’t worry you did not misunderstand him, he is trying to reclaim his image with you, by lying that now he never meant what he said. Yeah, and you are crazy for thinking that he could be such an a hole? Yeah right! B/c you are making all this stuff up, sure. The real question is: Are you sure you want a guy who is a liar who turns tables on you and insinuates that you must be crazy or deaf when you know you are not? What kind of stunt will he pull next? I wouldn’t want to be there to find out.
He wants you back only b/c now he is alone, and he is jealous that you have moved on despite the fact that he never liked you. He does not care about you but himself. Sure now he always loved you or something, yeah right, that’s why he was an a hole to you before. I agree with you, he had his chances and blew them all.
There is nothing to be confused about here. He is trying to confuse you, but his game is up. He doesn’t want to take responsibility for what he said b/c then it would mean he was a real a hole to you, and he does not want to think about himself that he is an a hole. This has nothing to do with you, but with his selfish self.
Go girl, do not forget how cruel he was, tell him you are not deaf and he is insulting you by pretending that nothing sour happened between the two of you. Ask him: have you not moved on? See what he says, and if he wants you back tell him you moved on and you thought he moved on as well, like he said he did when he was leaving, so you want him to stop having any contact with you, b/c you have another bf now and do not want to play mind games with an old flame you totally do not even think about anymore. That should give it to him, and you will come out on top.
Trust me, he will never change to be a good guy for you, he only wants you now, b/c he can’t have you now. Try the new guy, he did not disappoint you yet, your ex did too many times, you don’t want to walk into that mud again. It only looks like the water has cleared but it is still muddy under the surface.
Take care of yourself, he is a jerk, it is his loss and now your time to get your own “little revenge.” I hope I answered your question and you will see that he is no prince charming but a frog.
Wow both of you posted some really good perspectives and now it is starting to make sense to me. Before he was always so cold and acted like he was nervous or scared to be around me when I was close with him and it always made me feel bad about myself. So now that I am moving on I guess he wants a second chance.
But I still don't get it, or maybe it is something I am just not supposed to understand. He always made everything my fault and my problem, when we broke up he says it was for my good (and I am think to myself, like you were any good for me like how you treated me?)
So what happened? I know he had a few dates because he would call and tell me about them, so why should he be interested or even care that I met someone?
Is it normal for someone to do this (I am still new to the relationship thing) that one minute, they don't like you and are cruel, and then suddenly, they want to be right beside you.
I told him I knew what I heard him say to me and about me but he just denies it and keeps telling me I must have heard him wrong. He even sent a letter today saying that again - I don't understand how he can say it to my face because now, it is like a double lie, and I don't understand why he expects me to believe it.
I hate to say this, but this guy doesn't care about you: he cares about his ego, his reputation, and what you can do for both.
Sometimes, we all say things we don't mean, or could have said differently had circumstances been different. However, this guy was as clear as day when he broke up with you, and reinforced his words in what he said thereafter.
If you heard it, I can assure you that you really did hear it. Somethings can legitimately be misunderstood or lost in translation: it sounds as though he was very clear in his words, and you understand him exactly.
Why is he coming back to you? hances are, moving on threw him for a loop - so certain you were crazy about him it boosted his ego in a way he loved, then crushed it when he realized you weren't saving it for him anymore. The bigger the ego, the greater the fall. And the more desperate and confusing such people are in their insecure rush to have their ego boosted again.
You could play this guy along, or you could be as clear and direct with him as he was with you: I am not interested in you, I don't want a relationship with you, I don't want any more contact with you, please go and find someone new for yourself just like I did!
I can assure you the longer you have contact with this guy, the more confused you will become, and the deeper you will hurt in the long run.
Ask yourself this question: What do I hope to get out of this situation with him?
Do you want him to love you?
Do you want him to respect you?
Do you want him to support you and build you up?
If you are addicted to dysfunctional relationships then stay with him because that's clearly what you will get with him.
Well, it's time to realize that he has no interest in doing any of these things.
So, again, stop trying to understand it. You can't. But BELIEVE IT. And move on. This guy is a joke.
I am so glad you wrote because now I am starting to see that it isn't about me, its about him, and what he wants, not what I want.
Its strange because from the day we met I have felt worse and worse about myself and more and more unsure with all of the games he was beeen playing. Anytime I pointed out a game to him he would just turn it around and say it was me misunderstanding something again and laugh in my face when I repeated what he said.
He sent me an emai yesterday and this morning I replied telling him not to contact me again for anything, that he needed to find a new girlfriend and that I had already moved on with life and found someone I liked and who liked me. Then I said he had some really serious problems mentally and that I hoped he got some help for that too.
I feel so much better already, and don't feel bad about what I said!
You may want to block his email address so he can't respond. don't back down or question your action. You can't invite the new and positive into your life if you're still meddling with the negative.
Pages